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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to do this for DH

206 replies

Painintheface · 01/04/2015 07:51

dh has just started working further away, which means he has to leave earlier and cannot spend until 830am more like 930 faffing around, chilling out, ironing his shirt etc.

He used to come home for lunch everyday but now that won't be possible. Last night he stayed up very very very late BUT didn't manage to iron his shirt or make a lunch we can't afford for him to buy lunch out so this morning he has been running around, getting ready for work.

He has been hinting that maybe I should make his lunch and do his shirt for him since I'm a sahm yes I'm a sahm but I do most of the housework, do all the dinners, run my own little business as an artist, as well as all the finances and kids activities.

So AIBU thinking said husband can do his own shirt and his own lunch the night before? Surely it's not my responsibility? It wouldn't be a massive hardship but tbh I hate getting the iron out with my two toddlers as they jump all over me and he's notoroiusly picky with how his lunch is prepped, that it's a pain in the arse!

God I remeber having to iron 5 of my dads shirt on a Sunday as one of my chores and hating it, and that was in the 80s!

OP posts:

MarwoodsMate · 01/04/2015 08:42

Omg you can freeze sandwiches??? Why didn't I think of that? Domestic goddess I am not.

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2015 08:42

I'm assuming you are washing and drying said shirt it would take him 5 minutes to iron itbut he cant be arsed meh let him get on with it yanbu

PtolemysNeedle · 01/04/2015 08:43

Personally, I think ironing shirts for work is something that definitely falls to the sahp if a family is lucky enough to have one.

frankbough · 01/04/2015 08:44

Why would you not want to do something nice for your husband.. You sound like a PITA, in fact you sound like my sister in law, who thinks looking after 1 pre school child is akin to coal mining with a tooth pick..
I'd be advising your DH to LTB..

jaynebxl · 01/04/2015 08:44

I'd probably make his sandwich for him and let him do the rest which in our house would involve grabbing fruit and whatever else and sticking it in the box. As for ironing. .. the only thing that gets ironed in our house is hama beads so there's no way I'd be ironing shirts.

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2015 08:44

And i wouldn't be pandering to a picky lunch either dh likes his q certain way i don't do it right apparently he did try and train me Once I just laughed at him

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2015 08:48

Ironing is a sahp job bugger that just because somebody is earning a wage doesn't mean ironing a shirt is beneath them and what's this lucky enough rubbish as if sahp are languishing in luxury
p

NorksAreMessy · 01/04/2015 08:48

It would be a kind thing to do, wouldn't actually take you very long and would help him.
Why would you not want to do something kind for the man you love. It is not a gateway to being a doormat, it is just a kind thing.

Gottagetmoving · 01/04/2015 08:53

Your DH should not expect you to do his ironing or make his lunches but if you have time, it would be nice if you did.
There often seems to be a stand off between men & woman about these issues. It is best to work together, discuss and compromise - both ways.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 01/04/2015 08:53

OP's DH doesn't seem to want to do anything Kind, Norks. None of the small, annoying and necessary household tasks. Because he has a Big Important Man Job and they would get in the way of whatever he wants to do when he's not doing that job.

MrsEvadneCake · 01/04/2015 08:54

YANBU. If all he does in the partnership is the dishwasher (because he copped out of doing the bins by doing it badly) then he can organise himself. My DH works away all week. He comes in on a Friday and puts his washing on that he's brought back with him, puts our youngest DS to bed and then we clear up the kitchen together after tea. Over the weekend we split all meals and house stuff 50/50 and then he packs his food and clothes for the week and off he goes again.

He can do his own shirts and lunch or be hungry and wrinkled.

WineCowboy · 01/04/2015 08:56

Well in that case he can iron his own shirts and make his own lunch....

Loading the dishwasher is not terribly arduous really is it and as for leaving the bin bags lying around, what a lazy shyster!!

YANBU and you shouldn't do it! Cheek of him.

WineAndChocolateyummy · 01/04/2015 08:57

YANBU... What kind of things did you make when he came home for lunch, or did he make his lunch then as well? I do make DH a packed lunch everyday, though when I remember, I make an extra portion of dinner for him to take. You mention you are good at portion control - would it not be easier to just do an extra one for him to take? I don't iron DH shirts either. When I became a SAHM I had this rosy vision that I was going to be a domestic goddess and do all the ironing. I soon woke up

MrsFlannel · 01/04/2015 08:58

I make my DH lunch because I work part time from home so have more opportunity than him. When he gets in, it's 6.00pm....after a shower and dinner and spending some time with DC he's knackered! He goes to bed usually though now and then he stays up past 10...not often.

Why wouldnt I make his lunch!?

formerbabe · 01/04/2015 08:59

I don't see their issue with ironing your husband's shirts on here?! I'm a sahm, I do all the ironing...it would be more of a faff to separate his stuff from mine and the children's, so I just do the lot....its no big deal. Might show him this thread though to show him how good he's got it

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2015 08:59

The husband is picky about his lunch it isn't kind of he was sarky about it being wrong is it.

notinagreatplace · 01/04/2015 08:59

It kind of sounds like the OP is already a bit of a doormat if her DH has one 5 min job - dishwasher - that benefits the whole family and whinges about doing things that are only for him (lunch, shirt) which are, at most, 20 min jobs.

The 'oh, it's just so petty, why can't you be nicer?' shit only gets said to women and it does result in massive domestic inequality.

My DH and I have chores split 50:50 - if he looks tired and stressed one day, yeah, I'll do his job to be nice but, crucially, he does the same for me.

Letmejustsaythis · 01/04/2015 09:03

Yes if I was at home and my partner worked full time I would iron his shirts for work. But then I dont mind ironing. I would also put a few things out for his lunch. The stay at home person has more time at home!

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2015 09:04

We are an iron as we wear family so of course if i was ironing piles of clothes god the horror I'd iron Dh clothes as well but we all do our own now it is no big deal dd2 works has college and still manages to iron dh will ask if he is running late and I will do it but it's very occasionally the op dh just cba to do it it is 1 shirt

notinagreatplace · 01/04/2015 09:04

My DH and I actually - shock, horror! - do our own laundry. It's not terrifically complicated - we both have separate laundry baskets. When either of us has a full load, we do it. This seems to blow some people's minds!

formerbabe · 01/04/2015 09:06

Why though?! Say you have half a loads worth of whites and so does he, why not just stick the lot in together?

Parietal · 01/04/2015 09:06

opinions seem pretty mixed here. I reckon you & your DH need a calm discussion about ALL the household chores and who does what. That will show him all the work you do and what needs to be done. Then it might end up with you ironing and him doing the trash, or vice versa. but you both need to look at the bigger picture of how to make things work out fairly.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 01/04/2015 09:08

I'm out of the house for 12-13 hours each day and DH is a SAHD. I would be quite mystified if he did my ironing, he does the cooking plus the finances and looks after DD and we both sporadically clean and that works for us a split of responsibilities. I think it varies from couple to couple but I certainly don't think you should do it in the circumstances you describe - both of you should get roughly an equal amount of down time.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2015 09:09

The thought of ironing a single shirt each morning makes my teeth itch. Why doesn't he spend 10 minutes on a Sunday doing five for the week? Doing them one by one like that is so much extra work. Just getting the board and iron out makes me grumpy. Doing it every day would tip me over the edge.

In short, YANBU. He could easily do the lot in 10 minutes.

AS for lunch, I'd do it if I had to do it for the kids. Otherwise he can sort it himself

BTW OP you know that he needs to pull his weight more in general don't you?

MrsFlannel · 01/04/2015 09:13

bit I'm like OPs dh and only iron when an item is needed. Can't be bothered ironing more than two things tops. I hate it.

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