To wonder what became of the 'popular' crowd at schools

[Tistheseasonbear]

The 'popular' crowd always seem to dominate every year group in every school.
I remember at my school the popular group had around 30 people in it and would always be doing things you shouldn't do such as smoking on the field at playtime, drinking and sex, always the most fashionable, faces full of make up and lots of bitchiness etc( thank goodness that was all before social media!!) Anyone who wasn't in the crowd seemed to want to be and they were certainly the 'powerful' ones of the year group.

Why is it that this group seems to exist everywhere?

Most of the 'popular' group from my school are no longer friends and the majority of them had babies young and didn't aspire to a career. Barely any of them went to university either. Is this the same in most of the 'popular' groups? What happened to the people in yours?

The popular crowd at school bullied me too. Many left school with it great GCSEs and settled down Young without much of a career. I used to be smug that I had lived overseas, got multiple degrees and a successful career in the city. But then I found out that two of the bitchy popular bullies had gone back to uni, got law degrees and we're making something of themselves. I'm really pleased for them and it's good for me to be not so smug.

I honestly can't recall any popular groups in my school. There were groups of girls and boys who were the most fancied and groups of sporty ones (with a cross over). They didn't seem superior to me but there were a few that felt that, they were the ones that these groups put down with comments and laughing about not being attractive or sporty or whatever that groups 'thing' was.

I think I was lucky, being quite average. I fell into no category.

I used to see American TV shows and films with school and the stereotypical groups were portrayed and even than was thankful that didn't occur in my school (which wasn't without bullies btw, bullies have always existed, but they were dealt with)

I am getting the feeling that there are a few on this thread who were the ones in school who were scornful and demeaning with assumed superiority to their classmates. Still are too it seems.

The popular girls at my school were sporty and clever - they've all done pretty well for themselves becoming doctors, lawyers, dentists. Mind you, they were popular because people actually liked them rather than because people feared them.

The bitchy girls also seem pretty happy - a couple have gorgeous kids, some are doing pretty well in media jobs, a few have moved abroad and make me constantly jealous with their lives in Paris and Barcelona. It's quite nice to see people being successful.

I was in the popular group at school. There were about 40 of us (although some came from other schools)
We met every single night at 18.30pm outside the chippy and hung around getting up to no good.
We had the same spot in school for lunchtime/break. We were a unit, not individuals - same style, same sense of humour, same knack for making people feel like shit.
Eventually a lot of the group got into drugs, and 7 of the group actually died from heroin overdoses.

I was very smart, and did very well at school - I had a knack of applying myself in class and then messing around outside of school - I never did any drugs and refused to attend the funerals of those who died due to drugs. I regret that now.

Despite having an awesome time at school, and really feeling like I belonged somewhere, I don't see any of the remaining group anymore - yes I have a few on facebook etc, but in all honesty nothing in common.

I actually think that the need for popularity was more than the actual friendship - the next popular group (a much nicer set of people) are in the main still friendly and still seem to have that bond. They are very lucky to have that, and also very lucky not to have been in our 'gang'

I met a riding instructor last year (bear with me, this is relevant) who described one of her horses to us as, 'She's like the really popular girl, the good-looking bitch who rules high school but who no one really actually likes. Now he [she pointed at the mule] is the nerd who gets bullied and who no one ever wants to be seen with but if no one's watching they really like him. She is popular. He is well-liked.'

This made absolute sense to the DDs and I. We all stood there going, yeah, exactly, absolutely bang on.

So I think for a lot of people on this thread, 'popular' means 'the in-crowd' - and a lot of in-crowds are very exclusive and at best ignore the not-in, or treat them with contempt, or bully them. That bullying can really spoil years of your life, and it's rather hard as an adult to smile sweetly at someone who once got her mates to throw you on a muck heap and has never apologised.

I suppose being treated like shit toughens you up, but I could have done without it, frankly.

No idea. I'm barely friends with anyone from school any more. I've had a couple of friend requests from people (at least one does Forever Living so I assume it wasn't a genuine hand of friendship!). I have no interest in any of them.

I had a horrible time at school, I was a 'geek' and the target of some hostility if not outright bullying (I was tall and slightly scary looking). I did my rebelling in my late teens and early twenties (sex, drugs, smoking, drinking) to make up for lost time. I'm just not the same person any more.

Most of them seem to be quite well for themselves. But so do most the people who weren't popular at school.

The popular group in my school seems to all have married each other, live in the same area, are all rich and still two faced hypocrites. I removed myself from the group and started hanging with a group from another school and was ostracized for it and am still annoyed my brother still lives in the area and I see them from time to time. Unfortunately my niece will go to the same school which doesn't seem to have changed at all

to be honest i wouldn't recognise them if i ever saw them so no idea. but then i can fail to recognise my best friend if I am not expecting to meet her there.

My school was a grammar school which may make a difference (the behaviour was never bad, just high spirited). Most of the popular crowd still live in the area where we grew up (small city) and are successful professionally and socially in a big fish in a small pond type way (e.g. local TV). They (or some of them) still appear to be friends (or to be friends with each other's siblings). Their children mainly go to the (excellent) school I went to. I was in (a bit on the edge of) the group but moved away for university and did not go back (some of them also went to university elsewhere but moved back afterwards).
I have largely lost contact with them over the years, but recognised the name of one of their DC's in recent alumni publication from the school so did a bit of googling which is how I discovered this.

I am also amazed at people keeping up or bothering with people they hated at school.

There are obviously some sad experiences on this thread but I would Blame the bullying policies and ethos of the schools rather than the children.

Swiss your school was a selective grammar?

Maybe the selective/independent schools foster the competitive ethos and superior attitude that almost encourage the queen bee types.

All I can go on are my childrens experiences and that of their friends.

The ones at in dependant and grammar schools are constantly complaining of nasty behaviour like this and the teens attending often tend to be very immature and so less empathetic.

At my kids huge comp there are far too many mixes of kids for one group to dominate. It wouldn't be allowed anyway as the kids themselves seem far more mature. Yes there are kids from hard backgrounds and some from wealthy homes but all manage to shake down.

Brains and looks are not key! Trust me in both my dds groups and in my dss in their time there were all types, classes, abilities and looks.

I really do think this abounds in the selective schools.

In my kids schools anyone starting that malarkey would simply have their head pushed down the toilet. The bullies are policed and dealt with.

In point that vile girl who featured on the fb bully thread lives fairly near to us.

The reaction of the teenagers at my dds school was horror anger and disgust.

It also helps there are CCTV cameras in all corners probably unlike most old venerable schools.

I was a bully at different times. I was also popular and unpopular. It waxed and waned.

Ours was a small school. We are all over the place now. I've made peace with those I was horrible to, mostly at primary at the time.

I was bullied in secondary, but I mainly saw it at the time as one of those things. I remember apologising to a girl in secondary who I had been horrible to when we were little, so I was aware of it at least at that age and I'm glad I tried to make amends then.

I haven't read the whole thread, but the cliches in the op are barmy. As far as I can see, we are all pretty happy now, doing well enough. Oh, and my friend who was the first to have sex and smoke and was generally looked down on etc, well yes, she now has five (stunning) children, a fabulous career, looks amazing (exercise freak) and i couldn't be happier for her.

I wouldn't say I go out of my way to find out what people from school are doing, and I'm not friends on facebook with people who I disliked at school. But because I am in touch with some friends from school I do still seem to hear bits and pieces about what some people are up to. I wouldn't really conciously go out of my way not to hear about people but I don't go out of my way to find out about them either, if that makes sense.

Isn't it sad that the 'popular' girls at so many schools seem to be horrible.
Were they really popular or just feared?

The cool group at our school were nice enough. I can't think of anyone in our year I would say she was a bitch about.

Sadly due to the type of school I went to these people are all hugely successful in amazing careers, they all have beautiful husbands and perfect children too.

I hate them

don't know about all of them but the few I am aware of are just normal people getting on with their lives. kids, partners, some work, some don't, some are doing ok, some not so well. Some are nice, some aren't.

Now the bullies, different story. (bullies not being another word for popular group) the two worst ones are in jail more than they are out and the others just faded into nothingness.

The popular girls at my school were popular because they were nice and good fun and people really liked them. Most of them went on to have normal lives with normal jobs, married at a fairly average age etc etc.

One of them had a very sad life having become quite ill in her twenties and being unable to hold down a job after that. I heard, a couple of days ago, that her husband has died quite recently of cancer. Another popular girl, who I am still in contact with, also lost her husband recently to cancer.

Life bites everyone in the bum, sadly.

We had a few different groups of popular kids at my school. I was in one of those groups, if you can call it that - we were the slightly off-the-rails ravers/smokers/bunkers .

My group are all really successful and still friends and have grown into really nice people, I have to say. My best friend is still my best friend, she is godmother to my oldest child etc - she was one of the most popular and wild girls at school, and is now a highly successful city lawyer and mother to a lovely little girl. One is a clinical psychologist, another is a head teacher . My ratty little boyfriend of the time, who was a weed smoking bully in retrospect, is now a happily married father of three and has a senior job for a big broadcasting corporation. You wouldn't have guessed it at that time, I can tell you!

We also had a group of 'hard' kids at my school. Most of the boys went to prison (although I still know a few of them, and most have grown up and sorted themselves out). Most of that group of girls had multiple kids at a young age. No idea if they are happy or not, though.

The biggest bully, who was also exceptionally pretty and very popular/feared, committed suicide in her twenties .

My school was a big, fairly rough comprehensive in inner London, by the way. Everyone was bullied at some stage, it was the culture. I don't know how we survived, really! Every day there was a fight or someone saying something horrible about you.

15 years after leaving school, I was visiting my home town and popped into the local supermarket. There was popular girl on the checkout, greasy mousey hair and no make up, looking miserable.

I just felt dreadfully sorry for her. I suppose she would be one of those people that says your school days are the happiest days of your life sad"

Or maybe she was just having a bad day and is actually quite happy with her life and her part time job in the supermarket. You made a bit of a snap judgment there.

"Often they're just groups of friends who get on well together, but some people can't see that and end up seething bitterly because they're not part of that friendship group."

They might have been a group of friends who got on well together at my school but they were also a hunting pack of bullies using physical violence and humiliation techniques to intimidate all the rest. I may well have seethed bitterly but not because I wanted a part of it, the opposite actually.

And as to the question of my interpretation of the word 'haggered', it's obviously different to simply 'having aged' and I wonder if those questioning it are being deliberately obtuse.

"I wonder if those questioning it are being deliberately obtuse"

I would say so and would say it's been a feature throughout this thread.

If you're going to quote me Cain, you might at least include the rest of my post, which made it quite clear I was talking about 'school gate Mums'...

Was having exactly this conversation with DP the other day. My school was a grammar, so possibly slightly different context (everybody went to university etc) but without exception the 'popular' kids from my year have ended up in deeply conventional jobs, done the whole executive car/mortgage thing and had children early compared to everyone else. By contrast many of the kids who were considered 'weird' or 'outsiders' at school are now doing arty or creative jobs, academic research, seeing the world etc. Think it's because in most settings being popular means conforming and toeing the line in terms of your peers' expectations - not much room for creativity or risk-taking there. Conformity probably becomes a bit of a mindset.

Once read a really interesting book on this called The Geeks Will Inherit The Earth (Alexandra Robbins is the author). Think the David and Goliath book by Malcolm Gladwell touches on it too.

The geeks absolutely inherited the world in the case of the school I was at years 7-11. When teachers used to say "you'll look back on these days as the best of your lives" I realise in retrospect they were talking to the in-crowd not the rest of us.

Sixth form was much nicer.