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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old invited to party. wibu to take 7 year old.

159 replies

ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:27

my 4 year old has been invited to a party. its at a church hall. but there's not a contact number on the invite. i have no one to look after my 7 year old. wibu to take hime with me? i dont have anyone to look after him.

OP posts:
MegBusset · 27/02/2015 20:48

I would take the 7yo along and park them at the side with something to do. I've had extra siblings turn up to parties and it hasn't bothered me, and at a church hall do they won't be paying per head.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:48

he defo would not join in. its just such a pain that there is no contact number.

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/02/2015 20:49

If there's no number and it's tomorrow, then I think you're fine to bring him to a church hall type party, however you must ensure he stays sat at the side (doesn't get involved with the games and doesn't eat the food). Bring food & drink supplies and an iPad/DS etc for him to play on. If he's likely to be happy with that, then great. If not, then you need to leave 4yo at the party and go somewhere with the 7yo (or not go to the party at all).

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:50

yeah of course if i can drop and go i will do. i dont want to be there for 3.5 hours. but also i dont know how dd will be she might start crying so if that happens i cant leave her. fingers crossed she dont.

OP posts:
PilchardPrincess · 27/02/2015 20:51

Well you options as I see them are:

Go along and locate host and explain that you are going to try to drop and run as you have no-one to look after other child and you hope DD will be OK with that (are you OK with that? It's a bit borderline for drop n run at that age depends on child. Will the host be OK with that? Given that they are still quite small) and just play it by ear

Or

Not go at all

PilchardPrincess · 27/02/2015 20:52

3.5 hours!!!!!!

Parties are 2 hours round here!

If I were host I would be understanding and say yes fine esp as you had no way of getting in touch

BikeRunSki · 27/02/2015 20:53

Don't do it! We had 3 uninvited 6 year olds, an uninvited 5 year old and an univited 8 year old at DD's 3rd birthday party. They totally dominated it. The 5 year old didn't understand why she wasn't included in the food and party bags, had massive tantrum.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:55

i was thinking of the not go at all but i would feel bad :/

OP posts:
PilchardPrincess · 27/02/2015 20:56

MN seems to be saying don't go.

I'm not sure what I would do. Does DD know / is she looking forward to it?

What I can tell you is that whenever i have followed MN advice on this type of stuff I have come a cropper!

PilchardPrincess · 27/02/2015 20:57

Is there anywhere nearby you can go and leave mob no with host so they can contact you if DD gets upset?

That doesn't solve the problem of what to do if she's upset when you try to leave though.

Hmmm.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 27/02/2015 20:58

I wouldn't go at all and take dcs somewhere nice instead.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 20:58

bike i had the same at my sons party. but then i allowed for it... so no point to me writing this ignore me haha.

and yeah i dont know why its so long.

OP posts:
Cherrychocolate · 27/02/2015 20:58

You could go along with both children and try to drop and run. Then if DD plays up, ask the parents then if it is ok to stay with your other child, but assure them he won't be joining in. If I were the host though, I would want any child there to join in! Bloody parties :(

MrsCakesPrecognition · 27/02/2015 20:59

Go for half the time, make your excuses and leave.
3.5 hours in a church for a 4yo party is bordering on madness.

justbatteringon · 27/02/2015 21:00

I honestly can't see a problem with taking the 7 year old especially to a church hall party where the food will most likely be a buffet and not paid per head.
I doubt your 7 year old will want to join in.
Perhaps it's my upbringing but in our community everyone was invited to parties and all the kids joined in regardless of age. I'm only 25 btw.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 21:02

princess i was thinking this. i had not realised they party was tomorrow. i had just left the invite in the kitchen. daughter gave it to me and said im going to my friends party. thats when i realised its tomorrow. so i thought dd had given it to me because she knows its the party. but i just asked her when is it your friends party and she said its in july. but then july might be tomorrow to her

OP posts:
Flomple · 27/02/2015 21:03

Another vote for taking him but sitting quietly at the side. Take snacks and stuff to do, don't expect him to join in the games, food or party bags.

Totally acceptable if handled this way round here.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 21:06

mrscakes i was thinking this. but then i was thinking im being rude taking ds. and then am i also being rude to leave early :/

justbatter your right there is no way he would want to join in. in anyway shape or form. and yes its the same church i used for my sons birthday they dont supply food or anything just the hall. so i should think some type of buffet

OP posts:
PilchardPrincess · 27/02/2015 21:10

Don't see the point in leaving early + meaner on 4yo to remove them halfway through a party than to not take them at all I reckon!

StandoutMop · 27/02/2015 21:12

If you can't RSVP then they can't be that bothered about numbers. So I would go but take snacks and entertainment for ds and let host know on arrival.

No one who needs to know numbers would do invite with no way to reply so should be fine. Just be polite and no one should take offence.

Hillfog · 27/02/2015 21:13

Depends on the child!
I took my 7yr old DS to 5yr old DD's friends party this week. He sat in a chair at the side playing Minecraft, ate the cake I took him and drank the drink I took. He didn't try to join in and didnt bother anyone or expect anything. This is fine I think. I didn't ask the host beforehand just when we got there and if she hadn't been happy we'd have gone off round town for an hour or 2.

Cantdecideondinner · 27/02/2015 21:16

I've had to do it in the past. Older child was given very clear instructions that he was to play on iPad/watch/read and wasn't to eat (I took food for him) and under no circumstances was he to ask for a party bag. He didn't want to join in with a bunch if 4 year olds anyway so it was fine.

DancingDinosaur · 27/02/2015 21:16

I would just take sandwich and ipad and set 7 yr old up quietly in the corner. And then explain to host that you had to bring het, but that she's got her ipad and sandwich so won't be any trouble. No reasonable person should have a problem with this.

littlejohnnydory · 27/02/2015 21:17

Take him but make it clear that he will just sit quietly with a book. The only problem is, we had a church hall party and so many siblings came that there was hardly any room in the hall! I've taken other dc to soft play when one is at a party, paid for them to get in and not let them in the party room. Church hall isn't paid per head but you can't just pay to go in asa member of the public, I think that makes it harder. I wouldn't mind someone bringing a sibling if they were really stuck but if everyone does then it doubles the numbers. I definitely wouldn't drop a four year old off.

Cantdecideondinner · 27/02/2015 21:17

3.5 hours, are they mad?

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