To ask you to please give it straight to me

[Mintsandpinks]

I'm mind thirties.

In overweight. Really overweight. Disgustingly so. I even make myself sick (I don't mean I'm bulimic! I mean - I make myself feel sick as I'm so fat.)

I have few friends. No boyfriend, never had a boyfriend.

Barely a career.

Never done anything that can be a talking point. Never been on holiday since I was at school with my mum and dad. Never go out for drinks or meals out. Never do much of anything.

Now - I know I'm a state. My flat is a state and I'm a mess. My finances are a mess too.

I don't know what to do.

Of course you can go to a & em without a gp!

So if weight is in the top three problems in your life, what would you be willing to try, that you have not yet tried? If you say nothing then either you are, indeed, clinically depressed, or are making a conscious choice to remain in the current situation, being fat and extremely fed up.

It's up to you.

Is it not possible there is something like an underactive thyroid or iron deficiency that is zapping your get up and go? Just to see a gp and say you want a blood test for those things alone and not even bring up any other topic then hightail out of there asap and get them to phone your results .....dont even bring weight into the equation

be a do-er not a whinger... I used to be a whinger, brings you right down into the dumps....

change tack -say at the end of this week, this room will be tidy - and make it so...

next week - say I'm going to join a slimming club (I personally go to weight watchers now, you can get a "prescription" for slimming world if you do go to a doc..) - and make it so...

teeny tiny baby steps

What is your counsellor doing.
Are you working together on targets or going round in circles talking?
A good counsellor could be a good source of support to you.

Mints do you have a pen and paper to hand?

When I'm feeling overwhelmed i find writing a note to myself about what I'd like to change and why getse thinking and helps get me motivated.

Doesn't need to be anything big just tiny steps towards a happier you.

I am someone who has found a lot of good friends through work. But it needs to be the kind of workplace where people are open to being social, and a place you feel like you fit in.

I've always felt like the advantage of temping must be that you get to try out a lotof different workplaces on for size, in that respect. Is there anywhere you'd temped where you'd like to work permanently? Would looking outout for/speculatively applying for permanent jobs in those places be an option to you?

I don't know much about losing a lot of weight, but what about just getting out and walking for 30m per day as a start? Ooh, could you get a dog? Do you have a suitable lifestyle for that?

Also if you don't fancy weight watchers or anything, and you like cooking, the Hairy Dieters books are great for diet recipe ideas. The 'My fitness pal' ap is good for keeping track of your exercise and eating.

I hope you find a way yo start making positive changes.

I'm really sorry you are feeling bad about everything in your life at the moment. When you want or need to change everything it must be so overwhelming and impossible to know where to begin.

When I went through a difficult part of my life I bought Louise L Hay's book 'You Can Heal Your Life' here's a link to it on Amazon:

www.amazon.co.uk/You-Can-Heal-Your-Life/dp/B0087X1LEQ/ref=sr_1_13?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422725169&sr=1-13&keywords=you+can+heal+your+life

I found it really useful and you may too.

I know you said no to a GP but if you change your mind, they may be able to help.

Whatever you do, take tiny steps and you'll get to where you want to be. If you start with your flat - how about going into one room, count slowly to 50 while you tidy, put things away or clean. Then stop and have a rest. Do that a few times a day and eventually you'll have one room done which will make you feel good and then move on to the next.

I wish you the very best

from your tone and attitude here do you think that perhaps the GPs have tried to help but you have not taken it on board?

I've never been to a gp about my mental health so no. Wouldn't think so.

OP somebody in good mental health does not describe themselves the way you do.

Well my recommendation which I'm certain will be met with a "but I can't/won't" is to read the road less travelled by m Scott peck.

And then take responsibility for your life and do something about it.

But I don't think you will because I don't think you do want to change things.
But one day maybe you really will be ready to make a change, maybe come back to some of the advice on this thread at that point.

Sorry if that's harsh but you did say to give it to you straight. I do wish you all the best with it, but you could have a hundred people throwing amazing advice your way and it won't make a blind bit of difference until you decide that you're ready to change.

But, whatthefuck, the OP has already explained that despite her title, all she wanted from the thread was to talk.

I assume any counsellor not arranged through a GP will be charging by the hour. (Unless they're through a church or charitable organization?) Surely that would put a strain on most people's finances?

And with no reference to medical history? At all?

OP, I get the difference between feeling actively suicidal, and simply not wanting to wake up in the morning. I felt like that for years, because each day felt like it had more grind than enjoyment in it, and I felt like I was just marking time, and if push came to shove it'd be easier not to wake up in the morning.

The way to a more positive mindset for me, and it chimes with a lot of what's been said on this thread, was gradually to work in things I would enjoy and find satisfying/fun. I started small, just as people have said - going for a walk after work, and occasionally plucking up the courage to phone someone. A big step for me was going on holiday - like you, I never took holidays all through my 20s and early 30s because of lack of someone to go with, and not much money. But there are things you can do that don't cost much. For instance, you could try airbnb which lists lots of very cheap places to stay (in the UK and further afield) and you might even make new friends doing it. If you don't like the idea of going alone, you could try the Thelma and Louise website, and I'm sure there are many others like it. I realise going on holiday is a big thing and you might not be ready for it just yet - or it's possible (especially as you specifically mention holidays) that it's the thing that might give you a sense that you deserve to get some enjoyment out of life, not just go through the motions until it ends.

The OP certainly needs empathy and understanding-but talking on its own isn't going to change anything and help her feel happier about her life.
Going round in circles talking may actually bring short term relief OP but could ultimately make you feel worse.
Please do reconsider finding a good GP and talking to him/her openly.

I think you need to give yourself some targets and then break the targets down into smaller targets over a time period.

For instance if your weight was 18 stone and your ideal weight is 12 stone, then you set yourself a target of losing 6 stone over, say, 3 years ie 2 stone per year which is 1 stone in 6 months which is 2 1/3 lbs per month which is roughly 1/2 lb per week.

If you break it down like that, it is more achievable. if youre any good with spreadsheets, put your targets on a spreadsheet, or write it on paper if not.

get yourself a set of scales and follow a targeted diet and exercise programme which you are comfortable with and aim to lose the amount of targeted weight ie 1/2 lb per week.

you could use tidying and decluttering your house as a form of exercise as well as going for walks and anything else you can think of. I recently decluttered my house from top to bottom after a life time of hoarding and feel so much better and happier for doing so

If there is a local church nearby, try going along to sunday services as you will find you will soon make friends there. You dont have to be into religion etc to go along. its a nice friendly community though and youll find it provides lots of fun social events

I hope you find the strength to take control of your circumstances

Vivacia, I understand that but we're bound to talk about what's in her op. It would be a bit weird if I just came on and started chatting about eastenders!

Thanks. I think the problem is - and I don't mean it unkindly - is when people are saying orders to you it's easy to get overwhelmed.

Counselling - £30 p/w. I don't have a social life. It's fine

Whatthefuck - id have preferred it if you had tbh.

Better weird than unkind.

Mintsandpinks I could have written your post!

I am severely over weight. I want to do something but can't be bothered.
I don't want to be here anymore, I'm not suicidal but I am gutted when I wake up every morning.

I finally registered with a doctor in November because I had the worst chest and ear infection, I was in so much pain and over the counter pain killers did not touch it. I haven't been registered with a doctor since 2004.

I have no friends, I have people I talk to and see but they aren't friends, I think of myself as a thoroughly unlikeable person so why would people want to be friends with me.

I am so messy, I love my place when it is clean and tidy, with bunches of daffodils brightening it up, as it is today but I know by Wednesday it'll be messy again and it'll just get messier for the next month or so. Not dirty, just messy.

I do have a permanent job which I love but I don't feel that I am putting my best into it.

I don't have any advice that I know you will take. Where are you? We could hate ourselves and lives together if your close?!

This is very apt!

Do you know - it's nice I'm not alone. Not nice for you of course.

Nw x

A recommendation is not the same as an order.

Where was I unkind? Because I said I don't think you really want to make any changes right now?

Mints I don't think anyone is giving you orders, just suggestions that might help you. Please don't feel that people are trying to force you to do anything.

Random (sort of related) question, if you could fast forward a year and see yourself is there any one thing in particular that you'd really like to see change?

Also ahem, do you like EastEnders?