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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to please give it straight to me

206 replies

Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 14:22

I'm mind thirties.

In overweight. Really overweight. Disgustingly so. I even make myself sick (I don't mean I'm bulimic! I mean - I make myself feel sick as I'm so fat.)

I have few friends. No boyfriend, never had a boyfriend.

Barely a career.

Never done anything that can be a talking point. Never been on holiday since I was at school with my mum and dad. Never go out for drinks or meals out. Never do much of anything.

Now - I know I'm a state. My flat is a state and I'm a mess. My finances are a mess too.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 31/01/2015 14:25

What immediate change would make you feel better short term? Perhaps start by spending a few hours sorting your flat out? Invite one or two colleagues from work out for a drink?

Do you think you could be depressed? Maybe worth considering and visiting your GP?

Good luck!

lunar1 · 31/01/2015 14:26

Which of these things bothers you the most? You can't do everything at once.

adora1985 · 31/01/2015 14:27

Have you thought about talking to your gp or having some counselling? It sounds like life has got on top of you and you could do with someone to help you sort out the root of the problem.

Beadsbeadsbeads · 31/01/2015 14:27

I think you need to decide what is important to you, not what is important to society/other people.

You mention not going on foreign holidays, not having a career etc.

Are these things that you want? Or are they things that you think you should want or do?

SaucyJack · 31/01/2015 14:28

For today- tidy up your lounge so you'll have somewhere nice to relax later.

In the long term- maybe join a slimming club. It'll get you out of the house and meeting people, plus you will lose some weight and start to feel better about yourself. Applies to the gym as well.

And do write yourself a list of your good points as well even if you don't want to post them on here.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 14:28

I don't really have any colleagues. I work but only temp work: never get to really talk to anyone. I don't think they would come anyway.

I don't have a gp.

OP posts:
LIZS · 31/01/2015 14:28

One thing at a time . Clean in short bursts, max 30 mins at a time . Start budgeting ( there is a support thread in the finance topic) . Get a simple regime going making yourself presentable and look at the things in your wardrobe which make you feel positive.

LIZS · 31/01/2015 14:30

You should have a local gp. There may be a local support group or charity through whom you could access confidence and self esteem boosting courses.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 31/01/2015 14:31

make a list. Not a negative list of all the things that are wrong, but a positive list of all the things you would like
so, you'd like to travel? where? you'd like to go out?

make a list, break it all down and look at what you can achieve. pick something that you feel you can realistically do and go from there.

At the moment you are stuck in a negative spiral of oh I'm horrible and this is bad and that is bad and this is wrong and I don't do that and I don't have this... and it drags you right down, it makes you feel shit and hopeless.

By changing that, flipping it to a positive list of things you want to do, you feel better already.

Obviously, if what you have is depression that is a different thing altogether and yes, you'd benefit from chatting with your gp.

ImperialBlether · 31/01/2015 14:32

I would get yourself onto the weight loss section and start up a thread. There are some amazing posters there.

Once you've put a thread up, go and tidy up your living room while you're waiting for responses.

Everyone will be rooting for you. Have a read of some of the other threads to see how great everyone is when someone is on a mission to lose some weight.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/01/2015 14:34

You have to stop with the negative self talk.

It is not ok to slag yourself off and be disgusted with yourself.

Change comes from believing in yourself, believing you deserve good things, liking and loving self.

So you need to do that. Nurture your mind and body in every way Smile

how might you nurture yourself ?

nachohousekeeper · 31/01/2015 14:34

Loads of good advice already. Are you at all interested in writing? Keeping a journal is great therapy. Once you have written a few days worth of all the things that are getting you down, you might start to think about the things you enjoy.

As others have said, you can't tackle all of this at once, plus don;t forget this is a horrible time of year and it's easy to wallow when it's cold and dank. Can you find something you think you might be interested in and start reading about it/going to free galleries/museums. I recently discovered I love portrait art so have been reading up on artists.

Practically, re the flat, pick a room and start sorting it bit by bit. Lots of people on MN like doing 15 minutes at a time rather than tackling a whole room. Also money saving expert is great when you need financial help.

I have been where you are, it is a downward spiral and in the end, you have to find whatever it is that makes you start improving things for yourself. Baby steps and don't be too hard on yourself.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 14:34

Thing is, I'd start a thread and then say all the right things but ultimately I wouldn't do them. Plus I am sensitive to criticism and people do (I know it's meant kindly but ...)

OP posts:
Finola1step · 31/01/2015 14:36

Can I suggest 1 thing you can do today? Research your local GP surgery. Many have websites now. Have a good look. Work out how you would get there from your home address. Then on Monday, walk in and register as a patient.

That is in my opinion, the best thing you can do right now. You are entitled to GP services. Please register.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 14:38

I don't want a gp at the moment but thank you :)

OP posts:
glammanana · 31/01/2015 14:38

As already suggested have a chat with your GP asap,there is a programme available by refferral from your GP for a healthy eating & light excercise programme and it is very good,my friend went on it and it helped her change her life around.She enrolled and went for 12 weeks and met others in the same boat so they made friends as well,the food plan is not a stupid expensive plan just everyday available stuff and start off some chair excercises,so no pressure,once you have started this you could use the tiding of your flat as part of your excercise programme and go from there.Take things slowly and you will soon see the difference in your lifestyle.

Quiero · 31/01/2015 14:38

What one thing do you want to change the most?

nachohousekeeper · 31/01/2015 14:38

Is there one thing you can do right now, today?

Sort out all your laundry/clothes etc. Or clean the bathroom or hoover everywhere? Maybe go for a 10 minute walk?

Something that will make you feel like you have achieved something. What are you doing today? What have you got planned for the rest of the afternoon?

I would suggest you tell us one thing you like about yourself but i suspect you would tell us there is nothing! (Which won't be true)

SolomanDaisy · 31/01/2015 14:39

There are some weight loss forums that are pretty much just support and no criticism. Try minimins.

What's your job? Word you like to move into a permanent position or do you enjoy temp work?

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 14:39

To be honest I want to die. I don't want this life; I never asked for it.

Now - I am NOT saying I'm suicidal as I'm not, at all, i'd never have the courage, but I don't want to be alive either

OP posts:
Quiero · 31/01/2015 14:42

You don't have to have this life Smile. You can leave it behind and start a new life. It won't happen over night but it can happen...honest.

SolomanDaisy · 31/01/2015 14:43

Well, internet diagnosis isn't great, but it does sound like you are unhappy to the point of depression. Are you sure a GP wouldn't be a good first step? Are you scared they will comment on your weight?

nachohousekeeper · 31/01/2015 14:44

Sorry you feel that way Mints. I think others are right, you need to talk to someone. There is a way to feel better and you don't have to live like this.

You can register with a GP on Monday. Google NHS choices, type in your postcode and find a list of practices near by. Pick one and go in and fill in the forms. Then make the first appointment they can give you.

If it helps, take a copy of your OP to the appointment, that way you don't have to start the conversation by trying to explain how you feel.

Please get some help, you deserve better.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 14:46

I really don't want to register with a gp. Solomon they do and unfortunately I just don't want to be subjected to lectures and horrible tablets and threats of death and so on!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 31/01/2015 14:46

Ok so if you feel like this then something has to change. You know that saying about “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”? It's absolutely true.

So let us help you now. You've got the following problems:

Friendships
Weight
Money
Messy flat

It seems obvious to me that the messy flat is the most easily resolved. Do you have a wheelie bin with some space in it? Do you have a car so you could go to the tip or do you rely on the wheelie bin?

Have you ever gone to a slimming club?