To ask you to please give it straight to me

[Mintsandpinks]

I'm mind thirties.

In overweight. Really overweight. Disgustingly so. I even make myself sick (I don't mean I'm bulimic! I mean - I make myself feel sick as I'm so fat.)

I have few friends. No boyfriend, never had a boyfriend.

Barely a career.

Never done anything that can be a talking point. Never been on holiday since I was at school with my mum and dad. Never go out for drinks or meals out. Never do much of anything.

Now - I know I'm a state. My flat is a state and I'm a mess. My finances are a mess too.

I don't know what to do.

This is a horrid vicious cycle you're in. You are so depressed and defeated by life that you can't see the point in doing anything. You do need help but don't have faith that anything will work, so you don't try and therefore stay stuck.

I know what that's like and when you're depressed it's hard to see the wood for the tees. If you have an Iapt service in your area you can self refer for free CBT therapy. What have you got to lose?

Sadly if you don't find the energy or will to try then nothing will change.

Do you feel like you have no reason to live?

'lol' at my comment is quite rude to be honest. Of course there are decent GPs, there are thousands in the country, I expect you have met a small handful that weren't sympathetic to you in particular but this doesn't mean there isn't one.

Don't register with a doctor if you don't want to then, what about a counsellor? Somebody that doesn't know you, non judgemental to just talk and offload to and try and work through how you feel.

I don't think an IAPT service will see you without a GP.

Mints You say you aren't unhappy but also said you don't want to be alive. That doesn't make any sense at all.

You don't have to go to a gym or go out walking in order to exercise. Put on your favourite music and dance like no-ones watching (because they aren't!). Exercise just means moving more than you usually would, there's not strict rules in place about what you have to do.

Don't want to go to SW or WW? Fine, lots of people lose weight through healthy eating and portion control. There's plenty of meal plans online that you can pick and choose from.

Even if you don't feel tearful saying that you don't really want to be alive would indicate that you are depressed.
You seem to be inviting criticism ("give it to me straight") and then becoming upset when people make suggestions.
The cycle of change diagram is helpful. Do you want to change?
If so start with tiny little steps eg 15 mins tidying, a walk outside.
Try to do one enjoyable thing and one constructive 'job' every day.
Personally I think that it will be difficult for you to break out of this without someone in RL cheering you on.
I would re-think your reluctance to see a GP-but definitely research first to make sure you don't get anarseholesomeone with little understanding of mental health issues.
Life can change if you want it to-a long journey starts with a small step. All the best to you.
If you feel incapable of taking the advice you need medical help.

Op you sound so very unhappy. You seem to have givem up on yourself and that your life is thoroughly stuffed up. Statistically you have a good half of your life left to go and you can either spend it saying poor me and "yes but" to every suggestion or you can decide that actually you'd quite like a different life and work towards building it. But I agree you need to look at how ready you are to make changes as everything is "yes but" and I don't think you've got the drive to change anything right now. Which jus why I agree with others that I think you are depressed. In your shoes I would register with a GP, go see them, tell them how unhappy you are and get counselling and/or anti depressants. You can also tell them you want help with healthy eating nd exercise and they may have various schemes such as free gym or dietician referrals that would help. But dieting in its own won't help when your head in in such a poor state at sounds like your parents did a real number on you

I can't help but feel that you've managed to apply some incorrect lenses. For example you can it would be useless to look for permanent work whilst overweight. Why or earth is this the case? Unless you're on the verge of the fire brigade needing to cut you out your house, this cannot be the case. Gettding a permanent job is likely to bring you some financial stabilit, a community and a sense of belonging. If you're going to wait to look at that until you are skinny (which will be hard with the unhappiness that a lck of job contributes to") then you're going to get stuck in this loop.

You can change your life, you really can, I promise you. But you need to want to and we can't help you with that.

I think you will probably think this is irrelevant, but I am going to tell you anyway in case it gives you any ideas.

So I was stuck in a call centre for 3 years which can really really zap your confidence, being spoken to like crap everyday. Some of my colleagues are still there now and I think their confidence has been knocked so much that they don't see that they can make changes and use their own strengths to escape the call centre!
We had half hour lunch breaks so I would eat at my desk (stealthily, that was against the rules) before or after my break, and then during lunch I would take a half hour walk - and a fast one because I wanted it to be as effective as possible.
I also did the 30 Day Shred and 8 Minute Abs/Arms at home in the evenings - the shred is cheap from Amazon or free on Youtube probably, the others are on YouTube.
Lunch was grilled chicken and veg and I limited my chocolate intake.
That is literally all I did and I lost 2 dress sizes.
I was able to cut down to working 3 days, and on the other 2 days I did work experience at a bakery (unpaid), after deciding I wanted to be a baker. I emailed every single bakery in my area (London) and luckily these guys were just down the road from me and ended up taking me on as their first staff member after a few months of work experience.
That was 2013 and now I have my own baking business from home.

i am sorry if my posts hurt your feelings-that wasn't my intention.

i won't post again but i genuinely think you need some medical help . I know you don't think you are depressed but you sound very depressed.

what I and everyone else has said is true- small changes are the way to go.

good luck.

As a counsellor if I saw someone who said they didn't want to be alive I'd be concerned about working safely with them if they didn't have a GP.

It's certainly something I'd refer to supervision.

Really? Because I am having counselling and he has never once shown an interest in the fact I don't have a GP; I don't think he's ever even asked.

I'm not suicidal - there is honestly a big difference in not wanting to be alive and wanting to kill yourself.

I don't want to keep posting and wasting everyone's time but certainly I have not been asked about my medical history once at counselling.

People here generally do want to help, so they make suggestions. Of course it's your prerogative to shoot down all those suggestions, but I have to agree with those people who have suggested that perhaps it is your depression talking rather than the real "you". Mentally well people do not want to end their lives, they do not wish to be dead, they do not regard themselves as useless lumps.

I think you're being rather short-sighted and petulant about the GP thing, some GPs are great, some are not, but in the end it's your decision. Presumably you don't have regular smear tests or anything like that. What would you do if you found a lump in your breast one day?

I'm at a bit of a loss as to how being fat stops you applying for permanent jobs, but perhaps I am missing something. Ditto going on holiday or joining a club of some kind.

If you won't do anything else to help yourself, why not walk to Holland & Barrett, and buy some St Johns Wort. It is a natural anti-depressant and might help to lift your mood enough for you to start making the changes you need to make.

You want to lose weight but won't see a GP or join a slimming club. Could you do it yourself, following an online plan or using My Fitness Pal? There's lots of good advice over in the 'weight loss' boards.

Are there any barriers to organising your finances? Is that something you could do?

Hi MintsandPinks,
I have read the full thread and am not going to make any suggestions as I know that can feel overwhelming. I just wondered who the three people were who came to your birthday? Do you consider them friends? And if so, how far away are they?
Sending you which I hope can virtually add a bit of colour to your day. Please imagine them on your table or windowsill!

Barefoot - it's very difficult to be confident and give it your best in interviews when you feel as I do. Plus, temping suits me just at the moment. That was never part of my complaint - I was explaining why I didn't have colleagues I could invite over.

I'm not being petulant: even if I signed up with a gp I am not ill: it's only helpful if at some point in the future I needed it. At present I don't.

I didn't say my weight stopped me going on holiday :) I said my finances did - and the fact I've no one to go with (I don't want to go alone.)

You're seeing a counsellor?

Whoa! Drip feed

Well, what are they saying?

Mints

You asked for straight talking so on some level you want to be 'jolted' into thinking differently I think.

I work in mental health ( have done for 20 years) and if I was caring for someone who expressed many of the feelings you have on here I would feel justified in believing they are clinically depressed, and worthy of appropriate and effective treatment, be that pharmaceutical or talking/ other therapies. There are many ways depression can assert itself not just the 'obvious', and it's very important to say that just becUse you may not have 'gotten anywhere' with treatment previously does not mean there is not an effective treatment out ther.

The other thing that strikes me from your posts is that you are really really angry. Mainly with yourself, the wanting to be literally born again as if you life currently had no worth. Also, many people have given excellent advice but you have literally knocked it all back.

Believeme we all make shifty choices, or are dealt shitty hands in life but we all possess ( until our dying breath) huge potential to make changes. Some of the 'shit' is obvious like being overweight, or having no close family but much of it is unseen, I have r

Rarely met a person alive who was not struggling on some level. I say this as I get the feeling you feel unique but I assure you you are not.

So use some of that anger to bloody well take control!!!!! If you done they on with Ww SW then how about surgery/ gastric banding/ hypnotherapy anything, just be willing to try something else!!!!!

Register with a Go because you fucking pay your taxes and deserve good medical care, if you don't get on with the first second or third GP then just keep trying til you find a sympathetic one!!!

You say you can't find permanent work, this may be true but if so it's not your weight. Wher I work several of our most valued colleagues are well into morbidly obese category.

Keep posting.

They are friends yes and they're lovely but are married and have small toddlers so obviously are very busy

Well they obviously like you & wanted to spend time with you. So not quite totally useless lump.

It is not a drip feed. I was only pointing out to somebody that my being registered with a gp made absolutely no difference to counselling.

Mrs, thanks. I'll get there. I'm honestly not depressed. Just cross - with myself I suppose, you're right there :) x

Also having a GP is not about 'being ill', that's an excuse and I think you know that. It's about having someone on board who can offer health screening, monitoring, preemptive health care, and get to know you as a person for the future when you WILL be ill ( we all get ill sometime believe me). Avoidance is holding you back here!

Oh come on! When I was registered I saw them about once in a seven year period!

That's great! When I am feeling down, I try to focus on the positives I do have. It sounds like you have some good friends around you.

I can believe that you aren't depressed and don't need to see a doctor. Certainly, as that's how you see it, I think it's more useful to work from there.

Your posts say clever to me. You write short, yet well put and to the point sentences. You're lucid, able. I like your name too.

If you don't think you are depressed, I think you sound smart enough to be quite probably right.

Chronic procrastination? Boredom writ large, because the way things have panned out has seen you fall into a life with no major interests, good stuff happening, so you've lost interest in your own world?

It's easy to gain weight and go on gaining: hard to lose.
It's hard to make good friends when there's nothing for the friendships to 'hang' on. If you don't have interests, a pizazz about you, because you really aren't feeling it, people can tell, and they back off. Not because you're 'crap' so much as - it's more of a risk trying to friend up with someone who seems lukewarm. Most people are less confident inside than they might seem. And then you get the snowball effect - your birthday - 'ooof, well, will she really want to see me anyway? It's not as if we're super close or do much - oh I won't go'.

Solutions: I too would tackle weight first. Because it's not just 'weight' - losing weight, better nutrition and exercise, is all a massive mental boost and will improve your health and have a huge positive effect on your mood. But it's HARD. You have to see it as a long journey, not feel daunted by the whole job at once. I would focus on weight and health, and really use that clever brain of yours to tell yourself this has to get sorted, and work out the best way towards better health which WILL work for you. Classes? Swimming? Healthier eating that isn't a diet? Tiny changes will be easier and WILL work - over time. How about, say:

Until March, do the following:

• eat less wheat
• take carbs down a bit
• increase veg
• try your best to get to grips with the sugar addiction. Eat good fats instead of processed crap when you feel the binge urge. Have things like cheese and oatcakes to hand instead of choc and crisps.
• start some sort of exercise - a walk in the evening. Make it longer and faster.

You will see a difference.

It is avoidance I think, quite honestly. And I think you're getting cross now because deep down you know that.

So you do have someone. Well, at least 3 people.

Give them a call later, bet they would love to have a chat with you after a long day with their kids.