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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old invited to party. wibu to take 7 year old.

159 replies

ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:27

my 4 year old has been invited to a party. its at a church hall. but there's not a contact number on the invite. i have no one to look after my 7 year old. wibu to take hime with me? i dont have anyone to look after him.

OP posts:
Nothavingfunrightnow · 27/02/2015 20:29

YABU. Your 7 yr old has unfortunately not been invited.

LindyHemming · 27/02/2015 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/02/2015 20:30

I assume this is through a schoolfriend? If so, ask the teachers to give your number to the mum/if you can have hers or ask DD to point the mum out to you.

You can only ask. But you must ask. She may suggest you "drop and run" or she may say no, or yes.

But dont just turn up.

MrsTawdry · 27/02/2015 20:30

Well....that's going to get a varied response on here. Some parents don't mind....others do....a little one of 7 will want to join in. Will there be other parents you know there? Some you could trust to watch DD? If so, do that...take her and leave with DS>

dustyovaries · 27/02/2015 20:30

How are you meant to RSVP? I would seek the parent out and check.

PrincessOfChina · 27/02/2015 20:31

I wouldn't mind, assuming you took something along for him to do. We had some siblings appear at DD's party a few weeks ago (and yes, I did include number and email for RSVP's). Most of them paid their way in and didn't eat the food. Two didnt. Hmm

Gwenci · 27/02/2015 20:32

There must be some way of contacting the person organising the party, even if just so invitees can RSVP so the inviter knows what kind of numbers to expect?

Is there any kind of contact/RSVP info on the invite at all? If so, definitely ask explain the situation and ask first, it's only polite. There are lots of threads on here from people (understandably) miffed that uninvited siblings just turn up to parties!

thatwhichwecallarose · 27/02/2015 20:33

I've often had elder siblings turn up to my dd party. IMO as long as you don't expect anything for him/her then it's fine. Make sure you take a packed lunch/snacks and skenthjnf to occupy them with.

Bowlersarm · 27/02/2015 20:34

YABU.

Drop your 4 year old at the party. Take your 7 year old out with you to the park/for an ice cream/for a coffee and a bun.

Do not take you 7 year old to the party.

joanne1947 · 27/02/2015 20:34

Whose party is it? It would be reasonable to ask but if essential go along with both children and then take your 7 year old out for some time with you, leaving the 4 year old to enjoy the party.

Pilgit · 27/02/2015 20:35

No. BUT take things with him to do, do not expect him to be fed or get a party bag AND do not let him join in games. Someone brought their 7 year old to my DDs 4th and did all of those things - almost spoiled it for the invited guests and DD (but that was because he was an ill mannered little sod like her mother - a well behaved nice 7 year old would have berm welcome). it was only not spoiled because we were vigilant about it.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:35

he wont want to join in he will just sit there. i done a party for him total waste of money would not even leave the seat. I'm hoping i can drop and run. but not sure daughter will let me she still screams at the school gate sometimes when i drop her of. so a place shes never been to might be worse :/

yes i thought that about the RSVP all thats on it is the church address and times. the party is tomorrow i had not realised how close it was. so i cant contact the mum. normally i would. and i have been at work so not seen the parent or child

OP posts:
GoogleyEyes · 27/02/2015 20:35

I wouldn't drop a four year old at a party, unless I knew there was an adult there who they knew very well. Best option is to contact the party parent (via nursery / school?).

If that impossible, then I would go pre-prepared with a book / iPad / packed tea for your 7yo and strict instructions to stay where you put them at the back of the hall. My 6yo would be ok with that, if primed in advance.

ADishBestEatenCold · 27/02/2015 20:36

I think you would BU. You can hardly expect your 7 year old to sit quietly on the side, without joining in with the fun, without sharing all the food and without having a party bag, if being given out.

Yet, it would be a huge assumption to expect the party hosts to provide double their estimated quantities of these things, for all the uninvited 7 year olds that parents might foist upon them, along with the 4 year old invited guests.

Is there no way you can get in touch with the hosts, ahead of the day? Do you know where they live?

KatieKaye · 27/02/2015 20:36

You can take the 7 year old with you. But unless you have asked beforehand if he is also invited then the two of you will have to leave.

A 7 year old probably isn't going to have much fun at a 4 year olds party anyway - just find a nearby café while the party is on.

YANBU to ask - but it would be very unreasonable just to turn up and hope it's okay.

Fairenuff · 27/02/2015 20:37

Don't ask the teacher for a number, data protection will prevent them being allowed to give it to you.

Can't you ask one of the other parents to watch your child if they are staying anyway and just drop him off?

Don't take the older child.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 27/02/2015 20:37

Take a book, DS or tablet and tell the 7yo she needs to sit quietly and not expect a partybag or food (take a snack if you think they will need it). Explain to the organiser that your eldest will be quiet and not disturb the party. If you are lucky the organiser will welcome her with open arms and a spare partybag, if not then at least you won't be blamed for being entitled.
I hope it works out OK.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/02/2015 20:38

Are you expected to stay at the party? If you are, take snacks, a drink and something to entertain your DS. And explain to him that any goody bags given out are just for the party guests.

MrsTawdry · 27/02/2015 20:38

Faire that poster was advising the OP to ask the teacher to pass on HER number to the party parent.

waithorse · 27/02/2015 20:38

You need to find some way of checking. You can't just turn up with the 7 year old. How are you ment to RSVP without a contact number ?

expatinscotland · 27/02/2015 20:38

I would ask.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:42

rose yes was the same with me when i done my sons birthday. i allowed for siblings as well though. but thats more because i knew of the parents and that they had siblings who were not old enough to stay home alone. but as i say that was only because i knew of peoples situation.

it seems odd not to have a phone number and its for 3.5 hours. seems very long

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:43

there is no way of checking :/

OP posts:
stoopstofolly · 27/02/2015 20:45

This happens to me a lot as my DH often works weekends. DS (4) goes to the party and DD (9) takes a book. I've always asked before hand though, although no one has ever said no. After a recent party when she was lovely with some smaller children and helped clear the party food away she got her own invite to the next nursery party! (Party boy was more keen on having DD than DS!)
I always make sure she remembers to stay in the background unless asked, and that she doesn't get party food or a party bag (make it up to her later on!)

PrettyFeet · 27/02/2015 20:46

Ooops, there should of course have been a RSVP number on the invite.

Do as others have suggested. Go with 7 year old and be prepared to do something else with him if you can drop off.