Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want these people invited to the meal?

216 replies

hangoversally · 20/05/2015 22:59

I worked in a team last year and we were really close and always had a laugh together.

It wasn't a great job though so eventually we have all left now. It's been a year since we all met up as a group as one of them went travelling and so did I.

We finally settled on a date for our team night reunion. I was then told that two other people were invited. They worked in the same building but I barely knew them. Up until that point it was always just our team who were going.

Aibu to feel a little annoyed?

OP posts:
HobnobsandTea · 21/05/2015 00:09

You'd better hold on tight to that ex team of yours them, Sally. If you can't be bothered to make small talk with strangers you'll never make any new friends.

Original poster
hangoversally · 21/05/2015 00:26

If you can't be bothered to make small talk with strangers you'll never make any new friends.

I have loads of friends thanks.

OP posts:
WalterMittyish · 21/05/2015 00:34

Genuine question,: what were you hoping for from this thread, Sally? Were you wanting a chorus of 'YANBU' to validate your feelings of annoyance?

You've been pretty unpleasant to the people who don't agree with you. And unfortunately, it is making you sound quite sullen and immature.

So, genuinely, I ask you (and if you could respond in a relatively pleasant tone it would be a boon), what was your goal in posting the thread? I don't think it was to genuinely find out if you are BU, because you haven't been prepared to accept any suggestion that you might indeed BU.

trulybadlydeeply · 21/05/2015 00:36

OP if you answer my questions we may be able to help you. How many people were in the team? What kind of outing is it? Like I mentioned before, whether the two non team members will significantly impact on your evening depends on numbers, type of event etc

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 21/05/2015 00:37
Shock
Lweji · 21/05/2015 00:42

The OP is clearly not inclined to make small talk (or any talk) with strangers.

Oh, wait.

Lweji · 21/05/2015 00:47

You know what, OP, why don't you talk directly to your team about those two people, and when they voice similar opinions to ours, or justify those two people being invited, why don't you reply to them as you have here?
Don't forget to mention the small talk with strangers and how protective you feel about your team, the team, and only the team.
I bet they will love it.

WalterMittyish · 21/05/2015 00:54

And on another forum sonewhere, there are two people complaining about a girl being invited to the meal just because she worked on a team in the same building as them over a year ago, and are they BU to be annoyed about it, because they never really knew her anyway and she doesn't make small talk with strangers Wink

ThisTimeIAmMagic · 21/05/2015 00:54

Lweji :o

OP I was a bit more sympathetic until you started being so snippy to everyone on the thread! Your former colleagues want these people there. For some reason that's getting up your snout. Let it go. Enjoy the night and enjoy talking with the people you want to see. Don't be a brat about it or I guarantee the next big reunion will contain the 'strangers' and leave you at home.

HobnobsandTea · 21/05/2015 00:59

I have loads of friends thanks

Well, that's good. Surprising, but good.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/05/2015 01:24

To reiterate FarFromAnyRoad's question - "Who invited them and why?"

IggyStrop · 21/05/2015 02:44

Lweji Grin.

OP, skip the small talk and launch straight into a discussion on Hamas or climate change. That'll show these bloody interlopers what they get for rocking up uninvited [by you] and expecting your scintillating small talk!

QOD · 21/05/2015 03:23

Yanbu and I get it

I've arranged 3 reunions for same ex workplace and word of mouth brought along a group that no one knew at all. As in who the feck was this 3 some?
I kind of think there's a chance it was a joke but reunion no 2 was quite weird when these 3 women appeared in our sectioned off bit of the pub
We have photos in our Facebook group and everything but no one knows them. There were.lots of strained moments
Either way I dunno why you're getting such a hard time but seriously, who did ask them?

NuggetofPurestGreen · 21/05/2015 04:52

I think YANBU OP! Based on information provided anyway. My friend from work does that kind of thing - we were going out for lunch (4 x good friends) and she invited her boss whom none of really knew.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 21/05/2015 04:53

It changes the group dynamic.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 21/05/2015 08:59

I hope you intend to be gracious to the other guests and not display an obvious attitude problem towards them.

TwinkieTwinkle · 21/05/2015 09:09

So basically you want the whole night designed around what would make you enjoy it most?

Yaaaaaaay for team spirit...

The5DayChicken · 21/05/2015 09:15

Aermingers, the OP's age doesn't explain anything unless you often make sweeping generalisations based on a person's age.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 21/05/2015 09:17

Maybe they invited them to dilute your contributions OP?

It's not unusual for us to have "hangers on" from other departments at our team bashes. We all work for the same company & will know them in one capacity or another.

Very often they're funny & enjoyable company possibly unlike you and get invited back!

Give it a go, you might even crack a smile.....

Aermingers · 21/05/2015 09:22

It bloody does. It's immature. The sort of behaviour that should be left in the schoolyard. Although in fairness most 24 year olds I know would be far too mature and sensible to get upset over something silly.

PrivatePike · 21/05/2015 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The5DayChicken · 21/05/2015 09:44

Maturity and age are not nearly as linked as you seem to think Aermingers. I've met 16 year olds mature enough to not judge someone based on their age and 60+ year olds who spit their dummy out when they don't get their own way. Stick to the OP's actions, eh, and stop reinforcing stereotypes.

OrangeVase · 21/05/2015 09:59

What we have asked in order to help answer your is:question is:
Who invited them?
Why were they invited?
Is it a big or a small bash? A drink or a dinner? What type of evening in fact.

I understand it can change an evening if there are people there you don't know. It happens sometimes but it is just life and might be fun. If not, never mind, there will be other nights out with your team.

WalterMittyish · 21/05/2015 10:08

The OP won't answer the (repeatedly asked) question of who invited these extra guests and why, which suggests that perhaps the meal was not universally recognised as a 'team only' event. This seems to have been her preference, it obviously wasn't the preference of at least one other member of the group.

And perhaps the potential change of group dynamics was intentional, given that one particular member of the group clearly lacks a little grace?

Only1scoop · 21/05/2015 10:10

Exactly Walter.

I'm unsure what Op wanted from this thread from her interaction to be honest.