Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what became of the 'popular' crowd at schools

351 replies

Tistheseasonbear · 15/07/2015 23:29

The 'popular' crowd always seem to dominate every year group in every school.
I remember at my school the popular group had around 30 people in it and would always be doing things you shouldn't do such as smoking on the field at playtime, drinking and sex, always the most fashionable, faces full of make up and lots of bitchiness etc( thank goodness that was all before social media!!) Anyone who wasn't in the crowd seemed to want to be and they were certainly the 'powerful' ones of the year group.

Why is it that this group seems to exist everywhere?

Most of the 'popular' group from my school are no longer friends and the majority of them had babies young and didn't aspire to a career. Barely any of them went to university either. Is this the same in most of the 'popular' groups? What happened to the people in yours?

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 20/07/2015 13:05

yes sorry, I wrote that and then read back through the thread! I was so incensed with rage, and totally agree with your comments, whoreandpeace....
(good nick btw)

dilbert19912 · 20/07/2015 13:17

We had a bitchy group at school and everyone of them has had children really young, either doing juice plus or working at burger king etc. Nothing wrong with burger king but these are the girls who "wouldn't be seen dead working In burger king".

rabbitstew · 20/07/2015 13:32

Well, they still haven't been seen dead working in Burger King, so that's OK, then - no need to call Health & Safety. Grin

whoreandpeace · 20/07/2015 13:42

Sunny Flowers to you

Nurserywindow · 20/07/2015 13:44

"School is such a conformist environment. It praises the most conformist and the extrovert"

I agree with this. Nothing wrong with being conformist and extrovert. But unfortunately, the more unusual and shy or introverted pupils often just don't 'fit in' to a typical school environment, and can feel quite unhappy or that there's 'something wrong with me' because they're not outgoing party girls who enjoy sports and clubbing.

RusticBlush · 21/07/2015 00:17

I can't understand how people who have kept the same friends from school and not moved far from home are being sneered at.
What's wrong with that Confused

Kvetch15 · 21/07/2015 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KERALA1 · 21/07/2015 08:40

Yes kvetch. Cannot imagine staying in one place with same friends - for your whole life! -. Horses for courses etc but there's a big world out there - hope my dc go off and explore it and don't sit in the same bar with the same people for 60 years....

OnAPedalStool · 21/07/2015 08:48

The popular girls in our school all went to university, mainly became medics, still seem to be in touch with each other and have meet ups and holidays and are only starting to have children now in their early 30s so I guess my experience is a bit different. They were nice girls too - one of them was our headgirl. We all tended to get on pretty well in our senior years anyway but I would say there was a group of maybe 15/20 who were just very popular.

woodhill · 21/07/2015 08:50

I'm still in my local area but partly due to dhs job, it is ok though and alot of people stay.

WilburIsSomePig · 21/07/2015 09:28

Our popular group wasnt like that at all. They were a real mix of clever, sporty, funny kids and I honestly don't remember any of them being horrible. Some have gone on to great things, some normal things. Nothing dramatic.

RusticBlush · 21/07/2015 09:55

You can still explore the world and find life exciting whilst keeping your roots.
I just enjoy my family and longtime friends too....

boltofblue · 21/07/2015 10:01

I'll echo those who think it's rather ironic that those who complained of being judged as teenagers and made to feel less in some way are taking delight in feeling superior to other people now (and as adults too). It might seem that they've learnt the wrong lesson

EmeraldThief · 21/07/2015 10:14

The popular people at my school were the ones who were good at sport. From looking at their Facebook all of them are now married, some with children. One is in the army, another works in admin for the local council.

The one who really stands out though is the girl who was considered the most "beautiful" in the school. All the boys seem to love her, but she was never all that pretty IMO. Terrible acne, bad teeth and huge granny style glasses. She was however, how can I say it nicely? A bit free and easy with her sexual favours, which I think was the real reason for her popularity. The boys probably all thiught she was easy and they had a chance with her, she was also a nasty bitch and was particuarly unpleasant to a friend of mine.

Anyway she is now married to a bloke who appears to treat her like shit, they are always splitting up and getting back together. Lots of affairs on his side. She has five kids, the older three from an earlier relationship. Lives on a sink estate, has a dead end job etc. I cant say I want to be like her anymore. Her behaviour at school was probably down to self esteem issues looking back, can't forgive her nastiness towards my friend though. Sorry.

MustBeLoopy390 · 21/07/2015 10:26

Catholic school, most of the popular girls missed GCSEs as they were pregnant by then, i lost touch with pretty much everyone by age 16 due to a bad relationship then ended up having my dd at 18, got back in touch with some of the girls from school but we were poles apart when it comes to interests and parenting so drifted off. Now looking at fb and when I see them in town and stop for a chat most of them are on their 5th failed relationship, kids all over the place and constantly out drinking/smoking/screeching down the street at their large broods. I actually feel so sorry for them as they seem to have so many problems with men and kids

Anniesaunt · 21/07/2015 12:13

bolt the lesson, from my school at least appears to be that the more you put others down the more successful you are. Part of he reason I am such a failure, I can't bear to make someone feel as bad as I do. Obviously being an ugly freak plays just as big a part.

Daisywellies · 21/07/2015 12:23

I don't see anything wrong in remaining in the area in which you grew up and maintaining contact with old school friends. It's not for everyone but there's nothing wrong with it.

It doesn't mean that they haven't also met lots of new people and broadened their horizons. I mean, obviously, if they've made no new friends and never left the family home and are still working at the same job that they had at 18 and still going to the same pub every Saturday night I would wonder about that combination and feel that they're stuck in a serious rut.

But not everyone who decides to stay in the area they grew up in is like that.

Birdsgottafly · 21/07/2015 12:31

I posted earlier about being shocked that people have such a low opinion of those that are happy to be working in a "job".

Also the judgment made about children that have obvious self esteem issues/unsupportive/abusive home lives.

At least now we know who are rubbing their hands in glee and the Working Tax Credit cuts.

Idontseeanydragons · 21/07/2015 12:36

Well I married one of the popular kids from his year and regularly hang out with the rest of them Grin
They were popular because they were a nice bunch and still are, male or female it didn't matter. They're all in their 40's now, some have failed relationships, some have lower paid jobs , some have been with their OH's for 20 years and one is absolutely loaded Grin
Like anywhere else life has been kinder to some and totally shit all over others. Just like my friendship group.

Lovinglife45 · 21/07/2015 14:56

I am so sorry for those who suffered. The pain of being bullied as a child/teen is indescribable. It is a time in your life when you would cut your arm off to fit in with a group ( not necessarily the popular ones).

I was horrendously bullied and if I think about it too much, it consumes me. I was suicidal and depressed for most of the five years. I was never accepted and that hurts the most.

I had no desire to talk to the in crowd and was bullied by a group who aspired to be in the in crowd. It was dog eat dog.

I live with the guilt at never standing up for myself. I struggle to separate myself with the weak girl who cried whenever insults were thrown her way. When people compliment me about my looks or character, the inside of me is screaming;

"NO, I am not pretty/attractive or with any redeeming features otherwise why was I torn apart at school?"

The thought that I am actually normal (which I clearly am) and was bullied just for the hell of it is unbearable. It was all for nothing.

I am jealous of anyone who attended school and enjoyed it. This brings home the fact that not everyone is bullied, only some people.

My problem is not with my bullies as such. Whatever they do in life has no direct impact on me. They tried to bully others; some caved in and others stuck up for themselves. I hate the girl I used to be - the coward who let other 'shit' all over her. That is my battle.

One of these days I am going to run an event for 'survivors of bullying'. An event where women (and men) can open up, discuss, receive encouragement, empowerment but most of all feel understood.

whoreandpeace · 21/07/2015 14:59

This Guardian article dated today makes interesting reading, about why it is okay to be a freak, a geek or just different.

And just so that we are all clear, some men give out their sexual favours just as easily as some women do, so let's not judge any of them. Live and let live.

TheCatsMother99 · 21/07/2015 15:02

Most of the A-list pupils I know are doing pretty well for themselves to be honest. Own companies, good jobs or seem to be living the life and travelling to amazing places. There are of course the odd one or two who have gone off the rails but they are the minority.

gabsdot45 · 21/07/2015 15:23

One of the most nerdy boys in my school is now a very interesting adult. He's a professional musician, and has become extremely handsome.
The most popular girl got married at 19, (not to one of her many high school boyfriends) and has a few kids, seems happy.
The most popular boy, (one time boyfriend of previously mentioned most popular girl) joined the army, fathered a child in his twenties and remains single. He's kind of lost his looks sadly.

whoreandpeace · 21/07/2015 18:43

Lovinglife45, what a beautiful from-the-heart post. I so feel for you. My DS was bullied for three years as he is not sporty, is a sensitive soul, is young in his year (from my experience bullies mainly seem to be born between September and February) and is known as a 'swot' because he is clever. He is definitely not one of the 'in' crowd. We had some tense moments a couple of years ago when he talked about wanting to kill himself because he was so unhappy. I was so glad he was able to talk to us and we got him some counselling and were very, very on top of what was going on at school (school were brilliant) from then on. Two years later, aged 15, things are much better for him, but we do know he went through hell for about three years. It was dreadful going through it as his DM and I would have done anything to take the pain away from him. I know that when he gets into RL after school then he will fly as he is bloody magnificent - just like you Flowers

Esmeismyhero · 22/07/2015 22:56

this

and this

Swipe left for the next trending thread