to ask if you think a sahm should wake wohm in this instance

[devon004]

So we have a toddler who still wakes occasionally the night. And 2 primary aged dc. I do all the night wakings without a problem. (Cosleep so quick breastfeed sorts it) Dh has never assisted. This is all fine as he has a long commute and works long hours.
However last night ds1 comes in to announce he has been sick. He is fine and goes back to bed. However, the vomit went everywhere and the commotion was enough to wake toddler dd. So I am cleaning walls, beds, carpets and all the random objects the vomit landed on and sorting out dd.
Dh either didn't hear or choose to ignore it as I was dealing with it.
so should I be waking him in this situation? Will he crash the car if he doesn't grt enough rest? (he said this in the early days when dd would be awake for hours at a time)
thoughts please Mn jury.

Yes you should wake him, they're his children too.

I would have woken him under those circumstances. The night feeds I get but another pair of hands would have been useful!

I think that the person who earns the money has a right to sleep. You can always catch up in the day when the kids have a nap - sleepiness and lack of concentration at work or while driving is not good.

That's how we worked it anyway when DCs were born - though the minute I went back to work, everything was 50/50. We took alternate nights, so we were assured of getting a good night's sleep every other night.

It's done now, you've dealt with it, move on. Do it if you genuinely need the help, not to be spiteful.

yes, wake him in those circs.

I would have woken mine under these circumstances, but not if he had to drive to the other end of the country for work like he sometimes has to. More local and definitely.
how long is his commute?

Of course he should help with night waking. Whether or not someone's been sick, but especially in that case!

Get enough rest

I think his head is in the clouds if he expected to never be woken in the night after having children simply because he works.

When dcs are sick it's all hands on deck. Dh would've been up without me waking him.

I've never ever napped during the day after a rough night, and when I've worked I've often found it easier being there than at home, since I can just sit and dose up on caffeine without worrying about the demands of small people.

Yes. Vomit can defiinitely be a two man job. I'm a SAHM and would without question wake my DH in those circumstances.

I never understand this idea that the woh parent gets to never have any night wakings. I could accept it if the wohm has a job where s/he has to fully contentrate 100% of the time, but really how many people do? The sah parent has to look after the children during the day. Surely that's more important, and requires more concentration than sitting in front of a computer?

OP - yes, your DH should have helped, but he didn't so the question is what do you do longer term about that?

Yes, DH would have been woken in those circumstances.

YANBU

I'm with you. My husband helps me through thick and thin, and had one of the most demanding jobs there is. Does it because they are his children too. Your other half should be able to handle a disturbed night once in a while, part of having kids.

Unfortunately my 2 year old doesn't always nap and I still have to do school run for ds2 but at least I can walk.
dh commute is probably a 70 mile round trip so quite far.
Ds1 is now having an extra long half term even though he feels fine.

I always watch these threads with interest. I'm on maternity leave at the moment and do all night wakings although DH will keep the monitor downstairs until he goes to bed at midnight.

I'm going back to work full time when DS is 11 months and not sure if it's reasonable for DH (who'll be a SAHP) to do night stuff from then.

When there are two kids up at night, if there are two parents they both need to be up, unless there are exceptional circumstances. Needing to go to a normal day's work when you've had a good night's sleep every previous night because you don't ever help at night is not exceptional circumstances.

My DH has a 12 hour day in a senior stressful role. He does a fair amount of night wakings on any normal night and would absolutely be up if there was sickness involved. He just sucks up the tiredness next day and deals with it. Parenting is just tough like that, and while it's optimal for a WOH spouse to get good rest on most nights, it just isn't possible every night with children and ludicrous to expect it.

Vom's always a two person job and is completely different from 'normal' night waking. Of course you should have woken him.

Tiredness can mean traffic accidents and mistakes at work, so potentially loss of life or job. It's not a competition. If you can deal with it, which the OP has, what's the point of setting rules for the sake of it? Unless you think the DH was secretly awake and just pretending to get out of helping. Then it shows lack of respect and a bigger problem.

I was capable of sorting it and actually don't feel too tired today but was just thinking that if he helped it would have been sorted in half the time. Good to get other viewpoints.
Will have to have a discussion as I will be returning to work part time soon.

Did you need him ? would it have helped? may be easier to let him sleep then he can do the morning rather than having two people shattered.
i am the wohp and do the vast majority of the night wakenings (largely as DS wants me) - i don't understand how popele don't apprecaite how much harder it is to work during the day when you are tired than look after a child- i've done both- i don't get to choose at work what i do/have a slack done/look crap etc- i do at home

A decent partner wouldn't even need to be asked.

I would have woken him in these circumstances, but as a SAHM, I never woke DH during "normal" night wakings. However DH always let me lie in on a sat and sun, so I could catch up on sleep.

I think every family is different and you should do what suits your family. If he's got a demanding job and a long drive, he needs his sleep but he should be letting you catch up at the weekend.

Yes - is this situation there are children needing comforted and vomit needing cleaned. I'm sure there are single parents who cope with this because they have no other option, but when there are two parents in the house both should be dealing with this. In our house, I'd be the one dealing with the vomit because it makes DH likely to hurl himself (if he is the only one there he will deal with it as best he can), and he would be comforting the children.

So because I don't 'earn the money' I have no right to sleep?! Are you kidding me? Seriously?!
I can't catch up on sleep as the toddler no longer naps. I have them from 6.30am until 7pm on my own every day apart from Sunday (which is 9am until 3pm) and do all night wakings with baby and any of toddlers. Still don't think I deserve any sleep? Really? Think I'd be 100% safe driving the kids around after a night of 3+ wake ups just because I don't earn cash? Some posters here need to get a grip.