To wonder what became of the 'popular' crowd at schools

[Tistheseasonbear]

The 'popular' crowd always seem to dominate every year group in every school.
I remember at my school the popular group had around 30 people in it and would always be doing things you shouldn't do such as smoking on the field at playtime, drinking and sex, always the most fashionable, faces full of make up and lots of bitchiness etc( thank goodness that was all before social media!!) Anyone who wasn't in the crowd seemed to want to be and they were certainly the 'powerful' ones of the year group.

Why is it that this group seems to exist everywhere?

Most of the 'popular' group from my school are no longer friends and the majority of them had babies young and didn't aspire to a career. Barely any of them went to university either. Is this the same in most of the 'popular' groups? What happened to the people in yours?

At my all girls school the popular girls were very inteligent and pretty and competed to be first in class. they all played first time tennis, hockey etc. Most of the girls were well off and I went unnoticed in my unfashionable clothes and my head in a book. The rebellious girls who smoked and drank & had sex were infra dig.

I was in neither of these groups. I was the book nerd who just read, all the time. Going to university it was brilliant because I found my tribe: people who cared about what I was reading, not what I was wearing.

But recently on Facebook, my old class formed a group to celebrate a milestone number of years since we left school and, while most people have done well (it was a very academic school), most of the class look just as lovely as the popular girls and I suspect they are a bit more interesting too.

First team tennis.

The popular girls at my DDs last school have all got chlamydia and babies now. Just saying.

Tarts.

Not babies called Chlamydia then, TightWad? Amateurs.

In my school those girls left early, got jobs and then got married.

Not everybody who has posted on this thread have said they were bullied, have they?

I didn't say they had

The 'with that kind of attitude, no wonder you weren't popular at school' was a terrible comment to make to those posters who said they were suicidal. Nice. Pots and kettles, eh...

No, I've no idea how you were feeling, beyond what you typed. Obviously.

My year group was largely quite inclusive. I was technically quite popular. Everyone has done well, nice jobs, happy, etc. School is school. Life is life.

The popular girls from my school:

1 had a car crash that ruined her modelling career, and has now become an inspirational speaker and life coach
1 runs a PR company and travels the world producing cool adverts and short films
1 is a head of year and food tech. teacher.
3 are SAHM with ridiculously gorgeous children. They also married their boyfriends from school.
I runs a country hotel and is on her 3rd marraige, no children.
Most are still friends and meet regularly.

The popular girls at my school also happened to be the bitchiest who bullied me and people like me. None of them are what i would consider to be 'successful' although they all seem fairly happy with their lives. Seems our respective aspirations that emphasised our differences in our early lives never really changed. I don't care for them and i doubt they care what I'm doing either.

Not to carp on about this but bullies can make your life a misery. I left one school as a result (girl setting fire to my hair!) and then went straight into a fee paying convent where after a year it happened again... I left early (not just due to bullying) but I now think that not only at school should there be bullying self awareness and help for both bullies and those being bullied but also more meditation, drama etc...all self expression, assertiveness etc.

I have on and off been targeted by bullies in the workplace and only recently in past 2 years had CBT for bullying. This really helped as I know how to compartmentalise people who do this... And recently when someone at my new job started on me, I immediately complained, told the right people and got the situation nipped in the bud straightaway! I wish I'd had these life skills from the word go (maturity helps though!) as sadly bullying doesn't end at school. Having said that, being bullied made me a million times more determined to not become a bully myself (not that I would do that anyway) and to help anyone working under me etc who was younger/more inexperienced in the correct way. Aargh that last sentence is jumbled...

Popular kids at my high school were either very sporty or from relatively wealthy bacgrounds (the doctors and lawyers kids), However 95% were lovely and very inclusive - I was in a lot of the same classes. Most have done well for themselves and seem happy (as are the majority of my friends from high school and others from other groups that I still know of). I don't believe they hang out anymore but mainly as they are now all over the world.

All are married and have loads of kids. Im in my 30's never married. Quite proud of that and considering my folks separated just as I was about to start my GCSEs and I was left alone (at 16!) to fend for myself I did far far better than most of them. Ok, so I can't work full time (child with a Mental health problem) but I made it through uni off my own back.

They are still incredibly stuck up. Critical of my 'poor life choices' constant digs I didn't stay on for a-levels and went to college instead. Apparently the 'thickos' went to college only the smart one stayed of for A-levels... hmm yeah, I would have stayed had they offered the courses I wanted.

I Am in a much better position personally, head screwed on, carried on my learning/upskilling, resourceful etc than they are with full time jobs needing to call on mummy or daddy to dig them out of another hole. They are so proud of their debts and I have none.

I don't think we had a "popular" crowd. There were distinct groups of friends who were roughly into the same things, largely governed my musical tastes. So it wasn't a case of being popular or not - you hung around with people you had stuff in common with. Aren't most schools like that?

I have no interest in keeping in obsessing about what people I didn't know very well twenty or so years ago are up to, which is one of the reasons I am not on Facebook and don't intend to be. Moving away from your home town gives you a lot of perspective.

Whats that poem about not comparing yourself to others or you may become either vain or bitter. Good one to live by!

I'm astounded that so many people think that making the decision that you want children, so don't delay starting a family. Not wanting any particular career path, so are happy just working in a stress free "job", just as long as you can support yourself and have a good work/life balance, as being "unsuccessful".

I'm "Up North", so I appreciate that we need less money to live well, but if you don't want to do a science degree/work abroad/in teaching (my idea of hell)/Have children in your 40's (again my idea of hell, I'm 47), then you wouldn't judge that life as being successful.

Do you all making those statements think you really know what's going on behind the scene, when describing "fabulous lives" as opposed to "mundane", that's completely subjective.

I speak as someone whose DH travelled for work, I prefered my time as a SAM.

I've just given up my career as a SW, to go back to a SC "job", it's fantastic to leave work, in work and do absolutely fixed hours. I've made that descing so I can be a hands on Grandmother and a Carer to my Mum.

I value my family life/personal relationships and hobbies, as long as I can save for holidays, events, I'm happy.

Those having children younger and working "jobs", just have a different value system.

As for using the expression "calving", or calling someone a tart because they had a baby young/wore make up, you are very lacking as a person and in your education/information levels an dv have nothing to feel smug about.

I like your post Mephistopheles , it's Wilde-ean.

And very true.

I remember the cool gang, with their endless infighting and pecking orders, with obsession about fashion and who's in and who's out.
They were cruel bullies in the main, and I was never "in" being a studious nerd, so was on the receiving end of their disdain.

Yes, I think I know what haggard means, it's the cumulative effects of fags and drink, having kids too young with little or no resources available to them, low social class, and serious wrinkles from all that frowning at their social inferiors they did in school.

I understand the feelings of schadenfreude, having been at the receiving end of bullying for years.
My success in life now is like a V flick to those who made my life daily hell for 6 formative years. It's not pretty or clever, but it's not entirely true to say that there isn't a very small and sweet kind of revenge against the "popular" bullies in how our choices served us.

It's hard not to take those memories with you, but I think it's essential to drop all resentment of the bullies from the "popular" girls you may have received, to live and let live, as we all move on in our all too short lives.

What's all this about then? Everyone is different.

I went to a boys boarding school and the sixth former everyone looked up to was England schools rugby player and Head of School. He had a string of ever more gorgeous girlfriends.

A year after he left school I saw him. He had failed to get into uni as he was far from intelligent and was not good enough to be a semi pro rugby player. He just worked in a local estate agent office and just seemed so ordinary it was shocking.

I think though if you are what I call the golden people at school then things seem to go well for you. popular, everyone agrees with you etc, had a friend a bit like that who could pick you up or drop you. I was a people pleaser.

did come back a bit when I saw my own dd in a relationship with a golden person who treated her badly

So at my school there were lots of different groups. I guess was in a pretty average group and wasn't particularly given a hard time by anyone but also felt a bit unhappy with the hierachy sometimes.

The popular gang were good looking, clever and sporty with nice clothes. Some of them were nice and some of them were a bit exclusive. There was a group of really unpleasant girls who were mean to some people - these girls were popular with some of the boys because they were loud, funny, and having sex. And they were popular in the way that people wanted them on their side.

Then there were a range of other groups. The more average ones became loads more popular in college when they blossomed into their selves and actual social skills became more important.

No idea what they are all up to now but I'm sure everyone is doing relatively what they expected to be doing!

Hotch potch really. Some were in abusive relationships and are just coming out, and these were the really hard girls who'd fight with anyone and bully people. It's sad because god knows what kind of family life they had.
Some graduated and are married with kids.
Some went to jail for gbh and have now settled down with families.
One died of an illness.
Some are settled with children and still do drink and drugs. These are the ones who look "haggard"...
The popular kids at my secondary school are doing much better than the popular ones in primary school. Maybe that's because my secondary was substantially better.

yes popular ones usually sporty, I hated sport

I was in a situation recently where I had contact with the popular group 40 years after we left school. I also had contact with my bullies.

None of them has amounted to anything and I just stood there thinking 'see yeh, see yeh, wouldn't wanna be yeh".

Its what used to be sung to others by the popular group.

wee you reap what you sow in life