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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask this mum if she can help out with the school run?

221 replies

UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 20:59

DP and I both work full time, but DPs hours meant that he could do the morning school run and we use after school club. He's just been offered a new job, which means that won't be able to happen any more.

As I do neither the morning nor after school run, I haven't built much of a network of school-mum friends. There is one mum who lives close by, she's around my age and we've been out together with our DCs once recently and my DD went to hers for a play date. She seems really nice and we got on well.

She works full time too, but is able to get her DD in for school in the mornings. WIBU to ask if I could drop my DD to hers in the morning so she can take them both in? And if I'm not BU, how do I go about asking?

(I hope she's not a MNer or I've seriously outed myself!)

OP posts:
Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:49

Dragon it is 15-20mins. Her DD goes to breakfast club too.

Going on other posts, I'm going to hold off of asking anyway though.

OP posts:
ragged · 28/04/2015 21:50

man people are so ridiculous.
Just ask in a friendly open way, Other mom can't do worse than say No. I'd offer to pay for sure and/or have some reciprocated school runs or babysitting time. She says No then fine you move on to finding an Au Pair type. I suggest, it's a good gig for someone like an 18yo getting NVQs in childcare or few quid extra for someone who works in a children's nursery but can go in a little later.

Dieu · 28/04/2015 21:55

Okay, if I've got this right, you'd like to ask the mum to take your child to the breakfast club which starts at 8 (as opposed to school at 9), so she'd only have your child for 30 mins from drop off. Is that right? I see no harm in asking but would offer something in return; either to pay her or maybe babysit for her in the evenings sometimes, if she's going out.

Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:56

ragged perhaps I'll have to start hanging out with the local teens to find out who does what and who can wake up before 11am! Grin

OP posts:
crje · 28/04/2015 21:56

I dont think you should bring it up at all. It is a big favour and asking her advice is likely to make her uncomfortable.

Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 21:57

That was the original idea Dieu. I'd also pick up from after school club (didn't mention that in OP though)

OP posts:
SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 28/04/2015 21:57

I have an arrangement similar to this with a dad who does the school run. Our DD's are friends in the same class at a school approx 2 miles away along a busy road so lifts are required. Difference is I work shifts so can generally do around half the pick ups/drop offs so it means he gets a break but also means he will happily cover when I'm at work. The other difference is it happened quite organically, we live in the same estate and would often follow each other to drop/pick up so one morning I flagged him down and said I would take his DD as was heading that way anyway and made sense for both of us to not do the journey, he accepted gratefully and offered to collect that afternoon. When he dropped DD off I said I was happy to take I. The morning again if he wanted and he responded in kind and went from there, he knows some days I can't do either but equally on others I will happily do both and if one of the kids is sick we just text and let know that we want be able to do the school run. Works really well but only because it's reciprocal. If you can arrange something like that I dont see why not.

BigRedBall · 28/04/2015 21:58

I've only read your OP and YABU!!!

You take responsibility for your own child. I'd be so annoyed if someone asked me this. No way would I do it.

serin · 28/04/2015 21:58

We advertised locally, as you would for any vacancy. A lovely retired lady applied, great references, DC's liked her and the arrangement worked brilliantly.

How much would a regular taxi be?

woodlands01 · 28/04/2015 22:00

I think the main issue here is you don't know her very well. I have asked a few of my friends to help me out in this way over the years - school drop off was always a problem. It was managed by being open and honest and by being able to offer something in return. I am a teacher so often had a houseful of children in the school holidays - great fun! I was also able to help with taxi-ing friend's children to after school activities as I was able to finish at 3.10 with some planning. We (husband) reciprocated with my neighbor 5 years later in giving her sixth form son a lift to the bus stop due to a driving ban (another thread..........).
If you don't know her very well you will not be able to 'read' when it becomes a stress. I would only ask in this situation if you are willing to pay. It could work out fabulously but for this to work it would probably need to be a two-way thing over a number of years or a paid activity.

Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 22:01

Serin taxi would be a £10 round trip a day. Quite a lot when I factor in paying whoever is dropping off, breakfast club and after school club too. The school isn't too far though so perhaps someone who is able to do the walk could apply. Is this something you think I could post on MN local? I've never really used it before!

OP posts:
Original poster
UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 22:04

Woodlands I hadn't thought of school holidays. I'm a teacher too so that could work out well (we have meetings every day before school!) You're right about not being able to read her stress though. She might not be the best person to ask for now.

OP posts:
Sagethyme · 28/04/2015 22:08

under don't hold off asking her, its fine to ask, i do a school run with a mum who lives across the street from me, never met her before until last september when we stood at the school gate bemoaning lack of wrapround care in our area! Turns out we only had one clashing work day (we managed to rope in another mum too) so now we help each other out including halfterms and holidays, our three DC all get on really well so that helps too!

Dieu · 28/04/2015 22:11

Wait a minute! Did you just say that you would pick the kids up from After School Club, OP? Then you should totally ask as it's a mutually beneficial arrangement! Nothing to lose.

Elsasalterego · 28/04/2015 22:12

Oh dear I didn't think the OP was BU if she offered to pay... I was Shock at the P who told OP to get an au pair!! Making the assumption that OP has a spare room to put them in!!

I really feel for you OP. I have had to do this. I paid the people who picked up and dropped off. I asked them by saying please don't reply to me now, go away think about it and chat to your DH and come back to me, and please don't feel obliged as I am sure I will work something out if not, I have just chosen to ask you first. They agreed to do it for me and it worked for a while. Unfortunately her situation changed and it had to stop, I found another, better solution and our 'friendship' was not affected. Her
DS wasn't ill but if he had been, then she would have let me know and I would have been late to work as a one-off.

serin · 28/04/2015 22:13

We paid our lady £50 a week for a 3 mile journey, just mornings.

It probably took up an hour of her day so only £10 per hour and she had her petrol money out of that. I don't think you could offer much lower than that to be honest.

Our 3 are teens now and catch the bus, it's £60 a week for 3 bus passes.

AmateurSeamstress · 28/04/2015 22:13

Invite her DD round for starters and see how the girls get on. My feeling is you prob don't know her well enough to sort out an arrangement quite yet.

Longer term, no harm in asking IF you can suggest an arrangement that is mutually beneficial. Picking up from ASC might not be something she would value. If it is, then great, but my guess is the morning run is harder and "worth more". If so, you'd have to make a better offer so you both feel it's fair. Does her DD miss out on clubs or something that you could take her to, or do they share an activity? I'd suggest just swapping a couple of days a week though, it's OTT for the children and the other mum to do 5 days a week.

Brandysnapper · 28/04/2015 22:14

I would like an arrangement like this if it meant I then had the chance to call on a favour in return - as you're a teacher could you offer some days in the holidays, for example, when other parents are likely to struggle?

Elsasalterego · 28/04/2015 22:18

I paid £6 an hour- her suggestion. The next lady I paid £8 an hour but that was babysitting at our house rather than my DS at her house with her DS as was arrangement no 1.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 28/04/2015 22:19

If you are a teacher I would maybe offer a deal that she does drop off and you have her DD for bits of the holidays, she might want to do that.

Have you got a local area facebook parents page or the school have one? You might be able to post a query there.

GottaFeeling · 28/04/2015 22:22

I wouldn't mind being asked. You word it to say it's just a thought and please feel free to say no, then give her some time to think about it. If it's just the actual drive to school, it's not that big an ask and she might be glad of a bit of extra cash.

However, you must never, ever be late, but at the same time, you must not be early and you will need to accept that you will be late for work occasionally, if her DC is unwell and she's not going.

If could be around for my Dc in the holidays, I'd bite your arm off!

emms1981 · 28/04/2015 22:24

How do you manage during school holidays?

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 28/04/2015 22:33

If I was the other mum I'd do it, if I feasibly could. I wouldn't expect anything in return. But you do need to offer something in return. I have all kinds of arrangements with other parents for clubs, school runs, inset days, babysitting. A few years ago I'd have welcomed the chance of a bit of extra cash but now it's the time/flexibility.

If you do ask her, emphasise that there is no obligation and you have other options (even if you don't!) but thought seeing as you're both working and live closely that you may be able to work out some arrangements to help each other.

Also, while I'd gladly do it if I could, I would tell you pretty sharpish if in reality it wasn't working for me.

Biscuitsneeded · 28/04/2015 22:46

I love all the posters telling the OP to just change her working hours. I knew as soon as I read her post that she is a teacher. There are some jobs where you can't negotiate! I'm a teacher, DP works away a lot. I have cultivated 4 different reliable local teenagers who are willing to come to my house as early as 6.30 in the morning so that I can leave for work. They each have a key, they watch DC until breakfast club is open, then they lock up the house and walk DC to breakfast club (5 minute walk) and then carry on to their own school/college. None has ever forgotten, or been more than 2 minutes late, or failed to lock the house, or been irresponsible in any way towards my DC. I pay £5 an hour. If you were offering this as a daily thing and paying £5 a day, the teenager in question could make more than £100 to save towards uni costs. Talk to your neighbours. Find out who has older kids, or maybe some friends of your DC have older siblings?

ImNameyChangey · 28/04/2015 22:51

I happily help other Mums with both drop offs and pick ups. One on a semi regular basis. it's no skin off my nose...why wouldn't I? Then I also know that I can ask them when I need help.

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