I am so sorry for those who suffered. The pain of being bullied as a child/teen is indescribable. It is a time in your life when you would cut your arm off to fit in with a group ( not necessarily the popular ones).
I was horrendously bullied and if I think about it too much, it consumes me. I was suicidal and depressed for most of the five years. I was never accepted and that hurts the most.
I had no desire to talk to the in crowd and was bullied by a group who aspired to be in the in crowd. It was dog eat dog.
I live with the guilt at never standing up for myself. I struggle to separate myself with the weak girl who cried whenever insults were thrown her way. When people compliment me about my looks or character, the inside of me is screaming;
"NO, I am not pretty/attractive or with any redeeming features otherwise why was I torn apart at school?"
The thought that I am actually normal (which I clearly am) and was bullied just for the hell of it is unbearable. It was all for nothing.
I am jealous of anyone who attended school and enjoyed it. This brings home the fact that not everyone is bullied, only some people.
My problem is not with my bullies as such. Whatever they do in life has no direct impact on me. They tried to bully others; some caved in and others stuck up for themselves. I hate the girl I used to be - the coward who let other 'shit' all over her. That is my battle.
One of these days I am going to run an event for 'survivors of bullying'. An event where women (and men) can open up, discuss, receive encouragement, empowerment but most of all feel understood.