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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 03/02/2016 09:51

Seriously, this is a troll, right? Just saying the same shit over and over and over and over and over again. For whatever crumbs of attention OP can get from posters STILL trying to get her to take sensible advice.

Fair play to you, OP, you're in it for the long game. That's some dedication.

justmyview · 03/02/2016 09:59

OP - you KNOW what's going on. I can't believe this thread keeps popping up. As they say on Dragons Den "I'm out"

Baressentials · 03/02/2016 10:07

This is like watching a horror film through your fingers. In slow motion. Yelling at the next victim to not go into the room. But the victim doesn't hear you. So they go into the room anyway. Everyone else can see what is going to happen.

Arfarfanarf · 03/02/2016 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allbymyselfagain · 03/02/2016 13:03

OMG every time this thread pops back I think finally she's grown a backbone and dumped the loser. And then you just ask the same things again and again and again. He doesn't love you! He has kept you so far out of his life you're practically strangers. Please get some self respect and tell him you are ending it. Today! By What'sapp. Then block him. You deserve so much more.

And all your talk of low self esteem, don't you see he is causing that with his treatment of you, any woman would have low self esteem if every time they tried to force a relationship with a man who wasn't interested they got rebuffed the way you are. He is spineless, he's been honest but not honest enough to say how he really feels.

WithYourKissMyLifeBegins · 03/02/2016 14:46

OP posters do get it fucking wrong on here. I posted an entirely different question and I had my relationship pulled apart. I was not even posting bout relationship difficulties and I was told my DP was using me, he was delaying his divorce cos he did not want to marry me blah blah blah. All fucking bollocks. Planning our wedding rn.

But you are posting bout relationship problems and he should want to progress your relationship in over 2 years. You do need to tell him to be honest with you when he gets home cos it seems he is stringing you along. He should make you feel wonderful not upset.

Here is hoping you receive the answers you want. Ignore the posters slagging you off and post if you need support. Good luck.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2016 18:34

I am guessing you haven't seen Op's previous threads.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 03/02/2016 19:20

WithYourKiss Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ha.

Congratulations. You have come along with brand new advice that the OP will SURELY take. We haven't seen this car crash happening for months, with the OP saying the same thing over and over. You have totally solved it. Well done you!

BigQueenBee · 03/02/2016 20:02

OP I'm not judging you like some other posters. I've been you and young naïve and needy .
Get a handle on this...he is spinning you a yarn and making all the right noises.
Stop analysing this situation. Go cold turkey; don't look for answers online. Busy yourself with more important stuff and please stop feeding your addiction /infatuation. It will wane I can assure you.
It's blatantly obvious to any outsider that this " dream man" is a crock of bullshit.
Go no contact for a fortnight ( you will survive) and I guarantee he will have lost interest in you by then.
You are holding out for the dream that will never be...
He's all smoke and mirrors. He ain't your man babe ..he's a pathetic player, a married man looking for a bit of excitement .

LidikaLikes · 03/02/2016 20:26

Do you have anything else in your life, OP? Things which could enhance your self-esteem - hobbies, sports, religion etc etc?

Methinks you need to get your attention off this no hoper relationship and do something positive.

LidikaLikes · 03/02/2016 20:26

FWIW, I've read this full thread and and exhausted on your behalf.

lavenderhoney · 03/02/2016 20:41

You don't just get divorced for £400 and that's it. There is the finances to sort and that's what costs the money in the end. It probably doesn't matter to either him or his wife if they get divorced or not. He doesn't want to remarry and I doubt more kids

Don't pay for someone else's divorce. Find someone who actually wants a long term relationship with you. From his failure to engage and move it all forward he just doesn't want to. That's fine. Its his choice.

You have a choice- just say it's not what you want and stop seeing him. Its hardly fun, by the sound if it.

stiffstink · 03/02/2016 20:59

Bloody hell, I think I need some support after reading this full thread. I'm drained.

For the love of all that is holy, draw a line under this shit.

ISpeakJive · 03/02/2016 21:44

Are you sure he's in the ME and not holed up with his WIFE and child???

DollyTwat · 04/02/2016 00:27

LavenderHoney has hit the nail on the head!
The divorce is the easy but
It's the financial stuff that is hard - takes years.

MoggieMaeEverso · 04/02/2016 06:22

I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable

What would it take to make you sure?
And why would it matter if you were BU?

(Serious questions)

Shutthatdoor · 04/02/2016 06:32

Bloody hell, I think I need some support after reading this full thread. I'm drained.

For the love of all that is holy, draw a line under this shit.

This

WithYourKissMyLifeBegins · 04/02/2016 08:56

AF no ain't read them. OP summed up her situation early in this thread. Clearly it is a long running saga.

I do not see how slagging off the OP helps. Yeah you lot do get it wrong though I think you are right here.

Goodnight good job I love a sarky sense of humour!! The same could be said for many of the posts on this thread.

Nanny0gg · 04/02/2016 11:35

I just want to make sure I'm not being unreasonable as he always turns it around on me.

One of him, hundreds of us.

Do you think there's a tiny chance we're getting it right and he's wrong?

Gottagetmoving · 04/02/2016 11:50

Jeez,.. Why are you wasting all this time?!! The guy does not want a divorce, He doesn't care about you.
How many months, years and hints do you need?

Dump him. Spend time being on your own and then find someone who is not a complete Dick.
Why would he do anything you want when you allow him to use you like this?

JolseBaby · 04/02/2016 13:05

Withyourkiss the problem is that OP does the same thing every time - starts a thread then disappears.

It begins with an OP which outlines what a twat her OH is. People give up their time to post advice. OP comes back and doesn't acknowledge anything that's been said - not even to ask questions or clarify. Instead she drips some more info about what an arse this man is. At some point a (usually daft) suggestion will be made about something completely inappropriate and ill-advised that she's thinking of doing to try and 'save' the relationship. Hundreds of MNers all collectively tell her not to do this and explain why its a bad idea. OP then disappears.

Weeks go by and OP reappears, posts another thread with the same problems having not taken on board any of the advice previously given. No explanation about why she didn't think about the advice given previously - no acknowledgement of previous threads unless people pick up on this and press this point. It all goes round in the same tired circle. Rinse and repeat.

I agree with you; MN does not always get it right. But I think you can see in this situation why people might get tired of someone starting threads again and again, whilst willfully ignoring what they are being told. On this basis I can only conclude that either OP is completely set on not ending this relationship, regardless of what she is told - in which case she needs to make this clear and stop using AIBU for 'advice'. Or she is a bridge-dweller who is just doing it for attention.

catlover97 · 04/02/2016 13:39

SurlyValentine Grin Grin

WithYourKissMyLifeBegins · 04/02/2016 14:29

Jolse did not know OP fucks off and then returns with same question. Frustrating and point made. She clearly will not listen then and I can see why posters have got pissed off.

redexpat · 04/02/2016 14:34

Why do you need to be reasonable to end a relationship? If it doesnt work for you then thats all the reason you need. You owe him NOTHING.

KinkyAfro · 04/02/2016 14:38

Middle East you say? I bet he's with his wife, if this thread is real ok