To wonder what became of the 'popular' crowd at schools

[Tistheseasonbear]

The 'popular' crowd always seem to dominate every year group in every school.
I remember at my school the popular group had around 30 people in it and would always be doing things you shouldn't do such as smoking on the field at playtime, drinking and sex, always the most fashionable, faces full of make up and lots of bitchiness etc( thank goodness that was all before social media!!) Anyone who wasn't in the crowd seemed to want to be and they were certainly the 'powerful' ones of the year group.

Why is it that this group seems to exist everywhere?

Most of the 'popular' group from my school are no longer friends and the majority of them had babies young and didn't aspire to a career. Barely any of them went to university either. Is this the same in most of the 'popular' groups? What happened to the people in yours?

rustic I beg to differ here I think at 15 years old you are well able to tell the difference between right and wrong.

My bully at the convent a few years on approached me in the supermarket with nasty comments at about ooh 20-21. She knows she was unspeakably nasty to me hence her reply to my email and a post on FB about it. So she was troubled but this girl/woman had the resources to get therapy as her parents were and are very wealthy.

Popular in my year at school (rural Scotland) seemed to mean 'pretty average'. I wasn't in the cool crowd because I was too smart (being an intelligent woman was highly disapproved of where I grew up), my best friend was shy and dressed in second hand clothes so was excluded as well. There was some bullying but I didn't experience the worst of it, I was confident enough to tell them to fuck off.

My brother's year was a much nicer year and there didn't seem to be an 'in crowd' in the same way. They all seemed to hang out together and he does still see people from his class, who are all very friendly and inclusive. I'd rather spend time with his school friends than my old classmates.

My two younger siblings were both 'popular', DB2 because he was very good looking and had lots of girls after him. He had good taste though and always had lovely girlfriends (and his wife is great). My sister was part of the 'popular' crowd and has slagged off the 'weirdos' to me, I had to remind her that I was one of the weirdos in my class. I'd say she cares more about fitting in than me. It made life easier as a teenager but probably makes life harder as an adult I think, she doesn't really have confidence in her own choices.

rustic I wouldn't call it a grudge but these children had a very profound effect on my life. Their relentlessness at highlighting and seeking me out to remind me of my failings made my teenage years a misery to the point I attempted suicide at 15.

Now, 20 years later I still have no friends. For a start I cannot bring myself to go to any social occasions, they terrify me and I worry that my presence would ruin the event (the girls always told me I shouldn't exist and should do everyone a favour and kill myself). I cannot hold my head high or look people in the eye because I worry about offending them with my ugliness. I'm terrified of speaking to new people in case they realise what a weirdo freak I am. Finally I regularly self harm as punishment for existing and continuing to exist and inability to carry out suicide properly.

I went to a tough city school and the 'popular' group there pretty much met the description of Daisywellies's second group i.e.

"The streetwise crowd who bullied and looked down on those not as tough as themselves"

They weren't particularly attractive (with one or two exceptions) and tended to be sporty rather than intelligent. I didn't witness much physical bullying but there were a lot of nasty comments, threats and exclusion.

There was no expectation that anyone would go to college, so parents and pupils didn't place much value on education. It was expected that the girls would briefly work in retail/hairdressing/secretarial jobs, before giving up their jobs to become SAHMs. Boys were expected to sign up for apprenticeships and become tradesmen. The 'popular' group delighted in messing in class (disrupting everyone else) and being cheeky or rude to our teachers.

When we got to about 15, a lot of them dropped out of school. School was a much more pleasant place and I really enjoyed my last two years at school. It was a lot less hostile. The teachers were a lot more relaxed also as teaching wasn't such a battle for them.

Thankfully there were three other 'nice' girls who I became friendly with and the four of us stuck together. It didn't make us immune to the bullying or nastiness but at least we weren't on our own iykwim.

As for what they're doing now?

I've moved away from the area so don't encounter any of them much these days. I had one or two FB friend requests and ignored them.

I've heard (friend of a friend kind of thing) that the queen bee trained as a hairdresser and married her then boyfriend. They had a few kids and she gave up her job when her family got bigger. I'm not sure what her husband works at. They still live in the same area and, by all accounts, they're blissfully happy. Hairdressing may not be the most prestigious of careers, but then again she never wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant. So you could argue that she's living the dream.

Another had a baby shortly after she left school. I've no idea what she's doing now.

One works as a chef and had a baby relatively late.

There were a lot fewer unmarried mothers than you might expect. The biggest shock was when one of the 'nice' girls got pregnant as we were leaving school. I think the tough girls were more clued in when it came to contraception.

I read in the newspaper that one of the guys had a drug-related death so I guess there were a few casualties.

I've remained friends with some of the 'nice' girls and I'm happy to report that all are doing well for themselves and we meet up periodically. There are no high flyers but two of my friends run their own businesses. Not Forever Living style 'businesses' either.

I wish I'd had an easier time of it at school but I can't say I hold any grudges at this stage. Also, if I'd gone to a nicer school, I wouldn't have made the lovely friends that I did make.

I say children anniesaunt and superflyhigh in order to get some perspective.
We've all - yes everyone of us had probably had a negative experience with some through our younger years but most of us have a had a lot of growing up to do and I for one am a completely more caring, empathetic individual to what I was when I didn't have a care in the world at the grand old age of 15!! (Although I was still kind and well-liked)
Don't them experiences burden you forever.

I was a bit of a misfit at school. Unfortunately I haven't followed the stereotype if an amazing career/perfect life. But I am happy and I don't see having children young or otherwise as a failure. The popular confident girls I think have gone on to be 'successful' by societies standards.. Which is unsurprising because confidence is what makes people successful IMO. The cool hard ones who were more inclined to bully.. I don't know as they aren't my friends on social media.
Also I think people can exaggerate their lives on Facebook.. Personally I laugh at some people's job titles. I put down executive poopa scoop at battersea dogs and cats home as a joke!

Anniesaunt I've just read your post and I'm so sorry you still feel this way. I think society really underestimates the psychological impact of bullying.
I really lack confidence in the work place and I blame that in by not really fitting in at school. Its not as bad as what you seem to be suffering though and I hope you can get some counselling.

There was absolutely a clear cut social hierarchy at my school. Everyone knew. I think the in crowd didn't realise how little liked they were by everyone else. I also know of people in that group at mine (and other) schools who had no clue how their behaviour impacted others, and the different experience you'd have if you weren't in that crowd.

rustic if you read my earlier posts I don't think anything I said would constitute bad mouthing the girls who taunted me. In fact in one of my posts I said I wish as an adult I could be more like they are now.

I have grown up too. I now fully realise I shouldn't try and be a successful person I'm too ugly and too much of a freak. This is something that I admit is very difficult to come to terms with. I hope with your increased ability to be empathetic your can try and understand why it would be so.

As an adult I have become much more adept at entertaining myself. It doesn't however completely remove feelings of loneliness.

Anniesaunt I doubt you are ugly or a freak.
However one thing I found when getting older is looks really aren't as important... Mind you I dont value a high flying career and material assets much either as I hate big egos. You need to find ways of boosting your confidence.

Just for balance, I was a geeky mouse in school. Practically invisible. I had my first boyfriend at 16, and was pregnant 6 months later, causing me to drop out of the 6th form I had worked so hard the previous year to gain a place at. 16yrs later and I'm married to that first boyfriend (we did separate for 18 months giving us time to dip our toes in other pools!) and we have 4 more children. I am very happy, but doubt anyone would consider me successful.

None of the popular crowd had children young.

The dynamics have definitely changed. My son is now almost 15 and he said that the ones that would have been considered popular when I was at school are now considered 'wasters'. My son's favourite saying is , 'be nice to the geeks, one day they will be your boss.'

The tide is turning and there is no shame in being smart. It used to be that you could be popular just by wearing the right things or having a pretty face. It gave the less intelligent ones a place to shine. Now they need to be rich, pretty and smart. I wouldn't want to be 15 again.

Oh. "Hard girls" there were plenty of those at my school. They didn't enjoy classes, wore tacky clothing and we're just sooooo aggressive. I was just endlessly puzzled by their aggression. And how loud they were, whilst having no actual charm or content.
I don't know what happened to them. I hope they are happy. Being that toughened and defensive at quite a tender age is a sad thing.

The so-called cool gang haven't been as successful as the group they most derided. that would have been us, the 'swots' as they called us ('geek' not the fashion word then), we were also the actors and always rehearsing plays.

LOts of the people in my group were ridiculed and derided by the 'in' group, but I was one of those left alone as I was also good at sports and in teams, including with some of them, in my spare time (it didn't make you 'cool' but it seemed to make you less of a target).

Actually, reading my description of my group back, the other 'cool' group could very well have thought of us as the 'in, elite' group. I think we were, in retrospect.

OP I think this is a British phenomenon. I schooled in Africa, 'popular group'
Consisted of the brainiest boys and girls 'most likely to succeed' type. Many of them were very good looking too, with a mixture of super confident and quieter people.

The ones most like to drop out and the bullies were never popular.(infamous for their escapades perhaps) I had two good friends and mixed In and out with the 'popular gang'.

In answer to your question, the popular gang including myself are all successful in our chosen fields. A bunch of doctors, a plastic surgeon, a consultant gynaecologist, a top programmer working in Silicon Valley, 2 accountants, my two friends became a microbiologist and biochemist respectively, I used to be a an IT consultant but now run a small charity.

The bozo's are still bozo's. I bumped into one of them at wedding years ago, she made a right idiot of herself, shouting trying to be cool, still a bully but now a forty something yr old bully..

mamma Yy. I'm realising, reading this thread that all this is totally subjective and relative. Some people assumed 'loud and aggressive self publicising clique' equals 'popular'. It seems some of us at 16 or so took others at their own valuations of themselves, so if the 'bozo' types believed themselves 'cool' we would assume they must be correct.

I work in the City. I looked round a meeting room a while back and realised it was full of the geeks and dorks from school (not literally my school). They were all in powerful positions and earning six figure salaries. The geeks shall inherit the earth.

Re the geeks shall inherit the earth. Not if all the people in charge are working in the city playing with money, they won't. The people that shall inherit the earth are the ones that care about it.

Geekdom and money are fetishised a bit too much on MN. Lets celebrate all types of people, in all types of jobs.

They are married with 2 DCs (after wedding) living in new build houses with husbands in good jobs. Some sahms, some still have careers but nothing stellar. A few have careers (lawyers/corporate type jobs) but single/no DCs.

All are still slim, quite a few have had work done. Quite a few have studied/worked/lived abroad.

Not in my year but a popular girl is now a low level tv presenter.

I have an older friend (in her 70s now) and she arranged a big reunion a while back. I think it might have been 50 years since they left school. Since the big reunion, a few of them have continued to meet up. She says that people haven't changed much since their school days e.g. the girl who was always boasting at school continues to be a boaster now except these days she's boasting about her children and their achievements. But my friend says she has more tolerance for her these days .

It's hard when you meet people at primary school or at age 11 and they are all fresh faced and interested in being playful, then to witness the loss of openness, and the odd telescoping down that puberty brings to some, so that the only interest is boys and superficial stuff about clothes and make up, and perhaps sneering at those inclined to more academic interests, or just less hormonally driven.
I realise, reading this thread, I feel quite sad about the girls who dropped into unproductive cliques, or self involved cliques. Sad in that I couldn't relate to them anymore.

I knew an extremely good looking, charismatic, cool boy who was always life and soul of the party and everyone loved. As we got older he got into recreational drug use and became a successful local DJ. He went on to play at the Ministry of Sound and then moved to Ibiza and no-one saw him for years.
A couple of years ago I bumped into him. He was almost unrecognisable, looked 20 years older than his age and was shaky and yellow. He stopped to have a chat and was still carrying on like the 14 year old boy I had known - except he was now 34 and it all seemed pathetic. I felt quite choked.