Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP's ex is bu?

222 replies

ApignamedJasper · 09/03/2015 10:34

DP's ex and her boyfriend have booked a v. expensive 2 week holiday around easter holidays.

She is expecting DP to take 2 weeks off work so he can look after their DS so she she can go on holiday.

DP is self employed so doesn't get any holiday pay etc and if he doesn't work for 2 weeks he won't get any money! Dp has said he will have ds as normal on the weekends but for the rest of the time she will have to make other arrangements.

She has also said doesn't want ds staying at our place overnight (we have just moved) but then wants him to stay with us for 2 weeks?

I thought I might be a bit close to the situation so I'm wondering if Aibu or if she is for expecting DP to lose 2 weeks of pay so she can go on holiday!

OP posts:
MythicalKings · 09/03/2015 10:38

She is BU. From "not allowed to stay overnight" to "staying for a fortnight".

DP is right to say no, maybe when DS is older and used to staying it would be reasonable to ask and your DP would have to find childcare, but not at the moment.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 09/03/2015 10:39

I think it's a bit short notice to expect someone to book off work for that time. Even if he wasn't self employed he wouldn't be guaranteed that time off in a standard work place as obviously half terms are booked off in advance. Unless she is going to match the money he will lose out on then yes she is bu

6LittleOnes · 09/03/2015 10:41

Does dp get to go on holiday without ds or does he always take ds with him?

SaucyJack · 09/03/2015 10:43

She's definitely being U on the second, but not necessarily on the first.

Do you and your DP ever go on holiday/away during his access time? Would he leave his son with his mum or make his own childcare arrangements if you did?

theendoftheendoftheend · 09/03/2015 10:45

6 just hit the nail on the head there....

Dr0pThePirate · 09/03/2015 10:45

How old is the DS? Old enough to know his mum is going on holiday without him and that his dad doesn't want to take him Sad

kinkyfuckery · 09/03/2015 10:45

Too short notice, and a bit of a quick turnaround from not staying at all.

But, it's not her, or DS' fault that your DP chooses to be self employed. It is not unreasonable at all that she expect him to take DS for extended periods at times.

SweetValentine · 09/03/2015 10:45

He's right to say not but ignore what the ex is doing. Your DP isn't able to spend much time with his DC - 2 weeks will be a lot of bonding and fun. Can you try and make it work?

CantBeBotheredThinking · 09/03/2015 10:49

How unreasonable of the ex to ask the dad to spend some time with his son and take care of him for a short period of time

steff13 · 09/03/2015 10:49

How old is he? What does his mom normally do with him when she's at work? Could your partner maintain those arrangements while he works and have his son in the evenings?

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 09/03/2015 10:50

DP and I have never been on holiday together so far so not sure what we would do!

Normally though he has ds one full weekend, then the next weekend only Sunday so if we were away or had something else planned for a day we were supposed to have him we would make it up to following week if you see what I mean :)

Mythical, dss is 6 so definately able to stay overnight she just doesn't want him to!

Glitz, no way would she match the money he would lose, she keeps moaning that she is skint all the time.

OP posts:
MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 09/03/2015 10:53

I don't think you're getting fair treatment here at all.

She wants him to take two weeks off work - it could result in a huge loss of money for OP's DP - so she can go on holiday. On what planet is this reasonable?

kim147 · 09/03/2015 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 09/03/2015 10:55

I don't think she is unreasonable in principle. The notice and no overnight stays so far are unreasonable though.

kim147 · 09/03/2015 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 09/03/2015 10:57

If they were still together, presumably he would have to take time off in the holidays to cover child care wouldn't he? The lack of notice is a pain, but I don't think it's unreasonable in principle to expect him to share the holiday care.

If he's self employed, he needs to be building holiday pay into the amount that he charges to cover some down time for himself as everyone needs a break sometime!

SoupDragon · 09/03/2015 10:57

On what planet is this reasonable?

On Planet Parent. And he is a parent.

Original poster
ApignamedJasper · 09/03/2015 10:58

Stuff, she doesn't work atm and her mother lives with them so it on hand all the time to look after Dss whenever she wants to go somewhere.

Kinky, DP doesnt choose to be self employed it's just that the job market around here isn't very good and it's the only way he can earn a living. I'm sure if he has the choice he would rather be employed!

Sweet, she is going away partly while Dss is still at school and she lives too far away for DP to make it to his school and back to work in time, and would cost him a lot of money in fuel too. If it was actually in the easter holidays it wouldn't be so bad but it isn't.

DrOp, it isn't that he doesn't want to, he has to work!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 09/03/2015 10:58

On the planet where caring for their child is just as much the father's responsibility as the mother's MoominKoala........

Dr0pThePirate · 09/03/2015 10:59

Well the holiday is booked, that was UR of her before arranging childcare.

But do this little boy a favour and don't let him know he's "inconveniencing" anyone and give him a really fun two week easter holiday.

EveBoswell · 09/03/2015 11:01

If the Ex is always moaning that she's 'skint', how can she afford a very expensive holiday without her child?

CantBeBotheredThinking · 09/03/2015 11:01

that was UR of her before arranging childcare

asking the other parent to take charge is not childcare it is parenting

Leeds2 · 09/03/2015 11:02

She really should've asked your DP if he could do this before booking her holiday.

kim147 · 09/03/2015 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 09/03/2015 11:05

Saucy

But if my DP suddenly came home today and said 'Right, you've got DD for two weeks, you can't go to work at all, I'm going on holiday', I'd be absolutely fuming at him - parenting is a partnership, surely it involves compromise, not 'Right I'm off you need to do this, this and this for me'?