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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask this mum if she can help out with the school run?

221 replies

UnderEstherMate · 28/04/2015 20:59

DP and I both work full time, but DPs hours meant that he could do the morning school run and we use after school club. He's just been offered a new job, which means that won't be able to happen any more.

As I do neither the morning nor after school run, I haven't built much of a network of school-mum friends. There is one mum who lives close by, she's around my age and we've been out together with our DCs once recently and my DD went to hers for a play date. She seems really nice and we got on well.

She works full time too, but is able to get her DD in for school in the mornings. WIBU to ask if I could drop my DD to hers in the morning so she can take them both in? And if I'm not BU, how do I go about asking?

(I hope she's not a MNer or I've seriously outed myself!)

OP posts:

NakedBaby · 30/04/2015 14:18

Au pair would also work if you have room.

ljny · 30/04/2015 15:46

Nothing wrong with asking! Don't understand why half the posters here are getting their knickers in a twist over it.

If she's the sort who would find it an imposition, she can just say no. (Good advice to encourage her to think about it first, that way she won't feel put on the spot.)

When my three were young, I often had arrangements like this - both doing similar favours and receiving them. It actually added to our sense of community. My only regret is that I hated to ask. Looking back, I wish I'd had the confidence to instigate more helping-each-other arrangements.

debricassartcleary · 30/04/2015 15:50

No not callous chrome . I would help anyone out but this is an odd request. If you work you need to have childcare in place. I don't have family etc so me being at home makes sense. Dh is a doctor so household paying enough tax thanks. . I would never rely on anyone for something like this as I think op is would be taking advantage. As I said earlier I did help someone out for a year and it was a hassle two extra kids to look after. It really only benefits wohm who want swap favours imo.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 15:59

'You benefit all the time from women working outside the home - the nurses, the teachers, the shopkeepers etc. Not to mention their taxes.'

That does not mean that any SAHP, male or female, is obligated to provide free childcare that he/she does not wish to provide.

formerbabe · 30/04/2015 16:01

Personally I detest a reciprocal babysitting arrangement. I'd rather throw my last penny at the problem then have to return a favour by looking after someone else's child...harsh, I know.

debricassartcleary · 30/04/2015 16:04

Exactly Expat

KatelynB · 30/04/2015 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hoobypickypicky · 30/04/2015 16:37

I agree wholeheartedly formerbabe. I can think of little worse than caring for someone else's children. If I'd wanted that I'd have trained to be a nursery nurse or teacher!

I wouldn't impose on someone else, especially someone I barely knew. I think it's rude to ask and irresponsible to hand a young child over to someone who's a virtual stranger. We'd either pay for professional childcare or accept that it wasn't possible for the OH to take the new job.

muminhants · 30/04/2015 17:21

breakfast club doesn't open until 8, at which time I have to be at work

could you reduce your hours slightly and work from say 8.15 or 8.30 instead (don't know how long it takes you to get to work). Either on a flexible working arrangement (eg take shorter lunch break or stay a bit later) or take a slightly reduced salary?

HammerToFall · 30/04/2015 17:28

I'm a SAHM and I would have no problem with this. I'm always happy to help out my dc friends parents. Just ask you will either get yes or no

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 17:34

'could you reduce your hours slightly and work from say 8.15 or 8.30 instead (don't know how long it takes you to get to work). Either on a flexible working arrangement (eg take shorter lunch break or stay a bit later) or take a slightly reduced salary?'

Why? The partner is the one who wants the new job that makes the school run an issue. And she's teaching so it's rigid hours, but she should reduce salary, compromise her career and sort all the childcare to enable the other partner to take a new job?

rookiemere · 30/04/2015 17:35

Muminhants - I believe the OP needs to get in early as she has early meetings, surely the DH should be the one negotiating changed hours as he is the one changing jobs.

mathanxiety · 30/04/2015 18:18

The reason she has to be in the school at 8 is the apparently indispensable daily meetings before school where I am sure a huge amount gets settled and organised .

I hope you are getting paid for these meetings OP.

Original poster

UnderEstherMate · 30/04/2015 20:07

Sorry I've not been back on the thread. I think I've found an alternative solution though!

13YO niece is going to take her in on the way to school in exchange for some pocket money. She's very mature and sensible so no concerns for safety, my only worry is her being up and ready to go early enough! If she gets there later than 8.15 DD misses breakfast. I'm going to give her a trial week and see how it goes.

OP posts:

Original poster

UnderEstherMate · 30/04/2015 20:08

mathanxiety chance would be a fine thing . But it's "directed time" so if get a bollocking if I were to be late all the time.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 30/04/2015 20:25

I'm very glad your partner has you to sort all the childcare out for his child, too. How about your partner steps up if she's late and makes sure his child gets breakfast?

Original poster

UnderEstherMate · 30/04/2015 21:37

expat I'm not sure why people are seeing this as a one way street. I haven't mentioned DP as I'm the one who uses MN and its both of our concern. He has done all of the childcare since we had DD when we were 17 so that I could go to university and build a career. Now it's his turn and I'm trying to be as supportive of him as he was with me.

OP posts:

mommy2ash · 30/04/2015 21:45

im glad you found another arrangement op.

i would be happy to help anyone out but as a working mum myself i already have my own struggles in the morning making sure my dd gets to school and i get to work on time. i would feel very awkward if someone i hardly knew asked me to take over the school run for them, however my own flaw is i find it hard to say no so may go along with it until it all gets too much and then there is a fallout. its much easier to keep these things separate from other school mums.

im having my own difficulties at the moment as my shifts change all the time. one of my very good friends has a dd who is best friends with my dd and in the same class. she has told me to ring whenever i am stuck but i would only do that in an emergency. even though we are really close and she is going to the school anyway i wouldnt think it fair to ask her to do it permanently.

mathanxiety · 30/04/2015 22:39

People saw it as a one way street because none of us knew this about your DH.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/05/2015 07:58

Your DN sounds a good option. I hope it works out for you :)

Original poster

UnderEstherMate · 02/05/2015 13:58

Thank you Ghoul!

OP posts:

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