prostitute use

[BeatendownGF]

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it?

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

[StillFrankie]

DH told me everything that happened on a most recent stag do abroad and I mean everything and I trust him completely but I am horrified by the behaviour of some of his group - married men, the groom to be, guys I thought were nice guys. Having to see the groom and his mates at the most was very hard for me.

DH has distanced himself from many of them as a result as he was so disgusted - he actually had a huge argument with many of them on the stag do (I've seen all the follow up texts so I believe him as to what happened and his non involvement)

DH said the last one was the last one he ever goes to - their poor wives.

[StillFrankie]

ooops that shouldnt' be a strikethrough, it should be italics

[WhirlpoolGalaxyM51]

I know what men are like.

They are people who I live with, work with, spend time with, my friends, acquaintances, exes, they are people I pass on the street every day. They're, just, you know, men who are around the place doing normal stuff same as women.

I know what men can be like. I know that men I am friends with, acquaintances with, have used prostitutes. I know men who have hit their partners. I know men who make vile comments about women and girls when they think no-one who will object is listening. I have seen men harassing girls on the street, sexually assaulting women in clubs, following them, shouting stuff. I read the news and see the stats about all this awful stuff that is going on. And so I know that men can be not very nice when it comes to sex.

I'm really not seeing the problem here.

Meanwhile we have someone saying it's OK for men to approach schoolgirls and try to get them to go with them, because the girls might (might!) be 16 or over.

[magoria]

I wonder what the next thing he has done he will tell you OP.

He seems to be slowly dropping in more and more things he has done based on your reaction to the previous one.

First he was jumped and had no control and felt disgusted (but didn't stop).

Second he deliberately went to and paid for a prostitute to give him a BJ (but didn't do anything else).

What else has he done if both of these are acceptable?

[BertrandRussell]

You really are determined to misunderstand, aren't you? I did spell it out for you-I'll repeat in case you missed it. This is whirl's sentence expanded slightly for the avoidance of doubt.

"We know what men are like and because we know what men [ie as a whole] are like we therefore know what they [ie some of them] can be like"

Why are some people so very keen to minimise and excuse the repellant behaviour of some men? Very odd.

[BertrandRussell]

oh, itsmine- just read the whole fucking post, please!

[BertrandRussell]

Sweeping generalisations like"a a lot of men are not very nice about sex" and "I know what some men can be like" Give me strength!


H

[rabbitstew]

Is it men committing ALL the sexual violence?? What about nuns in convent schools who seemed to get off on beating little girls and telling them how evil and disgusting they were? Is this never, ever sexual, just some other nasty form of gaining control and submission? Or women who play with little boys' penises, or fiddle about inappropriately with girls? They do actually exist. They might have been damaged at some point by a man who abused them from an early age - or another woman - but there actually are some women who commit sexual violence.

[BertrandRussell]

And the rest of the paragraph, itsmine?

"I know what men are like.

They are people who I live with, work with, spend time with, my friends, acquaintances, exes, they are people I pass on the street every day. They're, just, you know, men who are around the place doing normal stuff same as women."

[BertrandRussell]

A brief apology to whirl for several pages misinterpretation and accusations such as "sexist claptrap" might be in order, don't you think?

And I'm not sure, but I do think the "dick" comment may just have been irony? There isn't a special typeface for it- i do wish there was!

[WhirlpoolGalaxyM51]

Right well let's focus all of our attention around preventing sex crime on women, then, and that will yield really good results.

Am I right?

The twisting that people will go through to stop people pointing out the quite obvious points that:

• The vast vast majority of sexual abuse, exploitation, and "not very nice-ness to do with sex", around the world, is committed by men. It goes across social class, financial class, culture, race, religion, any way you want to cut it, the commonality is it is almost certainly a man doing it
  
• That all of this is much much more common than we would like to think
  
• That the people who do it are not "monsters", they are everyday normal standard men who happen to be "not very nice when it comes to sex"
  
• That pretending this is not the case, and that there is no commonality, and that each single individual case must be taken by itself, and in isolation, and not viewed as part of a wider picture, is an enormous boon to the men committing these crimes and doing these "not very nice" things, and a massive dis-service to all the people on the receiving end
  
  When people say, well hold on a minute, there's something here isn't there, look it's blokes who are buying all this sex from disadvantaged women (men girls boys) in X country, what kind of person really needs to say now hold on, put that to one side, let's not talk about that, we need to talk about your generalisations there. Because I know a man who went to Thailand in 1976 and he didn't do anything like that, so you're being grossly unfair.

[BertrandRussell]

"just I accept the majority of exploitation is carried out by men, just not the majority of men exploit women, which some posters would have you believe"

You really have made that up. Nobody said or implied it. Stop doing that!