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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to do this for DH

206 replies

Painintheface · 01/04/2015 07:51

dh has just started working further away, which means he has to leave earlier and cannot spend until 830am more like 930 faffing around, chilling out, ironing his shirt etc.

He used to come home for lunch everyday but now that won't be possible. Last night he stayed up very very very late BUT didn't manage to iron his shirt or make a lunch we can't afford for him to buy lunch out so this morning he has been running around, getting ready for work.

He has been hinting that maybe I should make his lunch and do his shirt for him since I'm a sahm Hmm yes I'm a sahm but I do most of the housework, do all the dinners, run my own little business as an artist, as well as all the finances and kids activities.

So AIBU thinking said husband can do his own shirt and his own lunch the night before? Surely it's not my responsibility? It wouldn't be a massive hardship but tbh I hate getting the iron out with my two toddlers as they jump all over me and he's notoroiusly picky with how his lunch is prepped, that it's a pain in the arse!

God I remeber having to iron 5 of my dads shirt on a Sunday as one of my chores and hating it, and that was in the 80s!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 01/04/2015 07:52

YANBU. He is mental.

LastNightADJSavedMyLife · 01/04/2015 07:52

No he can organize himself better.

Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 07:53

I don't think its your 'job'; I do think it would be nice to iron the shirt. If he's picky about his lunch though let him do his own by all means!

gamerchick · 01/04/2015 07:54

No he needs to organise himself better I agree.

Ilovenannyplum · 01/04/2015 07:56

YANBU
I have the same conversation argument with my DP all the bloody time.
I get this lookHmm when he has to go to work in a creased shirt but I am not doing the ironing on top of everything else!

Humansatnav · 01/04/2015 07:56

Hahahaha, tell him to piss off . A GROWN ADULT can get his own shirt and lunch sorted without your help.

Original poster
Painintheface · 01/04/2015 07:57

I have ironed his shirt on occasion but im not a big iron lover I usually get our clothes straight out the tumble dryer and hang them up

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/04/2015 07:57

Im off on Mat Leave at the moment and I dont do any of that prep for DH. If his clothes are in the laundry basket then they get washed, if not, tough, and if there are leftovers from dinner he is welcome to tub them up.in the morning.

YANBU.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/04/2015 08:00

He should organise himself the night before regarding his lunch if he's a fussy sort, he should do his shirt too but would it be too much bother for you to offer to help?

AlternativeTentacles · 01/04/2015 08:00

Mine leaves home at 6:10 and he does all his shirts at the weekend. Lunch today is soup that i whizzed down and put a serving in a container for him last night but he did his own bread to go with it. I only sorted the soup as i was whizzing it down anyway so seemed timesaving to ladle some out at the same time.

ampersandand · 01/04/2015 08:01

YANBU, he shouldn't expect that of you.
I make my dp a sandwich in the evening whilst he cooks tea, I don't find it a massive deal and I offered to do it.
Can he not iron a few at the same time on a day off?

OOAOML · 01/04/2015 08:03

You are a working mother who is SAHM to your two children - you're not his mum!

ihatethecold · 01/04/2015 08:04

Why wouldn't you help him out?
Surely that's what a partnership is about.
You do things for each other to make life easier.
If I'm working a long day my dh will make me some lunch if I haven't done it and vice versa.
Why would that even be debatable?

TheOldestCat · 01/04/2015 08:04

Agree - he needs to do his own stuff. DH grumbles that the magic laundry fairy is rubbish at keeping an endless supply of clean pants, shirts etc coming his way and that since I only work part-time it should all happen smoothly. I do most of the washing but it's up to him to put a wash on occasionally or at least ask me to do some of his on the days I am at home and put his stuff in the basket.

Stand your ground.

Summeblaze · 01/04/2015 08:07

I suppose it depends. I do DH's washing and ironing along with everyone else's. I would also make his lunch. However when he is home from work I do expect him to pitch in. I'm his wife not his slave. We tend to sit down on a night together after we have shared any left over jobs that haven't been done by me during the day. If he is bathing the kids, I'll make him lunch but if I'm doing the baths then he will do his own.

It's called a partnership.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 01/04/2015 08:07

No you don't have to.

If you feel like it/have time to, then it might be a nice thing to do but you aren't under any obligation to do his work prep.

Dh does all the ironing on a Sunday- including my work stuff.
I make us both lunch every night because if I am doing my own I might as well do his. But that's just how we work things out.
You shouldn't feel like you have to do it and he shouldn't expect you to do it.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 01/04/2015 08:07

I'd iron the shirts but he'd have to sort his lunch if he's fussy about it.

ouryve · 01/04/2015 08:07

YANBU. DH leaves the house just after 7am and manages to shift for himself regarding clothes and lunch.

You might be his wife, but you're not his mum.

ouryve · 01/04/2015 08:10

Why wouldn't you help him out?

Why should she be running around after him, while he sits on his arse? He's not a child.

Only1scoop · 01/04/2015 08:12

Yanbu

He is ....with all his 'faffing' it must be like having a 3rd child there.

WineCowboy · 01/04/2015 08:13

What does he do when he comes home? Does he contribute and take jobs off your hands or does he sit down and let you do it all?
How you answer that would tell me how to answer your question.

Personally, DH and I share stuff out, or he does more than me because I work long hours. If I was ironing I would iron his stuff, if I was making lunches I would make him one but he would do the same for me. We don't have set jobs, just both do what needs doing until it's done.

autumnboys · 01/04/2015 08:13

YANBU.

I make DH a lunch, but I make one for everyone. I often do a massive batch on a Sunday night and freeze them. He irons his shirts and all the kids shirts while I'm doing this.

I did take over the ironing when I first went on mat leave. I stopped when he woke me early one morning to show me a wrinkle and to pass on his best tip for ironing the collar. This is probably why he would never complain about his pack up.

BoyScout · 01/04/2015 08:17

YANBU. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you're his maid.

BoffinMum · 01/04/2015 08:18

If he doesn't like ironing then he can send his shirts out in a batch - dry cleaners usually wash and iron them and return them on hangers.

If he doesn't like making a packed lunch there are these wonderful places called S-A-N-D-W-I-C-H S-H-O-P-S where people can actually buy food when out of the home. They are a wonderful invention.

KittyandTeal · 01/04/2015 08:20

Good lord! I'm work part time and stay at home part time. It's nothing compared to dhs hours.

He has never even considered asking me to do his shirts. Occasionally I'll do his lunch but it's usually when he's off late and tight on time.

The only time I ironed his shirts was during the riots when he was pulling 14 hour days (he's a pc obviously) and his skipper had a word about them looking scruffy! They had a golly old laugh when he explained I'd tried to do him a favour.

Those stupid shirts are bloody hard to iron in my defence though.