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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask this mum if she can help out with the school run?

221 replies

UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 20:59

DP and I both work full time, but DPs hours meant that he could do the morning school run and we use after school club. He's just been offered a new job, which means that won't be able to happen any more.

As I do neither the morning nor after school run, I haven't built much of a network of school-mum friends. There is one mum who lives close by, she's around my age and we've been out together with our DCs once recently and my DD went to hers for a play date. She seems really nice and we got on well.

She works full time too, but is able to get her DD in for school in the mornings. WIBU to ask if I could drop my DD to hers in the morning so she can take them both in? And if I'm not BU, how do I go about asking?

(I hope she's not a MNer or I've seriously outed myself!)

OP posts:
Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:22

Sage the shift swaps could be a good idea. There are some days that I'm sure could be more flexible than others for work.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 28/04/2015 21:23

Obviously you can't ask her. So what's your DH doing to sort this? He wants to accept a new job that means your children need additional childcare. Does he have a plan?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 28/04/2015 21:23

You could ask her (genuinely) if she has any ideas re solutions you might not have thought of - NOT as a hint-dropping exercise though! Maybe a trustworthy reliable local teen? (Yeah right - sorry, making myself laugh there).

Pretty sure Mintyy is right about it being against the regs to pay someone who is not a legit registered childminder if they are not doing the care in your home.

cleanmyhouse · 28/04/2015 21:24

I used to take one of the other mums kids from 7.30 and take him to nursery when i took mine. I genuinely didn't mind. She used to give me about £30 a week. She didn't ask though, i offered when she told me she was struggling.

Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:24

Uni DD is only 6 so no walking alone for a while unfortunately.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 28/04/2015 21:25

Happy to be proven wrong about the childminder/payment thing though.

Lausarama · 28/04/2015 21:25

Oh i don't know. When I started secondary school I used to get the bus and then walk for 20 mins until a fellow pupil and her dad drove past me. They immediately offered to take me to school and did so until my mum got a car. I hardly knew the girl but then we became friends and so on.

I don't see there's much harm in asking. But be clear that if she or her dc are sick you'll make another arrangement (tell work you'll be late? How possible is that?)...

OutragedFromLeeds · 28/04/2015 21:27

The childminder thing only kicks in if the child is being cared for, for more than 2 hours. In the OP's situation it would be fine.

OP I'd do what Hearts suggests.

Ask her if she knows anyone who would be interested in dropping DD at school/breakfast club for ££. If she is interested, she'll offer herself. If not, she won't.

workJack · 28/04/2015 21:27

I have negotiated my work hours so I can do the school run and to be honest I would be pissed off if someone asked me to take their kids in. I love spending the time with the dc whilst walking to school and wouldn't want to lose that, no matter how much someone paid me.

SocksRock · 28/04/2015 21:28

You don't have to be registered with OFSTED if it is less than 2 hours per day.

NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata · 28/04/2015 21:29

Sorry I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but could you pop something into the school newsletter asking if anyone would help?

YourHandInMyHand · 28/04/2015 21:29

I'm really shocked you are thinking of asking someone you have met twice, who you barely know, and who hasn't been vetted/checked out, to have your child every morning.

I'm also shocked you think someone would be tempted to have another child dropped off at 7:35 when they are trying to get themselves and their own child ready for work/school.

SocksRock · 28/04/2015 21:29

I mind a friend of mines 2 DD's after school one day a week and she pays me. It gets declared on my tax return, but there is no requirement to register with OFSTED.

Iwantacampervan · 28/04/2015 21:33

When my two were at primary they were only just getting up at 7.30. I wouldn't have liked to entertain another child that early on a regular basis - we didn't leave home until 8.30.

Rivercam · 28/04/2015 21:33

I think it's a big ask to ask someone to do the school run who you hardly know. Can you alter your working hours to do the school run?

Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:34

That's a good idea hearts. We have a play date set for next week so perhaps I could ask then.

I haven't seen messages like that in the school newsletter before NotInGuatemala but there's no harm in asking I guess!

OP posts:
Redlocks28 · 28/04/2015 21:35

I can just imagine her asking on here...

'Can you believe that my neighbour-who I've only spoken to twice, has asked me to take her child to school with mine every morning! It's manic enough in the mornings, trying to rush around and get ready before dashing off to work-AIBU to say no!?'

....

squareheadcut · 28/04/2015 21:36

My neighbour asked me to take her kid. I did it and didn't mind. But then it got abit bad cos her son was really grumpy and not nice to my son and I started resenting it abit cos it seemed like it was permanent arrangement. But then she moved. So you probably shouldn't ask for permanent arrangement.

Rivercam · 28/04/2015 21:36

7.35 is very early also. When mine were in junior school, they were only just up then.

Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:38

Sorry YourHand I wasn't clear in OP. I know her, just not very well. We've lived in the same area for years and have always been familiar faces to smile at to each other, or have the odd "how was your weekend" chat on those rare days I can be at the school, but what I meant was we hadn't actually had a proper conversation until recently.

OP posts:
threegoingonthirty · 28/04/2015 21:40

If you're offering to bring her daughter home from after school club then it's a potential rota, not a favour. Don't see the harm in that, she can always say no. YWBVU not to offer something like that in return.

krisskross · 28/04/2015 21:41

I think this is a pretty unreasonable request OP. the other mum also works ft and probably loves that little bit of time with her DD, it's not just as simple as taking your DD too. Hope you get it sorted.

claraschu · 28/04/2015 21:42

I think it would be fine to talk it over, try it out short term, talk again, make sure you are paying somehow, etc

ChippyMinton · 28/04/2015 21:44

This is not a short-term measure, is it, if your DD is only 6? You need a sustainable long-term plan that does not rely on the goodwill of others. Goodwill and favours are for emergencies only.

I agree with what others have said, your friend has organised her work/life to enable her to drop off, and it's really inappropriate to take advantage of that.

Look harder for a childminder, re-negotiate your hours (25 minutes later is hardly asking for the moon), or have your DH negotiate his new hours to suit.

If I sound harsh it's because I did a friend a favour like this and she (as people do) took advantage, inconvenienced me, offered nothing in return etc etc. We didn't fall out, her child was lovely, but it was immensely irritating to have to plan around her.

DragonMamma · 28/04/2015 21:45

I think yabvu to ask somebody to do 1.5hrs of childcare each day, for free.

From your original OP I thought it was possibly 15-20mins before taking them in.

A 7.35am drop off is very early, I'm guessing your DD would need breakfast etc.

I think as a one off or a very short term arrangement it's fine to ask but certainly not for longer than that. I would think you beyond cheeky if you did ask - even if you did offer to pay.