Page 3 | 4 year old invited to party. wibu to take 7 year old.

ghostspirit · 2015-02-27T20:27:28+00:00

my 4 year old has been invited to a party. its at a church hall. but there's not a contact number on the invite. i have no one to look after my 7 year old. wibu to take hime with me? i dont have anyone to look after him.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 27/02/2015 21:20

Take your 7yr old explain to host and make sure he stays with you ie on iPad or something. I'm more surprised that can leave 4yr olds as my DS got party soon and I dont expected to leave him, just goes to show it differs everywhere

derenstar · 27/02/2015 21:32

I've had to do this and my two are exactly the same age as DH often works weekends. I ALWAYS ask first and have never once got a funny response. Having said that, where we are this is standard practice and I've also had siblings at my DCs parties, sometimes the parent has asked and other times they have not. It has never, ever been a problem either way as normally they bring something to occupy the child. I fact, the last party we had for my 4 year old, it was at a gymnastic place where we paid per head. One of the mums could not have brought one daughter without bringing her twin siblings so she brought them which I was totally fine with. The venue didn't ask us for extra because we didn't ask them for an extra place sitting and the mum was there to supervise them. They all joined in and eventhough they didn't get a party bag, I made sure they got some birthday cake and there was more than enough sarnies and biccies left over for them to help themselves to.

Personally, I wouldn't leave my 4 year old at a party without knowing someone was going to watch her so in your situation, I would take your eldest with you and explain to the host at the party and just apologise for not doing it earlier. If you take a book or tablet with you to keep her occupied, I honestly don't say how it could be a problem.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2015 21:38

He's three years older than the other children and won't join in. with games or food.

Just explain when you get there and sit at the side with him.

I cannot see it's a problem.

(But how do you plan a party when there's no contact nos given to the guests?)

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 21:41

nannyogg could have just been 1 or 2 she forgot to put the phone number on. i will have to take a bit of food for him because its quite long

OP posts:

ADishBestEatenCold · 27/02/2015 21:50

Do you know any of the parents of other 4 year olds who may also be invited? If so, perhaps you could ask them if they know the host's contact number.

Fanjango · 27/02/2015 21:53

I have twins and another child 2 years younger. Inevitably there were parties that one or two were invited to when the other had not. We sat by the side and just watched if there really was no other option. As long as you're not expecting the extra child to take part or be fed there really shouldn't be a problem.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/02/2015 21:58

adish no i dont know any of them.

i think im going to take him. if party host says he cant stay then if dd is ok to be left thats fine. if she wont stay then we will just have to leave.

OP posts:

MirandaWest · 27/02/2015 22:12

For a church hall party I have taken whichever of DS and dd had not been invited. Never seemed to be an issue - neither of my children felt the urge to join in and didn't clamour for a party bag as they knew they weren't the one invited. I wouldn't have left either of mine at 4 and don't see any problem with you taking your older child.

attheendoftheday · 27/02/2015 22:32

If dd1 is invited to a party that dd2 isn't (hasn't happened the other way round yet) and dp is working I generally ask one of the parents of dd1's friends if they'd mind taking her in with them and I take dd2 somewhere else for the duration.

Passthecake30 · 27/02/2015 23:26

Around here it generally seems acceptable to take a younger sibling (under 4 maybe) but I've never seen elder ones. If your ds sat quietly in the corner I don't see a problem. I've not ever been able to take the uninvited child to a party without any kicking off or wanting to join in, but mine are 18mths apart and know each others friends. ..

SpringTimeIsComing · 27/02/2015 23:38

It's a party for a 4 year old and the 7 year old has not been invited. I think it's very cheeky to turn up with a sibling to a party when they're not invited and expect to stay. You may be putting the host in an awkward position asking on the day of the party and they may not feel they can't refuse. It's just rude in my opinion. Parties are for friends and not friends and their siblings.

wartsnall · 27/02/2015 23:45

In all honesty I have hated mothers turning up with siblings to my children's parties. For example, we have a large family therefore we may have had to miss out on inviting a few friends due to maximum numbers so why on earth should we miss out on kids we would have liked to be there yet have children there uninvited. Its awkward for the food, part bags etc.

Flomple · 27/02/2015 23:47

But Spring why would the host object to a child sitting on the side and taking no part in the party? They are only doing the same as the adults who stay - except they drink less tea. It's totally normal round here, as are couples both coming to accompany their child.

Children who join in uninvited, expect to share the party food and demand a party bag are a totally different thing.

3.5 hours though, my goodness!

wartsnall · 27/02/2015 23:51

Its awkward because if you,ve only done enough food for a set amount and other children turn up - no one wants to see a child sat watching others eat when they can't, any mother would feel obliged to feed them!

GertrudePerkins · 27/02/2015 23:54

i've had to take my 7yo to a party for the 4yo
i made sure that the birthday child's mum knew that the 7yo would sit with me and read her Beano, and that I'd buy her a snack from the venue, rather than expecting to join in with the food and activities. Not sure I'd have felt comfortable doing so if I hadn't okayed it with the mum first though.

DancingDinosaur · 28/02/2015 00:07

Plenty of siblings have turned up at my dc's parties, but generally the parents have sorted them out already for food etc. Ocasionaly an older sibling has turned up, sat at the table for food and expected a party bag. But if someone has turned up with their older child (and its a choice between that or younger one not coming) they've brought their own food etc then what does it matter. You might get mum and dad turning up to wait for child at party, or mum and older sibling. It makes no odds really does it. I have to take my older child with me to younger childs parties. Otherwise younger child can't go.

Flomple · 28/02/2015 00:10

With no RSVP number there is nothing OP can do to ask in advance. Not turning up seems like an overreaction to me. Norms do vary round the country though.

Wartsnall it's clear that OP would be turning up with plenty of food and drink for the sibling.

SpringTimeIsComing · 28/02/2015 00:17

flompie

Its awkward because if you,ve only done enough food for a set amount and other children turn up - no one wants to see a child sat watching others eat when they can't, any mother would feel obliged to feed them!

^this reason as well as ONE child has been invited not 2. If you invite ONE child to a party you do not expect their parents to rock up with a sibling. It's rude to simply take another child along. Perhaps this is why the parent never put an RSVP number on the invite?

wartsnall · 28/02/2015 00:18

Sorry didn't see the post about her taking food and drink.
ghost would it not be an option for another mother to take your child to party

however · 28/02/2015 00:19

How did you rsvp without contact details?

DancingDinosaur · 28/02/2015 00:39

Crikey. Ops not expecting the host to feed her older child, entertain them or have a party bag. Some people need to get over themselves. Jeez . Be interesting to know if some of the people with such a big problem have an older child themselves. Or whether its just the pfb brigade that have this attitude. The older child isn't expecting anything apart from a space to park their butt, so that their parent knows they are safe too

fluffymouse · 28/02/2015 00:40

No contact details on the invite is very strange! How are people meant to RSVP.

I have always been happy to have siblings at dd's parties, but I do think it is polite to ask as some parents may not be. I would also like to know so I can cater accordingly and make enough party bags!

wartsnall · 28/02/2015 00:41

need to get over themselves
Op asked for opinions therefore we shared.

toobreathless · 28/02/2015 00:49

I think I am going to find this difficult when DD starts school next year and I have DD2 (2 years) and a newborn too.

She is young for the year so will be just 4 for the start of year R. There is no way I would drop her unless I knew the other adults well. DH works 3 in 4 weekends.

And 2 year olds DO NOT sit nicely and watch (well mine doesn't!) especially tricky if I am feeding the baby etc.

My plan was to nicely ask if DD2 could attend too depending on the party and if no extra cost to host. Soft play etc I would just pay her in separately. I would bring food for her and she has no concept of party bags anyway.

I think if someone said NO we would politely decline the invite.

differentnameforthis · 28/02/2015 02:44

MN is weird sometimes. What kind of party host would expect a mother to have to worry about this?

You aren't taking him to the party, you are taking him to the hall. As long as he sits & watches/plays his DS/whatever...I really don't see the issue. He is old enough to know he isn't there to take part!

You won't have to leave at all..just explain to party mum 'I have no one to look after ds, so he is going to sit at the side & read/play DS/whatever" I am pretty sure no won will care. It isn't as if you are are going to be asking for him to join & win all the prizes!!