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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want these people invited to the meal?

216 replies

hangoversally · 20/05/2015 22:59

I worked in a team last year and we were really close and always had a laugh together.

It wasn't a great job though so eventually we have all left now. It's been a year since we all met up as a group as one of them went travelling and so did I.

We finally settled on a date for our team night reunion. I was then told that two other people were invited. They worked in the same building but I barely knew them. Up until that point it was always just our team who were going.

Aibu to feel a little annoyed?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 20/05/2015 23:00

Who invited them and why?

DoJo · 20/05/2015 23:05

Did the rest of the team know them well? Did they join the team after you had left? Can you not just sit with the people you do like - it seems a bit much to insist that only the people you like are invited to the meal if all the others want them there.

TurnOverTheTv · 20/05/2015 23:08

You sound a bit precious. Maybe they have all become close since you left, and why do you even care?

Original poster
hangoversally · 20/05/2015 23:09

I'm not insisting that only people I like are there. But it was a night out for our team.

These people were not on our team

OP posts:
Original poster
hangoversally · 20/05/2015 23:12

The majority of us left around the same time. Some months before me.

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/05/2015 23:12

Maybe the others got closer to those two and would like to see them too?
Unless you think those people will spoil the night, I'd say the more the merrier. And a chance to know them better. Who knows? You might become friends.

TurnOverTheTv · 20/05/2015 23:12

Well it's hardly a team night when you haven't seen them for a year. And they've all left the company.

DoJo · 20/05/2015 23:14

I'm not insisting that only people I like are there. But it was a night out for our team.

Sorry - somehow deleted the middle of that sentence which was 'if someone else has organised the whole thing and the others want them there'. Who organised it? And who told you they were invited?

WalterMittyish · 20/05/2015 23:29

It does sound a wee bit petulant on your part, I'm afraid.

Presumably they were invited because other people think they're good company and will add something to the evening. Perhaps the memo about which sections of former workplace were and were not eligible to attend got lost somewhere along the lines and it was assumed that you were all just up for a nice night out. Or maybe in the last year the new invitees have spent time with some other members of the team and they've become great friends?

I'm sure they weren't invited without good reason.

Are you still emotionally attached to something you associate with your time working with the former team, you're trying to recreate or relive 'the good old days', and you regard them as 'interlopers', in a sense?

Only1scoop · 20/05/2015 23:33

You sound a bit petty to be honest.

Someone on your 'team' must have wanted to invite them.

It's no biggy really

Original poster
hangoversally · 20/05/2015 23:34

Or maybe in the last year the new invitees have spent time with some other members of the team and they've become great friends?

I quite clearly stated that we have all left now.

Are you still emotionally attached to something you associate with your time working with the former team, you're trying to recreate or relive 'the good old days', and you regard them as 'interlopers', in a sense?

I really do not have a clue what you are going on about. I'm trying to relive the good old days? Confused Well I'm 24 so hardly.

What do you mean by interlopers?

OP posts:
Original poster
hangoversally · 20/05/2015 23:36

Someone on your 'team' must have wanted to invite them.

Why are you saying 'team' like that?

We were a team. We worked in the same department, we had a team name, we had a manager for our team.

OP posts:
Aermingers · 20/05/2015 23:41
  1. That explains it. YABU.
WalterMittyish · 20/05/2015 23:43

"I quite clearly stated that we have all left now."

You also stated that you haven't met up in the last year and you've been away travelling, so how can you know who they've all chosen to socialize with during that time?

"I really do not have a clue what you are going on about. "

Erm, ok ~ I didn't realise it was so cryptic Confused

Your nose seems to be out of joint over something fairly minor, and you come across as having an element of 'possessiveness' about your former team, which is why I'm asking if the time you spent in that team represents a particularly significant time in your life, a period of your life to which you have a specific emotional attachment.

I don't see what being 24 has to do with anything ~ people in their twenties can still have emotional connections to the past.

WalterMittyish · 20/05/2015 23:44

ps: look up 'interlopers' if you're not sure what it means.

trulybadlydeeply · 20/05/2015 23:44

Who invited them?

What sort of night out is it? Is it a meal (where you could end up Sat next to someone you don't know all evening) or just drinks? How many in the original team? If it' was a small team, e.g. 4 or 5 people, then the two "non team" people will potentially alter the group dynamics quite considerably. A larger group, e.g. 15 people, much less so.

Andylion · 20/05/2015 23:53

You also stated that you haven't met up in the last year and you've been away travelling, so how can you know who they've all chosen to socialize with during that time?

They may all socialize with tons of other people, but these other people were not members of the team.

OP, I think trulybadlydeeply asks some important questions, (see above).

Original poster
hangoversally · 20/05/2015 23:55

Your nose seems to be out of joint over something fairly minor, and you come across as having an element of 'possessiveness' about your former team, which is why I'm asking if the time you spent in that team represents a particularly significant time in your life, a period of your life to which you have a specific emotional attachment.

Confused

No it's about wanting to catch up with a team of people I worked with. Where we all know each other.

I can't be bothered to make small talk with strangers.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/05/2015 23:57

But they obviously aren't 'strangers' to some of the others attending.

Maybe they won't wish to make small talk with you either.

WalterMittyish · 21/05/2015 00:00

"I can't be bothered to make small talk with strangers."

Don't, then. Make it clear that you didn't want them there because you barely knew them and they're not part of the team.

Hope you have a wonderful night! Wine

Summerisle1 · 21/05/2015 00:00

I can't be bothered to make small talk with strangers.

I doubt they'll be making much of an effort to bother you with their trivial utterances if you present as charming an impression in real life as you've done on here.

Nettletheelf · 21/05/2015 00:01

God, I hope I'm never on the same night out as you.

UnsolvedMystery · 21/05/2015 00:03

I can't be bothered to make small talk with strangers
Sounds like you'd be better off not going, doesn't sound like you'd enjoy it.

Original poster
hangoversally · 21/05/2015 00:06

God, I hope I'm never on the same night out as you.

ditto

OP posts:
WalterMittyish · 21/05/2015 00:09

And they say travel broadens the mind ... Hmm

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