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AIBU?

prostitute use

337 replies

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:09

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it?

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

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TiredOfPeople · 01/08/2015 09:48

I am considering ending my relationship because he says he would do it again

RUUUUUUN!! He has no qualms in doing this again, though he's dating you? He says things like "these things are what happens on lads holidays"? So when he goes on another, it'll be ok with you for him to do it again?

Ew....a man that uses prostitutes....you'd be sleeping with a guy who'd slept with a woman who would've slept with hundreds of other men...you need to keep your health safe too...

Do you have a daughter? If so, just imagine what advice you'd give her...

"Mum, my bf likes sex with prostitutes and he said it's just what happens when he's with ohter lads on holiday, and he said he'd do it again, do you think I should stay with him? Do you think he really loves me?"

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EmeraldKitten · 01/08/2015 09:49

He received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand?

Am I the only person here that would take great satisfaction from reminding him that lots of Thai brothels are full of convincing lady boys?

Regardless of whatever else you do op, I would have to plant that seed for him to think about.

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Pucaet · 01/08/2015 09:51

And plenty of men are perfectly capable of refusing sex on a plate, especially if that sex on a plate is in the form of a desperate women which no other options doing if for money that she'll only get a tiny percentage of anyway. Douchebags like to pretend that all men are also douchebags to make themselves feel better but its just not true at all.

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FuckOffPeppa · 01/08/2015 09:52

When somebody tells you that he thinks vulnerable women in developing countries are lucky to have the opportunity to suck his cock for pennies, fucking RUN!

Yes, this! What a disgusting man this is. I couldn't personally be near a person who thought it was ok to exploit women like that, if you can, then...

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Rjae · 01/08/2015 09:52

How old is he? He sounds incredibly immature and insensitive.

I think teenagers do (sadly) have a very black and white outlook on sex but this should be mitigated as they get older. We all make mistakes when we are very young, but you don't brazen it out and defend those mistakes and say you would repeat them.

It's not what he did, I agree, it's his continuing defence of unacceptable behaviour.

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ValancyJane · 01/08/2015 09:53

I'm assuming this was before you were together, but even so it would be a dealbreaker for me, I'm afraid. If he felt genuine remorse, claimed he'd been really fucked up and a different person at the time, really regretted it etc, then I think there's something to work with. Saying he'd still do the same thing if he was single... That's not on.

(Agree with the posters who suggested getting an STI check, that's good advice regardless, but I would in this case as better safe than sorry!)

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TheWitTank · 01/08/2015 09:53

It's the complete lack of remorse, understanding (they enjoy it?! Sucking off some hammered English state in a bar? ) and the admittance he would do it again that would be the end it clincher for me.

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UrethraFranklin1 · 01/08/2015 09:54

Of course you can judge a man on what he did before you got together! Everyone does, you're an imbecile if you don't.

He's a man who buys the use of a womans body for his own use. He doesn't care if they were underage or trafficked or co-erced by poverty. He's also a liar.
Is that the kind of man you want to be with?

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Tenieht · 01/08/2015 09:55

Personally I would let it go. It was before your relationship, he was young , abroad and got carried away. Many people do. You should educate him that the women don't enjoy it, some men are very naive. I wouldn't see it as a deal breaker at all though.

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Gymbob · 01/08/2015 09:55

beatendowngf might I suggest that the relationship board would have been better for you to post your question. this board seems to end up with the op being insulted most of the time. i think it's the summer hols and stress levels are up! I was wearing a crash helmet for most of yesterday after posting on here

ask for a move over there, they're usually really kind and helpful.

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Sallystyle · 01/08/2015 09:57

He would be gone.

I have no respect for men who use prostitutes and that means we would have a very different outlook on life.

I don't care if he even regretted it, for me the fact that at some point he thought it was acceptable would tell me everything I need to know.

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FindoGask · 01/08/2015 10:05

Even if it had happened long in the past and he had no intention of doing it again, I would still run like the wind. But he doesn't see anything wrong with what he did. Everything you say about him just makes him sound completely disgusting.

And it's not true that most men think like him. I remember a few years ago when a friend of ours told my husband had been to a prostitute in Amsterdam, he was appalled. He told me about it later, and said he just couldn't get his head around it; it didn't fit with his view of this person at all.

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BathshebaDarkstone · 01/08/2015 10:06

I'm horrified. Get checked for STDs.

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molyholy · 01/08/2015 10:16

Sorry op, but your partner sounds like a prick. 'Lads holidays'. You can bet he uses the word 'banter'. Women are lucky to suck him off!!!!!! Urgh. Foul. Get rid.

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paintedfences · 01/08/2015 11:04

Run away run away run away. Just go. Sorry, but at least you found out now!

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musicalbingo · 01/08/2015 11:10

BeatendownGF Your username alone makes me sad

previous posters nailed it

When somebody tells you that he thinks vulnerable women in developing countries are lucky to have the opportunity to suck his cock for pennies, fucking RUN!

This 1000 times over

X1000000.

X100000000.
I realise you probably feel you would be kicking up a fuss "over nothing" because "it's in the past". Wrong! the change is he has shown you his true views on women/treatment of other humans.

Breaking up is scary and if you are romotely like me fear can really hold you back.

I was in a similar situation and didn't break it off at the time because I was "overreacting". It took another event A YEAR later to finally tell him we were done. I wish I had saved myself a year and had more respect and better standards for myself sooner.

Good luck

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 11:11

I don't think it matters as you weren't together and he regrets it.

Not all prostatitis are the same. Who's to say the bj girls were downtrodden, vonrable and had no choice but to suck. They might of much preferred that to working in a rice field all day.

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KungFuhrer · 01/08/2015 11:13

You can't be serious unlucky4marie

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 11:16

About what part? People do silly things they regret, especially when drink is involved. I think all the ltb are very hhysterical especially as we are only getting a one sided view.

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KungFuhrer · 01/08/2015 11:18

Who's to say the bj girls were downtrodden, vonrable and had no choice but to suck. They might of much preferred that to working in a rice field all day

That part.

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BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 11:20

unlucky4marie that's just it - he doesn't regret it and has told me that he would do it again if single.

Anyway, he is away for the weekend now so I have some time to think.

Btw, he is 41.....

OP posts:

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AuntyMag10 · 01/08/2015 11:21

Using a prostitute isn't just a stupid thing you do. If you think that way then I feel sorry for you about how low you set the bar for what's acceptable. This man is disgusting, there are decent men in this world and his type doesn't fit that category. How do you feel about sleeping with someone like this or even worse having a daughter with him one day?
You know those types of men, joining sex sites, webcam and all dodgy stuff? Sounds like he is a good candidate. He's even telling you he doesn't regret it and would do it again, what more do you need to know?

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 11:23

That times 100. Everyone here is assuming these girls have been forced in to the sex trade, when we don't know and quite possibly they chose to do that line of work and much prefer it to the alternative employment prospects. Its the oldest job in the book and it is very condescending to automatically look down soon them with sympathy as most are doing here.

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 11:26

Yes but he only said he would do that again if he was single.

He's wanting a service and someone else is offering it, both by free will so I don't see the problem.

If I had my way I'd legalise it.

I take it all you judgy people have never met any your just tilting your heads at all these "poor girls".

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Reubs15 · 01/08/2015 11:28

If he said he would do it again I don't think I could cope with that. His lack of respect for women is a huge warning sign.
That aside, he lied to you about it initially and is now making out like he told you. It depends if you can forgive the lies.
Sorry you're in this position xx

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