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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want these people invited to the meal?

216 replies

hangoversally · 20/05/2015 22:59

I worked in a team last year and we were really close and always had a laugh together.

It wasn't a great job though so eventually we have all left now. It's been a year since we all met up as a group as one of them went travelling and so did I.

We finally settled on a date for our team night reunion. I was then told that two other people were invited. They worked in the same building but I barely knew them. Up until that point it was always just our team who were going.

Aibu to feel a little annoyed?

OP posts:
maddening · 21/05/2015 20:47

If this was weekend for your birthday or hen party, your leaving do etc etc then Ywnbu however this is not "your" weekend, there were no rules set and the other people - whose weekend it is as well - want these people to come, your only options are to go and enjoy yourself and you would not be prevented from catching up with your old team by the mere presence of 2 other from the same company albeit not the same team, or you don't go which would be silly.

Yabu and if you try to assert your wil on the group the group may well tell you to do one - it would cause ill feeling and awkwardness whether they came, didn't come or if you were uninvited/refuse to go. If you stamp and they relent then some people who wanted them there will be pissed off. If you stamp and they come anyway you will feel bad, they will feel awkward and so will everyone else. If you stamp and refuse to come then I doubt you'd see them again nor if they chose the other couple and then asked you not to come.

Basically no good can come from raising it, you could make an excuse not to go but that seems daft as you really seem to like your old team. So Yabu and you may as well let it go as you will only wind yourself up about it and ruin the event for yourself by stewing and /or other people (who you apparently like) if you raise the issue, go and enjoy yourself - being so worldly, travelled and socialised 2 extra people, who your friends like enough to want to include them, shouldn't get in the way of that.

maddening · 21/05/2015 20:49

Well just tell the police where their escaped prisoners are, they can't come on a weekend away while back in the clink.

SoldierBear · 21/05/2015 22:45

Why are people finding it hard to believe we were a team. We were the only ones who worked in that department

Because you don't come across in your posts as a team player.
And because working in the same place as X number of other people does not necessarily mean you are a team.
Were you the manager of the team?
If you discover that every single other member of the team wants these two others to join you, will that make it ok as a team decision?

Redtrousers · 21/05/2015 22:56

Agree with pp- you do sound a bit petty, and, dare I say it, rather childish.

Dynamics change all the time in workplaces, I know mine does. I've been on Mat leave second time round for almost a year. I know that when I return , things won't be exactly how they were before when I left. They'll be different people ' in my team' but I will get to know those new people and adapt to the situation. That also includes team building sessions, evenings out etc

I appreciate that your situation is different in that your team is former rather than current, but I really think you need to change your whole attitude around this 'meal' as it really is just that. A meal. Certainly nothing to get your knickers in a twist over who is in attendance.

You need to deal with it like an adult OP. Either that or don't go.

LineRunner · 21/05/2015 23:02

I wonder who invited the other two people.

UsedtobeFeckless · 21/05/2015 23:30

I do get it OP but don't say anything or you'll sound like a loon! Just go and be fabulous ... Who knows, the newbies might be nice! Hmm

Original poster
hangoversally · 21/05/2015 23:50

YAWN.

I can't be bother to debate the team thing. Why are some of you so obsessed. We were a fucking team. End of.

One person sent a fb message to say lets meet up etc ... It was a group discussion and we only decided on a date. No one person organised it.

One said I will book a table. As she can only eat halal I thought it best to leave it up to her to find somewhere she is happy/comfortable with.

I text and asked if table was booked and that's when she said no and then said she'd also invited two other people.

I really don't like this argument of you might make a new friend. we will 100% not be friends for many reasons.

OP posts:
Nettletheelf · 21/05/2015 23:56

What are the reasons? We must know. Did they sell you fake gear and now there is bad blood between your gangs?

UsedtobeFeckless · 21/05/2015 23:56

I thoroughly disliked several of my friends when we first met ...

Arsenic · 22/05/2015 00:00

I invite extras as well. I'm of the 'kill two birds' way of thinking. It only went tits up twice in three decades. As in blood and stuff.

Details please Smile

UsedtobeFeckless · 22/05/2015 00:00

They shoved her little brother out of a window and beheaded her father for a crime he didn't commit and then tricked her brother and his pregnant wife into coming to this feast and then ...

Shit. Wrong thread. As you were ...

Lweji · 22/05/2015 00:02

We were a fucking team.

Ooooh, new information.

So, so many questions. Did you fuck as a team? Did you take turns? In pairs and then swapped?

If the other two were in another department, what was their team about? Wanking? Any of those things we'd rather not google?
Or just a meth trafficking team?

Although, if your job was a pile of shit and you were in a fucking team, I think I'd really rather not know. Shock

And on top of it, you will have two external people penetrate your meeting. Yes, you are right, it could get complicated. You have to be careful with team swinging.

Fairenuff · 22/05/2015 00:03

she said no and then said she'd also invited two other people

Aha, so the mystery of who invited them is solved!

Lweji · 22/05/2015 00:04

Used
Grin

gaslamp · 22/05/2015 00:08

I thought this was going to be a wedding thread! YABU - it's a catch up with some old work mates, get some perspective. Not surprised they've invited a few more people - perhaps they'll liven up the evening

FeijoaSundae · 22/05/2015 00:10

I fully understand that the plan you thought was in place isn't quite panning out as you'd expected, and that you're a bit disappointed.

But...

So what? You're allowed to be disappointed. You're allowed to vent.

But then you pull up your socks and get on with it. That's life. It comes with small disappointments from time to time. Sometimes it even comes with big disappointments.

This isn't the end of the world.

Go and have fun. Avoid the people you don't want to talk to if you must, and make the best of the situation. You're still going to see a load of people you do actually like and want to catch up with, right? :)

FeijoaSundae · 22/05/2015 00:14

In other words, no, YANBU to be a little annoyed.

You would be unreasonable to be so petty that you let it over-shadow the night out, though.

Aermingers · 22/05/2015 00:18

Ah! It was the Muslims what done it. This thread is going a bit UKIP.

BitchPeas · 22/05/2015 00:19

I dislike one if my friends now. She dislikes me. We love each other though, even the bits we dislike.

Maybe this will happen to you on your team night out Smile

AvaCrowder · 22/05/2015 00:21

OP I'm sure when you meet them that you will like them.
Try to make the best of things, so you get to have a night out with your team. If your team member likes them I'm sure that you will too.

Have fun!

AbbyCadabra · 22/05/2015 00:43

I can understand op not wishing to out herself. All we know so far is that the team worked together a year ago, two went travelling and now they're meeting up. One wants to bring two friends, someone will only eat halal. All very vague so far, to say the actual number of the fucking team would be catastrophically outing. Apparently.

WalterMittyish · 22/05/2015 01:11

"One person sent a fb message to say lets meet up etc ... It was a group discussion and we only decided on a date. No one person organised it. "

When was it specified that it was a team-only meal?

Do the other team members know that non-table booking lady has invited the extra people, or is it just you who knows via text message?

Did she say why she decided to invite them?

And, more pressingly, has she booked the table yet?

So many questions ....

WalterMittyish · 22/05/2015 01:13

"We will 100% not be friends for many reasons."

What are the reasons? Not all of the 'many reasons', obviously, but just a few examples?

blankgaze · 22/05/2015 02:02

OP, The current situation is one where you need to ignore what's happened with the arrangements, step back, take a deep breath, look at what's on offer now and either attend or cancel.

In future, if you want a particular social event to happen and you want it to be only within your own regimented specifications with zero flexibility, then you need to organise the whole thing yourself, solely on your terms and make sure everyone that is invited knows there will be absolutely no deviations from the rules you have made for them to follow, so that the event happens exactly how you want it to.

WhirlyTwos · 22/05/2015 02:42

We will 100% not be friends for many reasons.

I believe you are 100% right on this. But probably for different reasons.

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