to ask if you think a sahm should wake wohm in this instance

[devon004]

So we have a toddler who still wakes occasionally the night. And 2 primary aged dc. I do all the night wakings without a problem. (Cosleep so quick breastfeed sorts it) Dh has never assisted. This is all fine as he has a long commute and works long hours.
However last night ds1 comes in to announce he has been sick. He is fine and goes back to bed. However, the vomit went everywhere and the commotion was enough to wake toddler dd. So I am cleaning walls, beds, carpets and all the random objects the vomit landed on and sorting out dd.
Dh either didn't hear or choose to ignore it as I was dealing with it.
so should I be waking him in this situation? Will he crash the car if he doesn't grt enough rest? (he said this in the early days when dd would be awake for hours at a time)
thoughts please Mn jury.

Complete agree with sweet

As the SAHP I have always done all the night calls as dh always flaming sleeps through them but for the last 4 ears I've been pretty pissed off - all this 'he needs his sleep for work' crap, well I need my bloody sleep too! I've had to get up at the same time as dh to get the dcs to school, by car, and at the weekend I generally get up first too as dh somehow manages to sleep through the dcs demands for breakfast! Dd is still only part-time at school plus I work on her school days.
I'm only getting decent sleep now the dcs are older, and it has really rankled.
...and I worked nights for 10 years pre children, and know how to work around sleep deprivation.

And breathe...

Of course you should have woken him. Why does he get to sleep whilst one of his children vomits and another cries?

As for who earns the money gets to sleep. ha! What a ludicrous comment.

We had 3 in 15 months.

When I was a sahm my working dp did all the nights,sometimes alone.

I don't get why vomiting is a two person job, what if someone lives alone? It doesn't take two adults at all.

The person not working the next day should do the night wakings regardless of the reason for waking. There's no pressure the next day on a non working person, yes a school run may have to be done but the rest of the day is easy.

If both work, it should be shared. One lie in a weekend each to share where possible.

the rest of the day is easy

Again, your children are obviously very different to mine.

If someone lives alone they have to cope and do a lot of things that would be much easier with a second pair of hands I've had the joys of vomity dcs whilst single, and it would have been much easier if there had been someone to comfort and clean up the child whilst I changed the bedding. If I had a dh who snored away whilst his dc needed him to parent, then I wouldn't think much of my dh. Thankfully he sees himself as an equal parent and gets stuck in to all aspects of it, good and bad.

Interesting replies. Thank you

Unfortunately on the rare occasions I work I have to get up with dd as I can settle her quicker.

Haven't had time to read all replies so apologies if I am repeating someone else reply.
I bet my life that your dh does hear the dc during the night but knows u will eventually get up, even at weekend. My dh (stupidly on his behalf)admitted once that he does hear our dc wake as I foolishly thought he was able to sleep through. Since then I gently kick him during the night , if it's his turn, to go settle the kids. I am a sahm and my dh works evenings. I do all the nights dh works and I stay in bed on sat or sun depending if he worked or not. If dc had been sick or if they had all woken up together I'd be waking him up to help. If I was coping ok dealing with the kids myself then I wouldn't.

Gently kick

No pressure on the person not working-ha,ha,ha,ha.......

Try running around after three under 15 months which include a newborn.

My dp pitied me every morning he left for work and viewed sitting at a desk all day far easier.

Very grateful for such a hands on dad,dd still goes to him rather than me in the night.

As a SAHM I always did night stuff if I could but in circumstances like that I would enlist DH help. Even just cuddling the disturbed kids in your bed helps when you are cleaning up at stupid am then you could move them back to bed afterwards. Illness is an exception to any I'm at home I do nights rule imo. Yes it's good for a working parent to not be knackered all the time but one night disturbed never killed anyone. That happens naturally anyway as most people have odd nights of disturbance anyway.

DH does the vomit. I only deal with vomit if he isn't there. He wouldn't wake me up unless one of the children needed comforting while he was cleaning up.

If I was working the next day I doubt very much he would wake me up at all, but ours are at school so he can sleep during the day as he is the SAHD.

When I was a SAHM to little ones I did expect my ex husband to help with the night time stuff. We used to take any night feeds in turn because I didn't have the option of sleeping during the day. Vomit?again he would clean it up but I would settle them back to sleep so we could have less sleep disturbance as possible.

Vomit = all hands on deck imo

Yep I'd have woken him and he wouldn't have minded at all.

Dh would wake up or be woken and willingly help out. Two person job.

My guess is that a large portion of WOHD's choose not to hear the commotion and pretend they are asleep when really they just can't be bothered to get up or they simply don't think it's their 'job'

Absolutely, why on earth does the fact you have to drive or go to paid work stop anyone being able to cope with children in the night? This is not the 1950s. Being at a job out of the home is actually often cushy compared with being at home with a dependent child. fgs.

I did all the nights when I was on mat leave. DH did them all when he was out of work for a bit. Swings and roundabouts and all that. I suspect if he hadn't done the nights when he was out of work and I'd posted moaning I would have been told to LTB.

Well I do think if someone has to drive the next day it's not advisable for them to be woken repeatedly in the night tell ds2 that if there is another person around who can wake up instead who isn't driving. I have noticed however that yhe extreme importance of the driver getting enough sleep changes depending on whether that driver was me or him

My WOH DP actually does more of the night wakings than I do with our six month DS because I have PND and it's a lot lot worse when I am seriously sleep deprived. Our DS went through a phase of waking every hour or so and taking up to a couple if hours to resettle, and I seriously wanted to kill myself (by which I mean I constantly thought about ways to commit suicide) even doing half of the wakings. DP can manage on less sleep than me so he didn't mind, he was more concerned that I got some rest as he felt that he at least got a break during the day.

Thats just it though I wouldn't expect him to get up repeatedly just once.
On balance I think I need to wake him on those odd occasions otherwise I can see it always being down to me even upon my return to more regular work.

Yeah I think people are forgetting the OP is talking about one night. Not repeated night wakings every night. Surely everyone has disturbed nights generally every now and then and has to work/drive the next day regardless?!