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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to do this for DH

206 replies

Painintheface · 01/04/2015 07:51

dh has just started working further away, which means he has to leave earlier and cannot spend until 830am more like 930 faffing around, chilling out, ironing his shirt etc.

He used to come home for lunch everyday but now that won't be possible. Last night he stayed up very very very late BUT didn't manage to iron his shirt or make a lunch we can't afford for him to buy lunch out so this morning he has been running around, getting ready for work.

He has been hinting that maybe I should make his lunch and do his shirt for him since I'm a sahm Hmm yes I'm a sahm but I do most of the housework, do all the dinners, run my own little business as an artist, as well as all the finances and kids activities.

So AIBU thinking said husband can do his own shirt and his own lunch the night before? Surely it's not my responsibility? It wouldn't be a massive hardship but tbh I hate getting the iron out with my two toddlers as they jump all over me and he's notoroiusly picky with how his lunch is prepped, that it's a pain in the arse!

God I remeber having to iron 5 of my dads shirt on a Sunday as one of my chores and hating it, and that was in the 80s!

OP posts:
LisaD1 · 01/04/2015 12:53

There are so many man child's around! My DH works a full day, as do I, he cooks 99% of the weekday meals as he is generally home before me, he also does the bulk of the school runs as the schools are on his route. Yes, I iron his shirts but because I WANT to, he does his fair share around the house and ironing him a shirt is how that partnership works. No way in the OP's circumstance would I be adding ironing to my workload.

WipsGlitter · 01/04/2015 13:04

I refuse to iron DPs shirts - he gets them ironed professionally £1 a shirt.

I make his packed lunch though!

I work myself but I don't mind doing it.

musicmaiden · 01/04/2015 13:41

YANBU. Tell him what you've told us - that he needs to iron his shirt(s) and do his packed lunch before any evening leisure time - just as you have to do your stuff before you get to sit down if you ever do with all your chores

And I agree with PP that it is not possible to be a 'good husband/father' and yet a lazy arse at home. Bringing home the bacon does not mean you shouldn't offer to cook it too.

Original poster
Painintheface · 01/04/2015 15:00

I do have time to sit down but I'm not alone drinking tea, it usually reading a book or trying to stop the dc knocking my drink out my hands Confused

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable a bitch by not doing these two things, If I'm doing ironing or lunch making I'll do it for him but otherwise I'll carry on as I am and he can do it himself.

This morning i was up with the kids, i got breakfast, im cooking dinner, ive been playing with kids and taking them out, plus i have a show on Saturday and therefore need to get ready but I can't because of all the stuff to do here.

I'll exhibit nothing I guess Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Painintheface · 01/04/2015 15:01

Edit: I'm reading to the kids, not myself lol

OP posts:
ChickenDipper22 · 01/04/2015 15:16

No It's not your job and you don't have to do it.
I'm a SAHM and I do it for my DP though, not because I have to but I because I like to, I like to look after him x

OnlyLovers · 01/04/2015 15:33

Tell him he can pull his weight or the stuff can go undone. You shouldn't miss your show. Apart from anything else, presumably it's work and is important for your business?

Original poster
Painintheface · 01/04/2015 15:38

It is for work, I've a show every month till July and I need to work, but it needs concentration! Trying to do creative work with dc hanging off me and arguing is hard so I do it mostly when they have gone to bed but then I'm shattered in bed by 8pm too :/

I do like to look after my dh but something's got to give sometimes, he was up until 3am last night playing his ps4! Kids were in bed at 7pm so that's 8 hours he had! The dishwasher had only just finished when I came downstairs, so he only did that just before he went to sleep.

It's crazy.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/04/2015 16:32

Just tell him, 'Stop dropping hints. You need to take time off the PS4 to iron your shirt and make your lunch. I will not do either.'

I'll bet his performance at work is shit because he doesn't get enough sleep.

Then he does FA at home.

You have two pre-school aged kids and all he does is load the dishwasher?

My DH was a SAHD for 4 years. It did not excuse me from pulling my weight in our household. We both decided to have children, after all.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/04/2015 16:36

The ps4 obsession is madness, I know they're addictive but how does he cope on so little sleep?, leaving you to pick up the slack that's how.

With what you've said, he needs to pull his finger out of his arse and do more caring of you ,the house and the dc's.

OnlyLovers · 01/04/2015 16:37

For the love of God tell him to do his bit, OP. Please.

Runningupthathill82 · 01/04/2015 16:55

I work long hours in two jobs, my DH is a SAHP.
It would never even occur to me to ask DH to iron my work stuff. Because his job is looking after DS, not being my skivvy.

I get ratty if he doesn't wash DS's stuff, or tidy up, as these are household things that affect us all - but my work gear is my problem.

If he wanted to do it, that w

Runningupthathill82 · 01/04/2015 16:55

...Would be different! But he doesn't, which is fair enough.

Mrsbird311 · 01/04/2015 16:58

Blimey I don't think he's being unreasonable , I iron all my families clothes not just mine and the kids and also make everyone's packed lunches not just the kids, is he generally a nice husband and do you like him? If so it won't kill you to do a couple of things to make his life easier, I'm sure you can trade it in return for him doing something for you, I've always thought that a family are meant to help each other out, I'd iron a shirt or make a sandwich for anyone!!

Littlemonstersrule · 01/04/2015 17:00

I don't see it as a big deal either, it doesn't take much to do during the day as you are home anyway. Only on MN do SAHPs do littl house duties and expect the working person to do their own food, washing and ironing. Surely it's compromise, if one works to allow the other not to a packed lunch isn't much to ask for in return.

OnlyLovers · 01/04/2015 17:05

Mrsbird and Little, have you read the thread properly? The OP says the only work round the house he does is to load the dishwasher in the evening. He used to put the bins out but couldn't/wouldn't do it properly, so she now has do it instead.

He's been hinting that the OP should do his shirts and his lunch for him, but he is fussy about his lunch.

Why on earth do you think he needs or deserves his life making any easier? What do you think he does for the OP?

Ledkr · 01/04/2015 17:06

I don't think this is a normal situation though.

You say you would or do iron or prepare packed lunches but the ops dh is sat on his arse after work and stays up until the small hours, the op is going to bed early knackered after doing most of the housework and dealing with the children.
Why should she then be responsible for a grown adults nutrition the following day or his personal presentation, particularly if he has the time to do it himself which he clearly has.

She does not work out of the home to look after the children not her adult partner.

Ledkr · 01/04/2015 17:08

Only on MN do SAHPs do littl house duties and expect the working person to do their own food, washing and ironing

No, this happens in the outside world too, particularly in the last few decades.
Grin

Ledkr · 01/04/2015 17:09

Afc he's not working to allow her not to, hes working whilst she provides childcare for their children.

RedSoloCup · 01/04/2015 17:10

YANBU, seriously, I'm coming back as a man!!

Somehow I ended up doing exP ironing, said never again and never have for DH. Do the odd dress of the kids that needs doing for special occasions and that is it!!

I do make lunch though but I do packed lunches for everyone and contents of his can be hit and miss (cocktail sausage sandwiches for eg), luckily he's not fussy and I often find it in the wheelie bin anyway.....

Mrsbird311 · 01/04/2015 17:23

My brother also brings his ironing around for me to do and I quite often cook an extra meal and get my husband to drop it over to him, I'm beginning to think I live in a parallel universe I really don't mind doing these things, never have!!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 01/04/2015 17:25

YANBU. He can't be bothered to make the time, which he clearly has, then tries to dump it on you. After all, it's women's work, isn't it? Hmm

I never see DH's work shirts. He takes them from the office to the cleaner's and back again. We are not wealthy by any means but DH cycles to work and showers and changes there, so this arrangement works well for us.

expatinscotland · 01/04/2015 17:27

'Blimey I don't think he's being unreasonable , I iron all my families clothes not just mine and the kids and also make everyone's packed lunches not just the kids, is he generally a nice husband and do you like him?'

RTFT. He does nothing at home besides load the dishwasher and stays up till 3am playing the fucking PS4.

AlternativeTentacles · 01/04/2015 17:28

I am shocked that he didn't do the bins and you have now picked that job up. We share the bins, it's not hard! But he seems to be slowly training you to be picking up all the jobs he used to do. Still, if that's what floats yer boat.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 01/04/2015 17:28

I have ironed DHs shirts for 30 years. That said, I have never painted a room, put a shelf up. DH does the cooking and loads the dishwasher. We have just sort of arrived at this arrangement and it does not particularly bother me, gives me a chance to catch up on the soaps etc!

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