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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"You've lost weight"

218 replies

BigBirthdayGloom · 19/04/2015 22:20

I know that folks are giving what they believe to be a compliment, I know it's kindly meant. And, in my case, it's true. But I have never moaned about being a stone overweight, I'm not on a diet, and the message it conveys to me is "you looked overweight and not that great before and now you look a bit better". I am pleased to have lost weight, although its a side effect of medication, but it's really not something that I think about much. "You look great" or even no comment about my looks at all are much more straightforwardly positive. Or am I just a misery?

OP posts:
kewtogetin · 19/04/2015 22:24

The latter.....

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/04/2015 22:25

I think the latter

Mehitabel6 · 19/04/2015 22:25

The latter......

rookiemere · 19/04/2015 22:26

Stealth boaster

OwlinaTree · 19/04/2015 22:26

Well most people do have to try if they want to lose weight, so it's then nice for them if people notice. Your friends don't know you are not trying so they think it's recognising an effort you've made.

DianeLockhart · 19/04/2015 22:27

Yanbu

I think all weight related comments are very rude and I would not like it if someone commented to me "you've lost weight". It's not something for them to remark on.

ShatnersBassoon · 19/04/2015 22:27

Look at it as an observation. You've lost weight, they've noticed. People say what they see.

Ledkr · 19/04/2015 22:30

What medication is it? licks pencil

treaclesoda · 19/04/2015 22:30

I don't think you're a misery, I hate it too. You wouldn't greet someone with 'oh, you've put on weight! ' so why is it considered fine to tell someone they've lost weight? It's different if you know someone has actively been trying to lose weight and will be glad of the encouragement, but I think it is staggeringly rude to tell someone they've lost weight when it's not something they've ever spoken about. It's like there is an assumption within society that as a woman you must automatically always be trying to lose weight, and if you're not, then you don't know your place and you should be trying to lose weight.

And also, as a health anxiety sufferer, someone telling me that I have lost weight can tip me into a panic attack as my mind starts doing somersaults wondering why. So that's always a treat Hmm

Earlybird · 19/04/2015 22:32

I think most people think significant weight loss is intentional/a result of effort, and therefore think they are paying you a compliment. Just 'yes I have' and move the conversation on.

Quitelikely · 19/04/2015 22:32

Nobody is saying you look better though are they? They're just saying that you have lost weight.

Build a bridge is what I would advise.

Nopenope · 19/04/2015 22:33

I always think 'was I fat in your brain?'.

littlepeas · 19/04/2015 22:33

I lost almost a stone when I had pneumonia a couple of years ago and lots of people commented positively on my weight loss, despite it being the result of being very unwell. People think of the immediacy of the compliment, not the deeper implications - just smile and say thank you. I wish I could have kept it off tbh.

griselda101 · 19/04/2015 22:34

i think it's fair enough to feel a bit miffed. It just gets you thinking that you might have been seen as massive before or something! which is irritating. i also think it's a bit personal to bring it up - unless you volunteer that you have been on a health tip or trying to then it's none of their business raising it.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 19/04/2015 22:35

It's just a statement of fact Confused

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 19/04/2015 22:35

Thing is, I'm a bit unusual in that I don't say what I see. I might say you look great, but very non specifically. Sorry if it sounded like a boast-genuinely not and had to go through complicated diagnosis process and be on some fairly serious meds to get there! I guess in my day to day life I forget how I look to the point of not worrying until someone makes a comment that focuses my mind on it. I don't love being a bit overweight, but it certainly doesn't play much in my thoughts. And I try to avoid talking much about weight at home. I have two daughters and a son and we talk about being healthy rather than talking about weight. My dm is constantly talking about how she's going to lose weight and its really negative and unhealthy.

But in the end, it is some people's line. As long as it isn't followed by "not that you had any to lose, I mean I'm not saying..." Etc

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 19/04/2015 22:35

I would be very miffed if no one noticed and commented!

OftheTwilighttheDarkness · 19/04/2015 22:35

I have lost 2 stone ( on purpose). I am pissed that no one has mentioned it.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2015 22:36

I wouldn't comment on anyone's weight, purely because of some of the crazy posts I've seen about it on MN.

Apparently "You look well", often gets translated in some people's heads as "You look fat" ( nope, still can't get my head around that one ).

So if I'm going to compliment someone's appearance, I'll normally say 'You look great' ( no doubt someone will find offence in that one too ).

Mehitabel6 · 19/04/2015 22:38

I don't understand - are people not supposed to notice if people are overweight? Of course they notice.

Mehitabel6 · 19/04/2015 22:39

I think it very upsetting to make a superb effort and no one even acknowledges it!

Mandatorymongoose · 19/04/2015 22:40

I lost some weight and then had a load of visitors I hadn't seen for a while who all repeatedly commented on it and how much slimmer I looked and wasn't I doing well dieting.

Then after a bit my DSis said suddenly 'not that you were really fat before or anything!!' which I just thought was very funny. I do know where you're coming from OP but you should probably just lighten up a bit.

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 19/04/2015 22:40

Ha, Ledkr, it's a stimulant, that I take for recently diagnosed adhd. Class something or other and with an appetite suppressant side effect. Only any good if you have adhd though-if not you'd be totally unpleasantly wired all the time and the weight loss might pale into insignificance. If you've got adhd and it works it's a flipping wonder drug. Not many people know I'm on it and to be honest I'm so glad that I've got an answer to a lifelong problem that the weight loss really does seem insignificant.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/04/2015 22:41

I also think it's a bit strange that people get pissed off when no-one mentions their weight loss.

Weight loss/gain is a personal thing. It's really only important to the person who loses/gains it.

Jenda · 19/04/2015 22:41

Twilight, you look like you've lost weight Grin

OP I understand where you are coming from but people only mean it to be a compliment I'm sure. I am losing weight and it spurs me on when people notice. I don't worry that they think I am fat to begin with because in am!