to ask if you think a sahm should wake wohm in this instance

[devon004]

So we have a toddler who still wakes occasionally the night. And 2 primary aged dc. I do all the night wakings without a problem. (Cosleep so quick breastfeed sorts it) Dh has never assisted. This is all fine as he has a long commute and works long hours.
However last night ds1 comes in to announce he has been sick. He is fine and goes back to bed. However, the vomit went everywhere and the commotion was enough to wake toddler dd. So I am cleaning walls, beds, carpets and all the random objects the vomit landed on and sorting out dd.
Dh either didn't hear or choose to ignore it as I was dealing with it.
so should I be waking him in this situation? Will he crash the car if he doesn't grt enough rest? (he said this in the early days when dd would be awake for hours at a time)
thoughts please Mn jury.

I have been thinking about this thread a fair bit.

Aside from the inherent misogyny of thinking that the rest of a SAHP doesn't matter, something else has been bugging me.

And I have realised what it is. DH and I both get up because it is best for the children. A child who has just thrown up everywhere needs to get clean and settled back to bed ASAP. That is achieved by one person cleaning up and one person cleaning and comforting the child. I find it hard to believe that wouldn't apply for most children. DH doesn't get up because I can't cope on my own (I have, many times, as he often works away). He gets up because he does the right thing for our kids.

DH and I each work part time and I currently have a 40 mile each way motorway commute. Id have got up in that scenario if I was working next day. DH might have sent me back to bed if situation under control. But def sounds like a two man job to me.

No of course you don't need to wake him. You stay at home so it's your job. You can have a snooze during the day, he can't.

Will he crash the car if he doesn't grt enough rest? (he said this in the early days when dd would be awake for hours at a time)

Ugh, in that moment you should have told him to stop being so bloody dramatic or take the bus.

Next time puke-gate happens, wake him and plop said pukey child and toddler down next to him while you go sort out the mess. If he doesn't like that he can clean up.

That's just life.

'You can have a snooze during the day'.

When?? Mine no longer naps. I can't just snooze while she's climbing book cases and sticking her fingers in plug sockets!

My youngest does nap occasionally but it is not every day anymore sadly.

I am utterly boggled by all these people who think you routinely get a chance to nap when you're at home with a toddler (and, presumably, an ill school aged child).

I've been a stay at home mum so don't try to kid me it's hard. You chose it, be thankful you have a husband who is prepared to support you so you can stay at home. A lot of people have to do both. Single parents manage.

So as a sahm I need to split myself in 3 and simultaneously deal with a crying toddler, vomit everywhere and help calm and clean up sick child becaus I sah. So my job can be 24/7 and his is 40 hours. youare and my little one rarely naps now and if she does it is normally in the car or on one of my 4 school runs per day.

What a thoroughly unpleasant message. You could equally argue that she supports him to work by providing fully flexible, wrap around childcare.

I am a SAHM. Some days it is nice. Some days it is fucking relentless and far harder than being at work (where I worked in a very high pressure role with long hours).

Ignore it, Devon, competitive martyrdom is boring. It's much nicer to have an equal, caring relationship where the dcs feel as safe with dad as with mum.

As I said, plenty of single parents manage fine. Why have kids if you are going to moan about looking After them?

Yes single parent manage, and I fucking salute them.

But why should OP have to 'manage' on her own when she has another fully functional adult (who is also responsible for his children) to pitch in and help?

Why have kids if you are going to moan about looking After them?

Exactly! This also applies to the father in this situation.

Sorry for partly duplicated post. Yes I did choose to sah but only because we would be worse off me working after paying for childcare.
Actually I have been thinking about returning to work for a while but finding a workable solution isn't easy so currently I do the odd day when I can but see myself as sahm as I may only do maybe 1 day per month.

Ignore the GF

Harder than being at work lol. You can tell that to the dads but not other sahms

And she doesn't provide fully flexible child care as she is expecting him to go to work AND get up in the night

Arse it, I need to start reading user names.

I was actually thinking about dc when I pondered whether I should have woken dh. If I had both dc would have been settled quicker. Vom can wait 30 minutes but a sick child snd a crying toddler shouldn't have to.

You're perfectly right Devon.

Next time do not hesitate to wake him.

bonkers - I agree, you are a nasty GF.

OP- I agree on ignoring all the 'in my day we sucked a lump of coal and were grateful' martyrdom. A fully functioning adult relationship is a lot more fun.

I am wondering whether he should get up once after 10 years of night waking. Really shouldn't fall for goady posts but sleep depravation does strange things to you.

youareall has it ever occurred to you that not all children are exactly the same as yours? That not all of us have exactly the same experiences as you?

Although tbf he dis occasionally get up with eldest when ds2 was a newborn.

youareallbonkers If you have been a SAHM you would know that after the age of about two many children do not sleep much in the day, if at all, so not much chance for a snooze.

I found working much easier than being a SAHM. No way would I have done all the night wakings.