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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what became of the 'popular' crowd at schools

351 replies

Tistheseasonbear · 15/07/2015 23:29

The 'popular' crowd always seem to dominate every year group in every school.
I remember at my school the popular group had around 30 people in it and would always be doing things you shouldn't do such as smoking on the field at playtime, drinking and sex, always the most fashionable, faces full of make up and lots of bitchiness etc( thank goodness that was all before social media!!) Anyone who wasn't in the crowd seemed to want to be and they were certainly the 'powerful' ones of the year group.

Why is it that this group seems to exist everywhere?

Most of the 'popular' group from my school are no longer friends and the majority of them had babies young and didn't aspire to a career. Barely any of them went to university either. Is this the same in most of the 'popular' groups? What happened to the people in yours?

OP posts:

SinisterBunnyMonth · 16/07/2015 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 16/07/2015 00:32

All this talk of 'haggered' looks is a bit strange.

Are you sure it's not just that you see the people you have affection for, in a different way?

I mean to a stranger, are you they wouldn't look equally 'haggered'?

And what does it even mean in this context, older?

SinisterBunnyMonth · 16/07/2015 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChwatFeechers · 16/07/2015 00:37

Jeez some posters sound so bitter.

Icantbelieveitsnotbutter · 16/07/2015 00:41

I went to a posh school in a posh neighbourhood. I'm from a council estate so you can imagine how I was treated.

Only 5 people turned up at my reunion. I went out with my friends instead

WorraLiberty · 16/07/2015 00:47

I think a lot of people do take issues way into adulthood.

I'm not necessarily talking about this thread, but all the threads describing school gate mums as 'cliques', 'queen bees', 'alpha females' etc.

Often they're just groups of friends who get on well together, but some people can't see that and end up seething bitterly because they're not part of that friendship group.

It makes me wonder if they were the same at school, or if it was their school experiences that shaped their way of thinking as adults?

NickiFury · 16/07/2015 00:47

I was an army child and we often had to go to local schools wherever my Dad was posted. There weren't that many of us and we weren't well liked, our Dad's were "murderers" and "hired killers" apparently and we thought we were IT because we had lived abroad supposedly. My school days were pretty torturous. I don't think I am particularly bitter but it certainly made me happy when my ds said "is that Grandma?" when he looked over my shoulder at one of the bullies FB page I was perusing

HarrietSchulenberg · 16/07/2015 00:52

Ruledbycats when I went to school you didn't really have a choice, you went to your catchment school. There were a few kids from out of area who filled up any spaces quickly.

My school was diverse in that about 30% were from council estates (before Right To Buy so entire estates were council owned), 50% from privately owned working households, and the remaining 20% were the self-appointed elite from affluent homes. I know this because we did a Geography project around population and demographics and it stuck with me.

We also had one of the biggest catchment areas in the UK, with only some Scottish island catchments being larger. Luckily we had amazing teachers who taught all of us well.

WorraLiberty · 16/07/2015 00:56

I'm not sure how old you are Nicki but I don't get why someone looking their age or a bit older, would make you feel one way or another.

There's nothing wrong with looking older, or older than your age. Lots of women do, although sadly society seems to want to throw them on the scrap heap because of it...unlike a lot of men.

Also I can think of quite a few older looking women who look much prettier than some younger looking ones.

So I do think we often have rose tinted glasses when looking at people we have affection for. If he'd said that about a lovely friend of yours for example, I'm sure you would react differently, if indeed you reacted at all.

HarrietSchulenberg · 16/07/2015 00:56

Sorry, didn't finish. Our "popular" group was made up of kids who really thought they were better than everyone else, and when you are with that mentality from age 11 you start to believe it after a while.

I was at university before I realised what shams they all were, despite having disliked them for 7 years.

To be fair, the girls who wore caked make up and the flashy boys were onltly popular with each other. I just sort of pobbled along in the middle.

NickiFury · 16/07/2015 00:58

Well worra if you don't get it then you're very lucky

manicinsomniac · 16/07/2015 01:05

Eh? The popular children at my school were really nice. That's why they were popular! I can't imagine why it would be the unpleasant ones who are popular in any walk of life. Seems nonsensical to me!

Of the ones that I still know about, the popular children are now:

Married lawyer with a child
Married doctor with a child
Married teacher with a child
Single teacher
Engaged Doctor
Married teacher
Married retail manager
Stay at home mum with 3 children
Divorced paramedic with a child
Married university academic
Single geologist

I went to a 'bog standard comp' (words of the supposed super head who came to 'save' us from our mediocrity!)

The less popular children are either also successful adults or they aren't - good mix.

SinisterBunnyMonth · 16/07/2015 01:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SallyMcgally · 16/07/2015 02:14

It's 'popular' in inverted commas. Often it's a term they bestow upon themselves. It's rife in DS's school. They have a popularity rankings list, created by themselves, and they love telling the 'uncool' kids exactly how far down the list they are. The cruellest behaviour, though, comes from those kids who aren't quite 'in' and who long to be. They'll do or say anything that they think will garner them some favour. I absolutely loved school, because there wasn't much of this at my school, but I'd hate to spend one day in DS's place ( we took him out in Jan). DS will probably forgive them one day, as he's a very sweet natured lad. I bloody won't though.

Redsoxfan · 16/07/2015 02:22

They are just average joes now most the females are single mothers on benefits in council flats though
Not that there's anything wrong with that just they don't want to become more than that, that's their life no ambition

Whipnaenae · 16/07/2015 04:13

There's a lot of insecurity on this thread. Why are some of you still so obsessed with other people from a lifetime ago? They probably don't give you a second thought, so are probably still far more secure and content with their lives as they were at school.

DancingHat · 16/07/2015 04:28

I bumped into the most popular girl in our school at a children's play place about an hour from where we grew up. It turns out she's friends with some of my mum friends and ended up gong to the same activity as me. She is lovely. I never really knew her at school but I never particularly had an issue with her; she was just in the other group. She is warm, friendly, kind and I can see why she was popular now.

The boys are a different story. They all still hang out together and it seems nothing has changed, they are all still self obsessed with money and image. My DSis came across one of them in a business capacity and he was a complete tool, bigging himself up when really his mum had set his business up for him!

msgrinch · 16/07/2015 07:29

Some very bitter posts on here.

bikeandrun · 16/07/2015 07:34

Ruled well you still sound lovely, calling someone a silly bitch and judging about her dads job and her hair style.

southeastastra · 16/07/2015 07:40

i have no idea what happened to them, they aren't my facebook friends

ClashCityRocker · 16/07/2015 07:42

Hmm, we had quite a big year group.

Purely anecdotally, the boys seemed to have fared better than the girls. A few of the boys have had good careers in the forces, some went to uni etc. Interestingly, none of them seem to be in touch with each other.

A lot of the girls had children within two years of leaving school. But those that I'm in touch with are nice enough and seem perfectly happ with their lives, which is the main thing - life isn't just about career/material success.

lampshady · 16/07/2015 07:45

We were the popular ones. Amongst us we have a doctor, two ridiculously well paid marketing execs, a solicitor and two who work in finance. Really proud of what everyone has achieved against the odds (backgrounds rather than being popular).

PtolemysNeedle · 16/07/2015 07:46

I think there was a difference between the 'in crowd' and the popular ones at my school, although I wouldn't have recognised that at the time. The popular ones would sometimes spend time with the in crowd, but were liked by everyone, and the in crowd did fit the description in the OP by smoking, being the first to have boyfriends, fashionable etc.

They all seem to have done pretty well, only one had children fairly young in their early twenties but all of them are now married with children and all have decent jobs.

fleamadonna · 16/07/2015 07:47

I have a friend who was integral in the popular group, so I know quite well what a lot of them are doing.

almost all achieved degrees and moved to London. a few work in media, but one is pursuing a phd in something to do with human rights. yet another works in a minor role for a government department. the one who didn't go to London is now working on super yachts.

I guess they were actually just a bunch of driven and intelligent young women who also happened to be damn hot.

sigh.

Eminybob · 16/07/2015 07:49

I was in a smoking, drinking, shagging group, but it wasn't the popular one. We called them the "hard but sad" group (not to their faces, and I know, I know).

To be fair we spoke to and got along with them as we had similar interests (smoking on the field, drinking on park benches etc) but they were always slightly out of reach. I had a massive crush on one of them which never come to anything, but I did manage to snog a couple of others.

Anyway, going by Facebook now, a lot of them live overseas, Australia, Canada, to name a couple I can think of. That's quite common where I come from, it's a small island so a lot of people move away as they have to in order to go to uni, and lots go travelling. I no longer live there but am nowhere exotic sadly.

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