To wonder what became of the 'popular' crowd at schools

[Tistheseasonbear]

The 'popular' crowd always seem to dominate every year group in every school.
I remember at my school the popular group had around 30 people in it and would always be doing things you shouldn't do such as smoking on the field at playtime, drinking and sex, always the most fashionable, faces full of make up and lots of bitchiness etc( thank goodness that was all before social media!!) Anyone who wasn't in the crowd seemed to want to be and they were certainly the 'powerful' ones of the year group.

Why is it that this group seems to exist everywhere?

Most of the 'popular' group from my school are no longer friends and the majority of them had babies young and didn't aspire to a career. Barely any of them went to university either. Is this the same in most of the 'popular' groups? What happened to the people in yours?

I think it depends on the school you went went to - I was a smoker and a bit if a tart but I went to a Grammar School and smoking, make-up and so on were rarely a part of being cool, they were a reason to get called skanky though (I should know, got called it for smoking and for being poor)! Having rich parents and access to alcohol were what made you cool at my school. Now I imagine that a lot of the "cool kids" are GPs; Surgeons; solicitors etc. just because that's statistically most likely for the school's alumni (not me!) and a few teachers, nurses, various other hard working professions.. Plus a few druggies; dossers; fast food/supermarket workers, et al. No, just in case it needs clarifying -which I hope it doesn't - I am not saying that unskilled workers are stupid or likewise insinuating that they are on drugs! I imagine it's a pretty fair mix really. Those with enough ambition probably went far. All in all I have to agree that as an intro to mumsnet this post is pretty disappointing! What a shame, I hope there is more maturity elsewhere on the site as is heard good things..!

Isn't there some confusion going on here between "popular" groups and "dominant" groups? If lots of people want to join a group that spends its time bullying and demeaning others, I don't think it's because they are popular so much as scary if you're on the outside (and impossible to leave once you've been on the inside without becoming a favoured target for the rest of your life). Genuinely popular groups don't work through fear and intimidation.

And crowing about being "more successful" (according to your own assessment) than people from some other group is really just behaving in the same sort of way that you apparently disapproved of at school, isn't it? ie judging people and finding them wanting.

I see your point rabbit but I think there is a difference between quietly judging in your own head and tormenting someone by constantly pointing out their inferiority.

Normally, the louder you have to say it, the less happy you are.

I read a very interesting article in the Sunday Times a year or so ago. In fact a friend sent it to me. The writer was female and the gist of the article was that as a parent you should be delighted if your child was 'a geek' and wasn't in the 'popular' gang. She herself had been in the 'popular' gang at school and from what she saw now as a parent she noticed the following:

The popular crowd are usually the most vocal, the ones who test the boundaries, who take up smoking, or drinking, or going to parties, or going out with the opposite sex, or wearing make up, or wearing high heels, or whatever the next boundary that needs testing is. What happens as they and their peer group get older is that gradually everyone else catches up: others too are going to parties or have boyfriends, or wear make up etc etc. So those who have always had the limelight need to find something else to ensure they stay centre of attention and that can mean that they stray from focusing on their studies whilst they try to maintain their noticeability and coolness and move onto other activities that are not particularly useful in forging ahead in life. The writer told how somehow her parents kept their foot on the pedal and made sure she worked so that she managed to get good grades and onto a good uni course, whereas many of her 'popular' pals didn't make it as they never buckled down to doing the work required, focusing more on being 'popular'. She advised parents to be grateful if their child is not one of the 'in crowd' because ultimately that would serve them well.

My DS is a bit of a geek, young in his year and not sporty, nor loudmouthed. He suffers a bit at the hands of the 'cool dudes' but I have told him that his time will come and that being 'popular' is not the be-all-and-end-all. School is unlike any other time at your life because you live in a bubble. At university or college you have much more choice of friends and to find people more like you. In adult life you can pick and choose your friends out of a very wide circle.

DD2 who is just leaving Year 7 is very disparaging of 'the popular crowd' in her year because she thinks they are a) not very nice to others and b) have a very high opinion of themselves.

I don't remember there being a popular group, just different groups with different interests. There was one group, who I thought of as being the 'hair girls', it was the 1980's and those shaggy perms took a lot of up-keep. I'm sure that they their friendships were much more complex than just the hair but they all seemed to spend all of their time between lessons with their heads upside down, brushing their roots or applying blue eyeliner.

Inspired by this thread, I've spent most of the afternoon on Facebook, tracking down the 'hair girls' and I've managed to find their leader, the one with the biggest hair. She married her childhood sweetheart, the one I once overheard her explaining to another hair girl, was the only fella she could go out with because they were both, in her opinion, the best looking people in the school.

They have four beautiful children, a large house and an enviable lifestyle. They report being as well matched as they were at fourteen. If I were being hypercritical, I'd say her hair was slightly over processed but it could just have been bad lighting. She's given up the blue eyeliner.

I can't get it out of my head that she's only ever had sex with one man, a man who is balding badly but still using far more hair gel that he ought.

I know that all of this says far more about me than it does about her.

whoreandpeace That's a very interesting article. I'm actually more interested in what happened to the geeks and wallflowers from my school, because some of them are living lives I never could have expected.

One girl, who was very plain, with frizzy hair and stooped shoulders - and had a few 'imaginary' boyfriends in the last year at school, went on to become a music journalist. She has completely reinvented herself and looks like a rock goddess and has been out with loads of guys out of indie bands. She is the epitome of hipster and cool. I love seeing what she's up to on Facebook - she posted some teenage pics of her, and her music friends couldn't believe it was her.

Another girl who was very shy and kind of wispy - they type who never spoke and no-one noticed, is absolutely beautiful now, and very confident. She's been off travelling and is an aid worker in India.

There's one more girl who always looked miserable and just used to sit in a corner drawing. She's now a really successful artist. She's quite hippie-ish with beautiful kids.

They all seem so vibrant, and look much happier than I remember them. It's lovely to see.

School is such a conformist environment. It praises the most conformist and the extrovert.
I must admit my children thought the most prominent kids in their class were Drones. Ones that has bought various party lines and spouted them.

I don't think you can generalise. The popular crowd at my school have gone on to be TV personalities, lawyers, civil servants, hairdressers and there's well known actresses and actors. Some are struggling with disabilities, divorce, living on benefits, redundancy. Huge comprehensive school.

I really don't think you can make judgements - especially not basing them on hormonal, adolescent behaviour. You don't know what kinds of home lives people have, what bad or good choices they'll make, what luck might bring them. I find all this revelling in the "aren't they ugly, poor, unhappy now" very tasteless.

Most of the popular kids from my school turned out to be very clever and of course are very confident and so have all either been to university and now have fabulous jobs or else are very happy (and still very popular) in manual/skilled jobs.

I don't think that any of them had kids young or any of that, they're all doing very well.

The slappers however, that's a different story....

takeinyourhen - what is a slapper?

I think at school a 'slapper' is a low self esteem girl trying to be popular with boys by not having sexual boundaries.

I think at school a 'slapper' is a low self esteem girl trying to be popular with boys by not having sexual boundaries

or more likely someone who dressed differently,had a bit more confidence to stand up for herself, and didn't "play the good girl"? Or someone who some guy decided to advertise as sleeping with, true or not? Or just a term of abuse for someone you don't like?

Because if it's at school, how much does anyone really know about anyone else's sexual behaviour?

Definitely my wavelength OllyBJolly

Yes, could be that Olly.

WhoreandPeace - The white shirt, red bra girls who spent their weekends at the local nightclubs from 15 onwards and made no secret of their being sexually active

I spent a lot of time at nightclubs from 15 onwards. had a yellow bra.

No actual sex though. Just lots of snogging.

What did you call the boys who spent their weekends at the local nightclubs from 15 onwards and who also made no secret of their being sexually active takeinyourhen? Guess they didn't wear red bras but they may have worn white shirts.

I think at school a 'slapper' is a low self esteem girl trying to be popular with boys by not having sexual boundaries.

What do you call a girl has no sexual boundaries but who has high self-esteem and who is popular with boys? Or is this word "slapper" just a title for someone who has low self-esteem? And who decides that the slapper has low self-esteem? Them or someone else, Belleview?? If someone else, then who?

were the 'popular' ones those that held and went to parties?
Yep I was in that crowd - wanna hear how much of a fuck up my life is?

and I don't think we should refer to girls as 'slappers' btw.

Keen dancers?

I would have thought anyone who doesn't like going to nightclubs and snogging strangers would have the same view of men who do as women who do: that they don't have much in common. After all, if you did like dancing, loud music and snogging, you'd be going to nightclubs, because they're great for that.

and I don't think we should refer to girls as 'slappers' btw.

Kind of what I was trying to get at Sunny.

It really really pisses me off that females are so judged and put down for their behaviour, whereas men are not. If we as women don't manage our language then why the fuck in heavens name should we expect men to?

No, girls should not be referred to as slappers. Everyone's different. Teenagers experiment with their identities, so they do all sorts of things, some of which they regret, some of which they recognise they "got away with" and some of which they enjoyed and are pleased they did.