Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 05/06/2015 23:03

Need more info!

What's the situ with him and his ex wife?

MsVestibule · 05/06/2015 23:03

A bit more context needed! How long have you been seeing him? How long has he been separated?

FarFromAnyRoad · 05/06/2015 23:03

No you are not being unreasonable to want that. You are free to 'want' whatever you fancy. What does he want?

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 05/06/2015 23:04
  1. Why doesn't he want to accept it?
  2. Why can't he pay for it himself?
  3. Why are you bothered about it?
Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:11

I have another thread from a little while ago if you search for my username.
Basically we've been together almost 2 years and he still hasn't divorced his ex. 2 year wait for divorce was up in January. Said he'd get on with it back in December but only moved on it a month ago when I nagged and nagged and got an online package but says he can't afford to send it off to the court.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 05/06/2015 23:14

Cant read his mind, but if i was going to guess id say:
He doesnt want to get divorced.
You are the rebound.
He isnt financially secure enough to marry.

FarFromAnyRoad · 05/06/2015 23:14

I'd say then that the truth is that he doesn't want to. That would lead me to wonder whether he sees a future with you. Sorry - that's probably not what you want to hear but he's failing to remove the one thing stopping him making an official committment to you isn't he. What do YOU think it's all about?

CalleighDoodle · 05/06/2015 23:14

I remember your last thread and im oretty sure you had lots of people tell you much of the same.

Why do you think he is a good catch?

MsVestibule · 05/06/2015 23:16

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy if somebody I'd been dating for 2 years was dragging his heels about getting divorced. Do you have any plans to move in together/get married when/if he does get divorced?

ilovesooty · 05/06/2015 23:16

It doesn't sound as though he is in any hurry to get divorced.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 05/06/2015 23:17

If I were in your situation I would see it as an indication that he wasn't interested in me long term and I would start to look for an exit strategy.

FarFromAnyRoad · 05/06/2015 23:17

Oh dear. Is this another one asking the same question but hoping to get a different more agreeable answer? OP what do you want us to tell you and will you only believe it when it's the answer you want?

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2015 23:18

I agree with FarFromAnyRoad

This has to come from him and it doesn't really sound as though it's just the money that's holding him back.

I would have gone out busking to raise money for my divorce, especially when I met my now husband.

And I can't even sing or play an instrument Blush

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:19

He says I'm being unreasonable. He's self employed but earns a minimum of £300 at worst and is back living with his parents. He's still paying the mortgage on his house with his ex and says he will as long as his son is happy which I do get. There is always an excuse.

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 05/06/2015 23:19

I remember walking past you worra - that day you cussed me out and called me a fucking tight arse. Well. You can't sing. You really really can't sing!

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:21

Exactly worra, you find a way

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:23

I'm the one in the wrong being unreasonable and relentless.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 05/06/2015 23:24

watching what do you want us to tell you? He doesn't want to get a divorce. I don't know why, but it's not down to lack of money.

FarFromAnyRoad · 05/06/2015 23:25

Well OP - do you think it might be time to reconsider where you're going with this relationship. If he's got a young son it's probably not going to change for 15 years or more.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:26

I know he has some money coming through that he wants to pay off a credit card. I suggested he used some of the money for the divorce and pay a bit of interest on his credit card and at least it would be done. He says this is unreasonable and he needs to spend any money he has buying equipment for work.

OP posts:
ChopinLiszt · 05/06/2015 23:27

He's just not that into you. Tough message but best to realise it sooner rather than later.

Grab hold of your dignity and STOP nagging him. He's being pretty clear and you deserve more

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:28

He says he loves me and he wants the divorce and isn't making excuses

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 05/06/2015 23:28

I remember your other thread now. Why are you still wasting your time on him?

SaucyJack · 05/06/2015 23:29

It's obviously not a priority for him to get divorced at the moment. I doubt it means anything significant- just that he has better things to do with his limited time and money.

Is it a deal breaker for you?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:30

Would he find the money if he really wanted the divorce?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread