ExH and GF "claiming" dc as theirs

[YouAreMyRain]

DD has come back from her dad's with a Valentine card from her dad and his GF. Inside they have written "to our wonderful daughter" and both signed it.

AIBU to think that this is a bit odd? (Not the sending Valentine cards to your kids bit, I don't like it but I accept that some people feel the need to do this) DD is not "theirs"!
They have been together 2.5yrs, been living together six months. GF has no kids of her own and can't have any (nor could I btw so I do sympathise with her- my DD is adopted)
I think that this is unreasonable and confusing for DD who has LD (8yo) and just a bit weird.

How did they sign the card? Love dad and (insert GF name) or love dad and mum/step mum?

projecting i clearly wasnt concentrating enough when i posted.

Rain, all sympathies to you.

Ikilledlucybeale - thanks for your great posts. I fear you went unheard among all the people focusing on step-parenting rather than adoption, but I completely agree with you.

I know it feels weird, but sometimes performing a continuous song and dance over the exact phrasing of these relationships is tiresome for everyone involved. Which actually doesnt include you. Somethings are between her and them, and you are an outside observer. Ditto if you ever have a partner, your daughter's relationship with him is none of her dad's business.

I think this is really wrong of your ex and his gf. For any child but particularly for an adopted child for exactly the reasons ikilledlucybeale has explained.

Your ex really should know better

Given the unanimous opinion of stepchildren is that they consider stepparents to be just as much parents, as hard as it is, you need to let it go

Huh?

I'm a stepchild (have been since i was very young) and either one of my step parents who presumed to describe themselves as my actual parent would have been corrected and asked never to do it again,I would have been incredibly upset about a card like that.

I like them as people and enjoy there company but just because they happen to be married to one of my actual parents does not mean they are anything to do with me.

Rain - given the extra information in your update, definitely YANBU. You know their intentions and this card clearly was intentional.

In that case, I think you should start keeping a diary of these events and consult a solicitor for advice on how to respond.

On the positive side, you have written evidence, proof, of what they are doing. That's a good thing because you can use that in a custody battle.

Keep the card - and - try to get a solicitor's letter sent to them raising concerns about them manipulating and confusing your daughter.

I've never heard such crap as the comment about the 'unanimous opinion of step children' being that they're the same as the real parents. There is no unanimity at all when it comes to these relationships, but experience of those close to me is that they love them similarly but differently, because they ARE different.

And, to post crap about 'letting go' when you've just heard from the OP about the custody application coming out the blue? Nice.

Trust me, I am delighted that DD has a SM who loves her and wants her. I am just very suspicious that's it's been a case of
Push
Push
Push
Push
Push
Push
And then suddenly PULL!!!

from them and I question their real motives.

So going on your logic I must either stop buying my step kids son/ daughter cards from us or stop signing my name in it??
Did the card say 'from mum & dad'?
I usually sign it from Dad & Mojave which I thought was the thing to do seeing as I'm not their mum. As far as I know it doesn't bother my step kids mum though as she knows she's their real mum whatever and that's how it should be.

I also have a stepmom and real mum. My real mum is 'mum' & my stepmom is 'mom' and my dad & mom always get me 'to our wonderful daughter' cards and my mom & dad have been married for about 5 years together for 8.