4 year old invited to party. wibu to take 7 year old.

[ghostspirit]

my 4 year old has been invited to a party. its at a church hall. but there's not a contact number on the invite. i have no one to look after my 7 year old. wibu to take hime with me? i dont have anyone to look after him.

Miscellaneous in the situation you describe I'd think the adult responsible for the left child was the guest who knew. No need for them to pass any message on, but to keep an eye themselves.

And actually if I was put on the spot by someone "asking" me to watch their child, either as guest or host, I don't think I could reasonably refuse.

Round here the changeover happened through YR. At he start nearly all would stay, but by the end it was just close friends of the host parents, unless it was soft play.

Siblings and extra welcome of course :) I say of course but realise for many it's not an of course... Party ettiquette is so variable isn't it?

I'm interested to see how local specific party cultures are? And wonder if they're geographical or school/ nursery led?

I'd love a more 'party tea at home' type of tradition, but at the moment it seems big whole class plus type of affairs.

As Ds has alot of other things to contend with I do make the effort to fit in with things like parties, and it will only be for a couple more years presumably (I hope?!?!)

I would never make any event harder for people re childcare on purpose. As a single mother myself with no extended family, I'm very well aware of how difficult life can be.

Oh I would say no party bags for extra children, and more unfortuneately no party tea if it was per head in advance, as I've been bitten by that before!

If it was just one extra who came of course I could just integrate them easily and no issues over bags and seats... It's just, if it's quite a few extras, then I'd have to tell the parents in advance that they are completely welcome but please Im not able to run to so many extra places, and can they keep them clear for the other guests if poss?

And I'd make sure there were drinks & crisps/ nibbles on the side / grown ups table that everyone can have, so the poor kids aren't starving whilst watching others feast!

Same party, a father swept across me to grab a fistful of party bags on his way out. He hadn't even realised I was the host and was rather shamefaced when I went after him to reclaim the three bags he'd taken! He muttered something about his twins being upset unless they got the same as their sister, but I smiled firnly and said 'well as they're only babies (about a year- 18mth ish), the party bag contents would be a choke hazard anyway, so I'll keep these for guests who are old enough' goodness knows what is have said if they were the same age though... People sometimes act like party bags are the equivalent of free samples in shops or little bottles of shampoo in hotels!!! This year I'll have someone handing them out at the end rather than left on a help yourself table :)

I have held parties for 4/5 year olds at large indoor soft play centres.

You absolutely can roll call and do headcounts. Why couldn't you? I had 25 children on average at parties, with five adults/teens plus one person occupying a table so children could come and take a rest and the table provided the gathering spot. Each helper would have five children to keep track of. We worked it the same way the school did on outings for the youngest classes -- everyone including the adults got a distinctively coloured tshirt to put on over their clothes when they arrived to help spot children climbing, in the ball pit, etc. All members of the party had a stamp on their hands. We all had phones.

Once everyone was gathered we explained the rules and got everyone familiar with their helper. Then we all went together to the loos, kids holding hands with partners, and we headcounted constantly. Then back together, again headcounting and having everyone hold hands. Then every hour on the hour we herded them all together again and back to the loo we all went -- three trips in total until the parents showed up for pick up.

If you hold a party then I think you should not expect other parents to help you supervise or be responsible for their children's safety. Just pick a venue where children will be safe and get enough helpers (your own relatives or teens you hire) and be prepared for a tiring afternoon of keeping your eyes well and truly peeled. If I am throwing the party then I think I really am the glorified babysitter. Otherwise I am saying to other people who might well have better things to do all Saturday afternoon that for the privilege of eating a few fairly crappy slices of pizza and cake they need to not only go out and buy a gift for my child but also sacrifice two or three hours of their precious weekend to make sure their child doesn't get killed or abducted or wet her pants, at a party nobody forced me to have, in a venue I chose. Why not just drop my child off at someone else's home with a cake and a few boxes of pizza and say 'thanks in advance for throwing my child a party'?

Ghost glad it worked out. Given there was no rsvp number there really wasn't anything else you really could do!

I'd never dump and run at 4. That wasn't ok here until at least 6 and I didn't until 7. Young dumpers beware! I knew someone who had a party and one parent dumped a 4 year old. When the parent failed to show up on time when the party ended the mom Left the dumped child at the venue! Alone!

I have no problem having sibs if I know about it before hand (which obviously op couldn't). I had ones that halfheartedly offered to pay for sibs that they just brought without even checking and then were shocked when I accepted the money for the sib .

I'm not saying you're wrong Maths, I'm saying there are very different 'party cultures' in different places/ peer groups/ schools etc. and I do think there are problems if you're not aware what kind of expectations to have about them.

I think we're at an age where a lot of parents like to come to parties still, to meet the children's friends families and see their children having fun etc. I'm sure that fades after a while

Thinking about the description of the way you do parties, I'd find that really hard. For instance, teenagers around here expect to be paid £10 per hour babysitting, so getting 'a few teenagers' is potentially a costly business! Say 4 teens for 3 hrs (that gives 20 kids plus another 5 for the host to wrangle on top of all the other party duties). That's £120 before you've even started on venue/ food/ decorations/ activities or entertainment!

But cost is what you factor in when you decide to have a party. If you are going to have a party where it is a given that you have parents and perhaps siblings then you are going to be providing a little wine or at least fizzy drinks and sandwiches or other snacks for all the hangers on (I would assume) -- so why not get a few teens for that money and make sure nobody's child gets injured. My observation of gatherings of toddlers showed me that there are parents who plant themselves down in little groups to gab and blithely let everyone else attend to their children when they are in a social situation.

You can't really expect to throw a party for free unless you have it in your own home. I have done that too and it worked out pretty well (the DCs made their own pizzas and added toppings, plus we organised some party games while we waited for dough to rise). The unexpected highlight was a solemn funeral for a dead baby bird the children found near the back door.. It was a spring party so for favours I gave little packets of seeds that were dead certs to sprout and a packet of skittles each. A neighbour had a friend of hers come around to sing songs from The Little Mermaid and borrowed a bubble machine for an Under The Sea/Princess/Pirate themed garden party in summer when weather was predictably warm. She did oven chips and her DH grilled burgers, plus they had a watermelon and cake and lemonade. Some of the guests spilled over into my garden to play on the swingset

Nobody ever had paid entertainers for parties around here. Apart from parties in homes where people had party games, the venues were indoor adventure playground/soft play, bowling alleys, a go-cart track, batting cages (baseball fun), swimming (older children), paint your own pottery places, make your own jewellery places, build-a-bear - and nobody ever bothered with decorations beyond balloons to mark the party house from the outside or to mark the party table at the soft play. You might have some sort of themed paper plates or napkins.

Food tended to be hot dogs or pizza plus cake and lemonade. Really cheap in other words.

I leave my daughter at parties and she's four. I don't expect anyone to "babysit" her though I do of course check it's OK to leave - she doesn't need babysitting, the most she would need is someone to show her where the loo is. If you arrange a party for your child then of course you are, by extension, offering to look after their friends that you invite - that is what I would expect to do as a party host!

I didn't leave Ds1 at a party by himself until he was 5; but until then I knew all the parents of the party-children as well through playgroup. Since then, I've checked with both him and the party hosts whether or not it's ok for me to stay - seems where I live in small town Australia it's quite normal for parents to stay, or not, as they choose, so no one frets. I've taken Ds2 with me when the birthday child has smaller siblings too; but have also checked with the hosts whenever possible that it's ok for me to do that.

I have had 2 parties for DS1 that have been pool-parties and on both invitations parents were asked/told that they really needed to stay as we could not take on the responsibility for their children in the pool (big parties, 20+ children in both cases). In both cases, each child had at least one parent, if not both, stay. We catered accordingly. I did, however, also say that I couldn't allow children over 7 to come because it would have changed the pool dynamic quite dramatically - in the end I did have 2 bigger girls there, but luckily they were fairly well behaved and they didn't get a party bag as they weren't meant to be there.

DS1's last party was number-restricted and not a pool party; and still about 1/3-1/2 of the parents stayed, and that was ok. A couple of junior siblings came too and that was also ok.

In your case, OP, I would have done what you did - and would have taken Ds outside if it was a problem, but not gone too far away in case DD got upset. Glad it all worked out for you in the end and I hope the party hostess remembers to put a contact number on next time!