Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want these people invited to the meal?

216 replies

hangoversally · 20/05/2015 22:59

I worked in a team last year and we were really close and always had a laugh together.

It wasn't a great job though so eventually we have all left now. It's been a year since we all met up as a group as one of them went travelling and so did I.

We finally settled on a date for our team night reunion. I was then told that two other people were invited. They worked in the same building but I barely knew them. Up until that point it was always just our team who were going.

Aibu to feel a little annoyed?

OP posts:
TheAnalyst · 22/05/2015 05:36

I think this really depends.

In a job a little while ago I worked on a medium-sized, reasonably tightly-knit sales team. When I worked in that team, there was another sales team in the next room, and I did talk to them occasionally but wasn't as close to them. I had next to no interaction with any of the customer care guys. The IT department I actively disliked because of their oppositional attitude.

So... here's how it would work for me if the night out was for my old sales team:

  1. Someone invites a couple of people off the other sales team that I'm not so close with - I'm fine with that; I didn't know them as well, but they'll still be a familiar-ish face.

  2. Someone invites Brett from client services. I have no idea who he is. I hope he isn't that sweaty guy with the quiff who high-fives people all the time and says "Bants!!" and "Ledge!!!!!" a lot.

  3. Someone invites that incompetent twat from IT with whom I had a totally pointless 3-day e-mail exchange about something that I could have worked out myself in 10 minutes, but needed IT's intervention to fix per company policy.

So really, we need to know what your relationship is with the non-team member. If it's more like 1), you're being unreasonable. If it's 2) or 3), I can see how you might feel uncomfortable.

TheAnalyst · 22/05/2015 05:39

If you will "100% not be friends for many reasons", it sounds like this is a 3). I don't think anyone likes it when they're forced to socialise with sworn enemies.

Stoneysilence · 22/05/2015 06:30

You'd think, having travelled for a year recently, the OP would be in a more flexible and spontaneous frame of mind than she appears to be. OP your group plans have changed, that's beyond your control and is what one of your team friends (who's actually been arsed to book the table) wants. Can't you get used to the fact plans have slightly altered and open yourself to the possibility the evening might still be enjoyable? It seems to me that you resent not having control over the plans (in which case you should have volunteered to arrange things yourself) and because you've held such a strong expectation in mind of how the evening will go, you are closed minded to any other eventuality.

You need to unclench.

Only1scoop · 22/05/2015 06:34

YAWN

Yes ....Sums it up

00100001 · 22/05/2015 06:56

I still can't see what your issue is OP Confused

please clarify, why his is such a huge problem? (Apart from, we were a team)

pinkr · 22/05/2015 07:19

Some of you...honestly. it's like picking on a small child...you can't tell that the prop is obviously socially challenged and of below normal maturity for her age and yet you keep on going. For shameShock

FeijoaSundae · 22/05/2015 07:47

This is such a 24 year old's conundrum.

Ah, the bad old days...

Lweji · 22/05/2015 08:15

With a clear head this morning, the main question for me is:

why didn't you organise it?

That way, you'd only invite the people you wanted to. Grin

You left it to someone else, so tough.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 22/05/2015 08:24

I can't be bother to debate the team thing. Why are some of you so obsessed. We were a fucking team. End of.

Are you sure about that? They seem to be changing the team dynamics!

Maybe it's a precursor to dropping people that didn't really fit in, you know the types - stroppy, unsociable.......

Original poster
hangoversally · 22/05/2015 08:35

who's actually been arsed to book the table)

Even if you could read you'd see that she hasn't booked anything.

I would happily book but because she and a couple of others have religious beliefs that would prevent them from eating at certain places why would I not allow her to pick a place she can be comfortable at? Hmm

It's got nothing to do with not being "arsed"

OP posts:
MarvellousMarbles · 22/05/2015 08:35

I'm going on a night out tonight with a team of women that I have only recently done a bit of work for and barely know. They've all been working together for years/decades. I'm going because one of them asked me and I thought it would be rude to say no. I really hope the others don't have your attitude, OP as it would mean I have a really awkward, unpleasant evening.

These other two people have been invited by someone who thinks it would be nice if they're there. YANBU to prefer it if they weren't, but you would be VVVU to show it in any way, or do anything to make them feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. They're just people. They may not even especially want to be there but are making an effort because they've been asked.

Original poster
hangoversally · 22/05/2015 08:37

Some of you...honestly. it's like picking on a small child...you can't tell that the prop is obviously socially challenged and of below normal maturity for her age and yet you keep on going. For shame

Thanks Smile

Their comments don't hurt though because I know they do not know me or my life.

It's just sad that they use an Internet forum to get kicks from trying to get a reaction.

Anyways I'm off to work and then literally out all weekend. Have a ball mumsnet xxxx

OP posts:
00100001 · 22/05/2015 08:38

PLEASE answer the question, what is the problem with these people being here, apart from "they weren't in the team"

I really am finding it impossible to understand why you would object to them being there Confused

Arsenic · 22/05/2015 08:43

Anyways I'm off to work and then literally out all weekend.

Living the dream Smile

But not with her team Sad

WalterMittyish · 22/05/2015 09:13

Sally, I think you misread this comment from Pinkr:

"Some of you...honestly. it's like picking on a small child...you can't tell that the prop is obviously socially challenged and of below normal maturity for her age and yet you keep on going. For shame"

[in the context, I posit that 'can't' is a typo, instead of 'can', for grammatical sense]

SumThucker · 22/05/2015 09:18

Arsenic Grin

The word 'team' has lost all meaning.

donemekmelarf · 22/05/2015 09:20

Your attitude sounds a bitmean gils. You are not allowing your ex workmates to have any other friendships?
They have all moved on. You need to as well.

donemekmelarf · 22/05/2015 09:21

mean girls.

Waltermittythesequel · 22/05/2015 09:28

But was it a team night out or was it a catch up amongst acquaintances? Because if it was the latter, the other two have as much right to be invited as you. Probably more if the girl in question currently works with them.

Does it really have to be exclusive to The Team? Because unless you're the A Team, I don't see the problem.

donemekmelarf · 22/05/2015 09:39

It's MY Team night! Angry

CactusAnnie · 22/05/2015 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2015 10:00

the 100% we will not be friends for many reasons is telling - was there a fall out with the other department?

I've never really worked in a company with teams but departments yes, and sometimes ex members of staff turned up (which could be awkward but generally wasn't). I remember the ex of one of my team-members used to turn up and had a go at me (and had to be held back) as she thought me and him had something going - he was a natural flirt though and she wanted him back.

a friend has a similar situation in the sense of she's a contract worker in NHS/Gov offices (a few different ones), she has met up with the team she got on best with in the past. i think she'd be a bit Confused Hmm if there were new people invited but on the whole I can't see her causing a stink about it.

Lweji · 22/05/2015 11:12

It's just sad that they use an Internet forum to get kicks from trying to get a reaction.

Yes, I fully agree it's sad, OP.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 22/05/2015 11:18

That's right, suckers! She's a wild 'n' crazy 24-year-old who doesn't want to meet any new people and likes to hang out on Mumsnet with a load of middle-aged women killing time between work and kids.

PARTAY!

Fantastic!! Grin

Fairenuff · 22/05/2015 11:20

Have a ball mumsnet

What, all of us? Or just the ones on this team thread? Is it okay if I invite someone from 'telly addicts'?