to ask if you think a sahm should wake wohm in this instance

[devon004]

So we have a toddler who still wakes occasionally the night. And 2 primary aged dc. I do all the night wakings without a problem. (Cosleep so quick breastfeed sorts it) Dh has never assisted. This is all fine as he has a long commute and works long hours.
However last night ds1 comes in to announce he has been sick. He is fine and goes back to bed. However, the vomit went everywhere and the commotion was enough to wake toddler dd. So I am cleaning walls, beds, carpets and all the random objects the vomit landed on and sorting out dd.
Dh either didn't hear or choose to ignore it as I was dealing with it.
so should I be waking him in this situation? Will he crash the car if he doesn't grt enough rest? (he said this in the early days when dd would be awake for hours at a time)
thoughts please Mn jury.

Always wake for a vomit if he is home. As vomiting child needs changing and comforting. As does other children who have been woken up. While I clean

With the luxury of a second person in the house, I'd expect that he share the load of getting DS1 into clean clothes and back into a clean bed asap so everyone could get back to sleep.

It's one night, you can all go to bed early the next night.

Driving while tired is exactly the same as driving while drunk. Not only are you incompetent to drive, you have diminished ability to understand that you are in no state to drive. So if you know (from experience) that not sleeping might cause you to nod off on the motorway, you need to just not make that journey.

In my experience it is motorway/long-distance driving that is more of a problem, so lack of sleep is probably less of an issue for those only doing city driving, as opposed to those commuters who are doing longer distances.

The SAHP can probably just not drive if they haven't slept. If public transport is not an option, the commuter is not going to phone up work and say they're not coming in, they will always take the chance that they're going to be OK, if usually (but not always) they are.

I do think good sleep is potentially a life-or-death issue, for someone who is going to spend say twenty minutes or more on high-speed roads.

What about people like me (and many others) who suffer from insomnia Theoretician? Not everyone puts their head on the pillow, sleeps for a solid 8 hours and wakes up refreshed. We still have to work/function every single day.

Absolutely would DH be up, although I wouldn't need to wake him. As pp said, one to clean the vomit and one to comfort sick child/ren, thus getting everybody back to sleep asap. Especially as that kind of a thing is a one off.

If I needed DH's help, I'd wake him but send him back to bed as soon as I could cope again on my own. DH does have a 30min commute on busy motorways so I'd be conscious of this.

However DD is his child and sometimes children mean you're both up in the night. It's not ideal and I'd expect DH to be pretty knackered after a disturbed night and a full day at work, so I would expect him to flake out in the evening!

I think me turning the bedroom lights on and shouting "get up" tends to wake my OH.
As one of us is usually looking after sick child, other cleans up, puts washing load on etc.

He should get up without prompting.

But yes, I'd bloody well wake him if he didn't. Possibly by throwing a cloth at him.

DH would get up though. Not sure we'd still be married if he was that selfish.

It actually wouldn't occur to me to wake DH up tbh, I've dealt with all night wakings on my own. I guess it's the pattern we have fallen in to - it doesn't make sense to me to have both of us awake if I can handle it on my own. I have woken him once or twice when very worried about a poorly child for reassurance though. He does have a job where he has to be alert & carries a lot of responsibility (of course you can say the same for me as a sahm but I won't get struck off for losing my temper with the kids/putting in Cbeebies/forgetting to get the milk)

Goodness me. We have always both got up for sickness(as in vomiting) But then we have always both worked oth. For general night wakings (v. rare) whoever has the easier day afterwards gets up. I think Dh is a lighter sleeper than me,he also sleeps on "the door side" and I used to do nights,so I think he is more the default nightie parent, but yes vomit is a 2 man job !

Your DH is selfish. Unless he has medical issues a half-hour wake up out of a normal night's sleep really should not cause him to crash the car. I hope if he is that sensitive to sleep "deprivation" he has never been on a night out or stayed up watching a film.

He is BVVVU to expect that he never has to do any night time care with 3 DCs.

However I do think that normal night feeds / get ups would usually be the remit of the SAHP, with flexibility for illness, weekend lie ins, pregnancy etc

YDdraigGoch I strongly suggest you read this www.ijreview.com/2015/04/287991-fathers-cant-afford-stay-home-mom/

Who the fuck actually naps when their kids nap?! When would stuff get done?!

Oh, and I have worked in a very responsible job with a small child, and as it was part time stayed home other days. I found the days at home harder.

I would (did) wake DH up but then we were both going to have to go to work the next day, DH using machinery and me with a long-distance drive.

On the rare occasions when this did happen, I would make sure everything got dealt with as quickly as possible. Get sick bowl, facecloth/tissues, change of clothes. One person to clean up and change child. Other person to strip bedclothes and dump in bath. If there was puke on the floor, I'd get up the worst of it and cover it with an old towel to be dealt with in the morning. Puke on the walls would be quickly wiped off and properly cleaned the next day. 10 minutes and everyone can get back into bed (sick child would always come in with us so no remaking their bed.

I'm a SAHM and Dp would definitely get up in this situation. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and dp is picking up loads of the slack at the moment. When night wakings were a regular thing then I did the lions share (but by no means all of them) but for one off stuff, of course he'd get up.

Theoretician We're only taking about one night waking, of maybe half an hour. Par for the course with young children and really not life and death.

As One says ... unless he's nearly crashed the car from staying up an hour late for a movie or something, one night is no big issue. And if he has he might want to get to the gp, have his b vitamins and iron measured...

Definitely a two person job, at least when kids are young and are in need of comforting! DH has always assisted on night wakings, despite his full time job - I detest the "he who makes the money gets to sleep" approach to life, it's selfish...

Vomit is two person job.

If you're wohp it does help to have your sleep. But in most jobs it isn't vital to have your full 8 hours. Most sahm have to drive at some point too.

The only rationale for wohp to be excused all nights is if sahp can definitely get a nap.

Would depend on the actual circumstance at that point for me.

I did most night wakings, so if I woke d he knew that I really did need help.

Dh doesn't commute, he has a short cycle, and he also needs relatively little sleep compared to me. However I wouldn't wake him if I knew that he (unusually) had to do a car journey (it would be 2hours+) where he was driving, nor would I wake him if he's been up late doing something that needed doing and had just gone to bed.

If I didn't need him then I wouldn't wake him. Yes, it might be nicer to sit and cuddle ill child than sort out sicky sheets, and dc would definitely want me cuddling them rather than him, but if they're cuddled up in a towel not upset and I can change the sheets without him then I would on the basis I can. Equally well if he's not gone to bed and that happens (he goes to bed 2-3hours after me quite frequently) he will usually tuck sick child in next to me while he sorts out sicky sheets. Which disturbs me minimally.

I wouldn't wake him on the basis that it's a yucky job and if I'm dealing with it then should jolly well deal with it too. He deals with different yucky things that I don't want to.

And when he's asleep he really does sleep through almost anything, so it's not him refusing to do anything without being asked, it is that he really isn't aware of it.

As a single parent I'm reassured to see several posters saying that vomit is a two person job! It makes me feel better that I really struggle when mine are sick.

Last time, it was ds3 (who was just 2 at the time) and I actually shut him and me in the bathroom together, and stayed in there with him for an entire day and night to try and limit the disruption - It was that or he would have been sick on everything and anything in his path.

My Mum told me it was unnecessary and ridiculous, but the other two managed fine (they were 7 and 11) and I supervised various things through the door while keeping ds3 contained.

I developed a sort of cabin fever after a while and became slightly catatonic but it did work I will being a proper mattress-type-affair next time though. No sleep was had.

DH would get up to help with a vomit situation, if he didn't wake up I would wake him. He does vom way better than me, I end up retching really loudly

I am always a bit when the working parent never gets up as their sleep is so much more precious. Don't get me wrong, I did the lions share of night wakings mostly as I was the one with the breasts and I could have a bit of a laze on the sofa if I was really knackered. DH does have to drive a long way and is up and out early.

He is however more than capable of having a night out entertaining clients, with friends, with me or as management meetings and getting in very late then going off to work early once in a while therefore equally capable of getting up for half an hour or so with a naggy baby or crying toddler.

We both always did night feeds. Even when I was on mat leave. I wouldn't wake him dh up to clean up sick tbh, but then he does his fair share and probably wouldn't wake me unless he really needed to. Cleaning up sick is fine but if the child was also crying then its a 2 man job.

Exactly Notso. If my DH can stay up til the early hours watching the election results, or can go out for a few beers with mates or stay til the end for a Sunday wedding he can get up for a vomiting child!

If on the other hand, he has to be in bed by 10 or 11pm every night of the working week, without exception, then I'd let him off duty.

As it is DH always gets up with me if DS is vomiting. He does the child clean up and I do the linen clean up as that takes a wee bit longer. That way DH and DS are back in bed within 20 minutes and I'm in within another 15 max. Otherwise it'd be over half an hour before DS was resting and when a child is poorly I think their rest comes before any adults.

I am WOHM, DP is SAHD. We only have one little DS and my long commute is on public transport, not driving. DP does all the night wakings in the week (there are still a few, every night). I do the weekends and try and do one in the week.

However when DS has been really bad at night or ill I would get up and help out for the worst of it (i.e. in the situation you describe I might clean up the vom and settle the toddler and leave DP with the ill child). If the ill child went back to sleep before the toddler then I'd expect the SAHP to take over and let the WOHP so they can go back to bed.

That said, I have slept right through one substantial night-terror/teething 'incident' recently, so it does happen. (though I'm first-trimester pregnant so extra-sleepy, which I'm not sure your DH can claim!). I wouldn't mind being woken to help, but often if you are used to ignoring night-wakings it might need someone to say they need a hand, as even if you can hear a kerfuffle, it doesn't necessarily penetrate the consciousness that help might be needed.