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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to do this for DH

206 replies

Painintheface · 01/04/2015 07:51

dh has just started working further away, which means he has to leave earlier and cannot spend until 830am more like 930 faffing around, chilling out, ironing his shirt etc.

He used to come home for lunch everyday but now that won't be possible. Last night he stayed up very very very late BUT didn't manage to iron his shirt or make a lunch we can't afford for him to buy lunch out so this morning he has been running around, getting ready for work.

He has been hinting that maybe I should make his lunch and do his shirt for him since I'm a sahm Hmm yes I'm a sahm but I do most of the housework, do all the dinners, run my own little business as an artist, as well as all the finances and kids activities.

So AIBU thinking said husband can do his own shirt and his own lunch the night before? Surely it's not my responsibility? It wouldn't be a massive hardship but tbh I hate getting the iron out with my two toddlers as they jump all over me and he's notoroiusly picky with how his lunch is prepped, that it's a pain in the arse!

God I remeber having to iron 5 of my dads shirt on a Sunday as one of my chores and hating it, and that was in the 80s!

OP posts:
CarrotVan · 01/04/2015 09:15

Making work lunches and doing the ironing are household chores regardless of whose shirt it is or who needs the lunch.

For example, most of the ironing is MrVan's but either of us will do the whole lot when we get time. I normally make work lunches and morning tea whilst he gets the boy up and dressed. He makes dinner whilst I tidy up. It's a partnership and we share out what needs to be done and work flexibly. We don't have designated chores because we each do what needs doing when it needs doing. We are adults who communicate...

Your husband may well be a lazy sod but the problem is communication and expectation.

FlaviaAlbia · 01/04/2015 09:16

On what planet are you being unreasonable here? Confused

I find some of the previous replies baffling. YADNBU!

If he can stay up to 3am he can make lunch and iron a shirt. It sounds like you do more than your fair share.

scallopsrgreat · 01/04/2015 09:16

"You do things for each other to make life easier. " This is a good point, except I'm failing to see what Painintheface's husband is doing to make her life easier?

GerbilsAteMyCat · 01/04/2015 09:17

Next do excellent non iron shirts. Problem solved.

scallopsrgreat · 01/04/2015 09:17

YANBU, of course

SewingAndCakes · 01/04/2015 09:17

No no no YANBU. You're not his mum. It's up to him to sort himself out for work.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2015 09:18

That's fair enough MrsFlannel - horses for courses and all that. I don't mind the actual ironing once I get going. It's the getting going that I'm crap at - getting the board up, getting the iron out, filling it up, putting it away. That's the bit I hate so I do that as infrequently as possible.

I was trying to think of ways to het the OP's lazy arsed DH to get his shit together

BiddyPop · 01/04/2015 09:19

If he can't find time to iron shirts in the morning, he should iron them on the weekend in advance.

And if he wants you to take over these tasks for him, you need to find out what other tasks that you do he will take over at a more convenient time (i.e. weekend/evenings) instead.

When I went on mat leave, that was when DH took over all of the household ironing, not just his own shirts. Almost 10 years on, that has not changed (and he used to insist I left the ironing for him when he spent almost 4 years doing 2 weeks abroad followed by 2 weeks here, luckily I don't have a lot and it could build up while he was away).

Kaekae · 01/04/2015 09:19

I am a SAHM and I do not iron my DH shirts for work or any of his clothes for that matter! I'd be ok with doing a packed lunch if he had them because I do them each day for one of my children anyway.

expatinscotland · 01/04/2015 09:22

He stayed up till 3am? Is he 15?

YANBU.

Don't do either.

Just tell him: YOU need to go to bed earlier and iron your own shirt and make your own lunch.

RJnomore · 01/04/2015 09:23

Op, my 15 year old makes more of a contribution to the running of out household than your supposed adult supposed partner.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2015 09:24

RJnomore good point well made. So does mine! OP I hope you've found that sufficiently shocking

Madamecastafiore · 01/04/2015 09:29

Blimey, I do all the ironing and i pack DH's lunch the night before when I do the kids lunches.

I don't see it as much of a hardship. DH leaves house at 5am and is often not back till 6.30 and then he helps with bathing DD.

formerbabe · 01/04/2015 09:30

Op, my 15 year old makes more of a contribution to the running of out household than your supposed adult supposed partner

Seems a little unfair...I presume the ops husband is supporting the family financially...that is a contribution.

grumbleina · 01/04/2015 09:32

Nowt wrong with making a lunch and ironing shirts if you want to. Equally nowt wrong with not. Someone who couldn't manage to iron their own shirt and make their own lunch before an 8:30am leave time would get up my nose in a pretty big way, but then everyone's different, innit.

NancyRaygun · 01/04/2015 09:34

My DH does his own lunch and irons his own shirts unless I am doing a load of ironing (I am one of those what irons T shirts) when I'll do his stuff too.

He leaves the house at 6.45 and often isn't back til gone 8.

He can manage.

TheFairyCaravan · 01/04/2015 09:35

I do all the ironing usually. It wouldn't occur to me to take DH's shirts out of the pile so he could do them when he got in. He leaves the house just after 6am and gets home just after 6.30pm.

He does his lunch as a rule, but it's usually something left over from the night before.

In the week all he does is load the dishwasher after dinner and unload it in the morning. At the weekends he does a whole lot more.

FayKorgasm · 01/04/2015 09:35

Financial contribution does not excuse someone from taking care of their own stuff that needs doing.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2015 09:36

We just do whatever it takes to help get each other out of the door on time.

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2015 09:36

As i said and will say again just because somebody earns money ironing a shirt isn't beneath them and just because somebody earns a wage doesn't give them the right to dictate that a non earner irons a shirt because they can't be arsed he could have ironed his shirt while he was staying up till 3 am.

MyCatIsAGit · 01/04/2015 09:37

YANBU - he doesn't seem to do anything. I don't iron, my husband sorts his own ironing out and does his kids' on the rare occasions they need something.

If I've made something extra he can take in for lunch I'll point that out, or, shock horror, he'll look in the fridge himself and take something in for work.

We both work full time but I can't imagine it would change once I realise my dream of going part time and keeping goats.

formerbabe · 01/04/2015 09:40

As i said and will say again just because somebody earns money ironing a shirt isn't beneath them and just because somebody earns a wage doesn't give them the right to dictate that a non earner irons a shirt

Well obviously, but I was just making the point that the wohp still makes a contribution as the sahp does..,never did I think that ironing a shirt for your husband could be so controversial!

scallopsrgreat · 01/04/2015 09:44

"We just do whatever it takes to help get each other out of the door on time." Again, what is he doing to facilitate that? Or facilitate anything for the OP?

scallopsrgreat · 01/04/2015 09:45

He is the one making it controversial, formerbabe. They are his shirts. He chose not to iron them at the weekend or the night before. He chose to stay up to 3am. He doesn't then get the OP to iron his shirt because he couldn't organise himself to do it.

HolgerDanske · 01/04/2015 09:47

No you are absolutely not being unreasonable. He irons his own shirt and does his own lunch, seeing as he's a grown man and all. You're not his maid.