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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask this mum if she can help out with the school run?

221 replies

UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 20:59

DP and I both work full time, but DPs hours meant that he could do the morning school run and we use after school club. He's just been offered a new job, which means that won't be able to happen any more.

As I do neither the morning nor after school run, I haven't built much of a network of school-mum friends. There is one mum who lives close by, she's around my age and we've been out together with our DCs once recently and my DD went to hers for a play date. She seems really nice and we got on well.

She works full time too, but is able to get her DD in for school in the mornings. WIBU to ask if I could drop my DD to hers in the morning so she can take them both in? And if I'm not BU, how do I go about asking?

(I hope she's not a MNer or I've seriously outed myself!)

OP posts:
downandoutindulwich · 28/04/2015 21:03

Yabu to consider that as a permanent childcare option not just a one off. Does your school not gave a breakfast club, or could you find a childminder?

maroonedwithfour · 28/04/2015 21:04

Its cheeky tbh. Pay for child are.

Griphook · 28/04/2015 21:04

I think it a really big ask, you barely know her and you're putting her in quite an difficult position.

Have you thought about what you would do if she/ds were sick and she couldn't get in, and how would you repay her?

Could you he a child minder or breakfast club?

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 28/04/2015 21:04

I think YABU.

I would talk about the situation when you next see her. If she offers, great. If not then you'll have to find another way.

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 28/04/2015 21:05

Maybe if you offered her some money she might say yes. It's quite a big ask though. All kinds of problems may arise, like she's ill/her dc are ill/your dc and hers might fall out.

RC1234 · 28/04/2015 21:06

What is in it for her? What are you going to offer - not necessarily money, but a favour in kind. No one likes the school run .

maroonedwithfour · 28/04/2015 21:06

There is no way I'd agree to this on a permanent basis. I am a sahm but theres way more to it, illness, dcs falling out etc

sarascompact · 28/04/2015 21:06

It's an outright YABU from me simply because I wouldn't leave my child with someone I barely know. I wouldn't ask such a massive favour of someone I barely know even if I was prepared to leave my child with them.

I also think YABU because It's a heck of an imposition and puts a lot of pressure on the woman. It's something which could quickly sour your new found friendship. What if she or her child are sick? What happens if they go on holiday, move or mum decides she needs someone else to take her own child in?

Why not pay for breakfast club or a childminder?

Bathsheba · 28/04/2015 21:06

You are asking for a huge commitment from her - it's too much.

Find another way and possibly ask her is she can in very exceptional circumstances (ill childminder etc)

CrapBag · 28/04/2015 21:06

YABVU.

You've met this mum twice and you want her to have the responsibility of taking your child to school every day! No way.

What about when her child is ill or not going for another reason? What will you do then?

Your child, your issue how she gets to school. Use a breakfast club or a childminder.

AuditAngel · 28/04/2015 21:06

Whilst I'm happy to help in emergencies (and have) I would not be prepared to have a permanent arrangement set up.

Sometimes I need to be at work early, or in a different office meaning DH or mum have to do the school run.

I would also feel under pressure to not be late etc (not that we often are)

ishallnamehimsquishy · 28/04/2015 21:06

Yabu. As above.

dietcokeandwine · 28/04/2015 21:07

For a short term arrangement (ie a week or two whilst you sort permanent childcare), or one-off emergency it would be fine OP.

Requesting a regular five-days-per-week-for-foreseeable-future arrangement as a favour would not be fine.

Find a childminder or use breakfast club.

icelollycraving · 28/04/2015 21:07

Pay for breakfast club. It's not ok to ask a virtual stranger to do this everyday as a favour. What is in it for her?! You can't reciprocate so pay a cm or for breakfast club.

Mydearchild · 28/04/2015 21:09

Unless she is a child minder or had said she wouldn't mind then yabu. Your child, your childcare issue. I have similar problems for the school pick up & there's not a cat in hells chance I'd make my child somebody else's responsibilty - they go to the after school club and I can completely relax knowing they are with professional childcare providers.

AmysTiara · 28/04/2015 21:09

No don't ask her, it would be really rude.

Frikadellen · 28/04/2015 21:09

Actually I dont see there is anything wrong in asking

I say that as the person who collected a friends (who at the time was a mild acquaintance) and her 2 dd's for 3 almost 4 years Said friend is today one of my closest friends but that was a happy additional to this arrangement.

Currently another 2 friends take my dd home for me on a regular basis

several children are ferried into our school this way.

I wonder if it is because it is a small village school so people more willing to aid as most live further away?

UterusUterusGhali · 28/04/2015 21:10

No. Don't.

Bathsheba · 28/04/2015 21:10

And you wouldn't be asking her to 'help' with the school run - you'd be asking her to do the school run

FenellaFellorick · 28/04/2015 21:10

That's quite a commitment to ask a virtual stranger to undertake.

What if it isn't always convenient? What if she'll ill or away? What if she simply does not want to take responsibility for getting someone else's child to school for the next however many years? what are you going to offer her in return?

I think if this is going to be a permanent need then you need to have something formal in place that isn't relying on a huge favour from someone.

It's the sort of thing that, having read a hundred or more threads from people on the other side! - has a habit of really going tits up, with bad feeling and resentment all round. Some people find it hard to say no but silently seethe. You don't know her well enough to know whether she's someone like that.

I wouldn't risk it. I'd just go for a childminder, breakfast club, etc.

no73 · 28/04/2015 21:11

Christ YABU no way would I agree to this.

brusselsproutwarning · 28/04/2015 21:11

No way, don't get involved with other parents of kids in same class /school as your dc regarding bringing, minding or collecting your kids to school.
Could all end in tears,if the 2 kids don't get on, if the other parent brings them late, whatever. Just remember that you have to see these patents for the rest of the school time...years could be! Awkward...

Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:11

None of the childminders near me drop to DD's school, and breakfast club doesn't open until 8, at which time I have to be at work.

Your points are all fair though, thank you! I'll have too see what else we can do. Eek!

OP posts:
AtomicDog · 28/04/2015 21:11

Are you going to collect both girls each evening then?

YABU. Would you do it for her if the situation was reversed?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 28/04/2015 21:12

Well I think it's OK to ask as long as you accept she may say no. You should definitely either offer her money or reciprocate in some other way. Do both of you only have one child?