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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want these people invited to the meal?

216 replies

hangoversally · 20/05/2015 22:59

I worked in a team last year and we were really close and always had a laugh together.

It wasn't a great job though so eventually we have all left now. It's been a year since we all met up as a group as one of them went travelling and so did I.

We finally settled on a date for our team night reunion. I was then told that two other people were invited. They worked in the same building but I barely knew them. Up until that point it was always just our team who were going.

Aibu to feel a little annoyed?

OP posts:
Lweji · 22/05/2015 11:22

Because unless you're the A Team, I don't see the problem.

And she is BA. giving a whole other meaning to the hairy trucker poster

to not want these people invited to the meal?
Lweji · 22/05/2015 11:27

Have a ball mumsnet

I think she may mean the round kind. We already have the scarf, why not a ball?
I'd buy one.
Kicking a ball in the park with DS in style.

to not want these people invited to the meal?
19lottie82 · 22/05/2015 11:27

They were caught selling meth behind the fag shelter

Really? Meth is pretty rare in the UK? Are you sure this isn't a case of bad Chinese whispers?

On a side note that would make an amazing name for a band!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/05/2015 11:31

If it had been a regular who posted that some people she didn't know had been invited to a team thing she would have been supported and, depending on which regular, would had a flock of arse-lickers.

OP's only mistake was not being a regular. The synopsis is similar to those I've seen. She didn't deserve this.

I'm amazed at some of the bitchiness on this thread and the omniprsent ganging up... so very 'woman-like', I'm sad to say. Hmm

Lweji · 22/05/2015 11:35

No, most of the kicking has been about her replies and their tone when she was told she was being at least somewhat unreasonable. She refuses to give a better explanation other than "they are not part of the team" and got arsey pretty early on in the thread.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/05/2015 11:40

No, she got 'arsey' at being picked up on her use of the word 'team' and had the mickey taken out of her. The tone was set then and some posters piled on... as they usually do.

PrivatePike · 22/05/2015 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 22/05/2015 11:44

Are you still emotionally attached to something you associate with your time working with the former team, you're trying to recreate or relive 'the good old days', and you regard them as 'interlopers', in a sense?
Perfectly reasonable question.

A: I really do not have a clue what you are going on about.

Oh, and this gem: I can't be bothered to make small talk with strangers.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2015 11:48

Lying I agree with Lweji - it wasn't until later on in the thread (a bit of drip feeding) that she mentioned about her colleague inviting the interlopers and then also mentioned rather cryptically (can't think of exact words but gave the impression the interlopers had done or said something).

the OP was a bit off I suppose but I'm guessing she was a first time poster, however she isn't all lily white as she came out in first few pages with some 'MN'isms' so I'm guessing she's a lurker...

I remember quite early on when I first joined MN that I got wind of the fact that AIBU could be quite goady etc... the OP must be very naive if she expects (not that she did) the correct answers (eg hers, they shouldn't come!) to her post rather than people on rest of thread.

diddl · 22/05/2015 11:52

Perhaps it's because OP comes across as more than a little annoyed?

Maybe someone else knew them quite well, or does now?

It sounds as if it's been quite a casual thing though so I can see why non team members might have been invited.

Did the rest of the group meet in the year that folks were travelling & things got altered then?

Perhaps if you liked them OP, you wouldn't mind & someone else obviously does like them.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/05/2015 11:54

Yes, SuperFly but considering how MN posters really don't like to be thought of as 'the Borg', the responses on this thread don't really help to show anything other than a 'group think'.

Being naïve or deemed to be a lurker is not an excuse for a pile on though is it? I just think this thread was hectoring and some responses were pretty mean. I'm sure OP has buggered off now anyway.

Lweji · 22/05/2015 12:01

You always get some mean answers on MN, it's natural on a public forum.

As for ganging up, it can seem like that when an OP is being unreasonable and almost everyone says so.

Then, there was a bit of light piss taking (which is a great thing in MN) and the OP seemed to be taking it on well and joining in (meth dealers), which is why it continued.

Fairenuff · 22/05/2015 12:07

But Lying how do you know OP isn't a, what you call, 'regular'? Confused

chaletdays · 22/05/2015 12:13

Some nasty arses on this thread. The Op made a point that has been made and supported time and again on this forum. She only got a bit defensive because of the bitchy and unpleasant responses that came flying back immediately.
I think this is a prime example of the piling on and schoolgirl bitchiness that is the unacceptable side of MN.

OnlyLovers · 22/05/2015 12:25

I think this thread is very bullying too.

I'd be a bit put out if I was expecting a night out with a group made up of certain people and then found out that others, who I didn't know, had been invited too.

It's not about being socially challenged, or precious, or miserable, or needing to broaden your life experience; it changes the dynamic of the evening and, if you've been looking forward to one kind of evening and are then told that you'll be having another, it's OK to be disappointed.

Arsenic · 22/05/2015 12:29

She got very defensive because of the prevailing "YABcompletelyU".

And she kept coming back just to be defensive some more.

Getting defensive as the OP in AIBU is always a recipe for shenanigans.

OnlyLovers · 22/05/2015 12:30

I'm not really surprised she got defensive, and I don't think she was BU.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/05/2015 12:30

I put it to you, Fairenuff that had, for example, yourself posted the thread, you would not have received these responses.

Do you honestly think you would have? Or do you think you might have got a "Fairy mate, what's going on?", accompanied by "Yes, it does change the dynamic, I wouldn't like it either". The last being what I think the OP really wanted to hear.

I can be very pointed and narky at times, I don't mean to but sometimes my responses come across that way. I know it happens and try to grab myself by the scruff of the neck because when I've had responses like that myself, it's jarring. The pile on though, that's something else. Horrid.

Arsenic · 22/05/2015 12:34

Pfft. AIBU is vaudeville. You have to play nicely if you start a thread or you get eaten.

I started a thread in AIBU and then got arsey once. It's one of my war tales.....

chaletdays · 22/05/2015 12:36

She got increasingly defensive Arsenic and I don't blame her. There's a difference between being direct or witty and being unpleasant and nasty. Some posters on here obviously don't understand that and really need to take a long hard look at themselves and grow up.
This attitude that 'it's AIBU so anything goes' is really a huge sign of immaturity.

RiverTam · 22/05/2015 12:37

goodness, I've only read page one of this thread and it's nasty straight away.

I'm with the OP, if you've been in a close-knit team, arrange drinks for that group, and someone invites a couple of randoms, that's just weird, it changes the dynamic of the occasion completely. Why do they have to come on this specific night out? They don't.

I'm kind of happy to meet new people at a party or a casually put-together night out, but for something quite specific like this I think it's odd. I wouldn't want to have to concern myself with having to keep a couple of people who won't know the past history up to speed or not felt left out. I actually think any social ineptness comes from whoever invited these two.

Arsenic · 22/05/2015 12:38

It's realism.

She should have just abandoned the thread when it went wrong. You can never rescue them once they go bad.

PrivatePike · 22/05/2015 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chaletdays · 22/05/2015 12:40

The OP is coming across as one of the few mature people on this thread.

TenerifeSea · 22/05/2015 12:41

I know the OP got arsey but there was a bit of a pile in, taking the mickey out of her use of 'team'. I agree with Lying.