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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to please give it straight to me

206 replies

Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 14:22

I'm mind thirties.

In overweight. Really overweight. Disgustingly so. I even make myself sick (I don't mean I'm bulimic! I mean - I make myself feel sick as I'm so fat.)

I have few friends. No boyfriend, never had a boyfriend.

Barely a career.

Never done anything that can be a talking point. Never been on holiday since I was at school with my mum and dad. Never go out for drinks or meals out. Never do much of anything.

Now - I know I'm a state. My flat is a state and I'm a mess. My finances are a mess too.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 16:46

Gym I'm not unhappy. That may sound strange given the above but really I am not at all unhappy just now.

I don't know what I wanted people to say but it gave me an opportunity to talk which helped but now I really do not want to as I will just end up getting more posts like yours above. Please leave it.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 31/01/2015 16:48

I think you're right that you have become quite detached from societal norms. You're so matter of fact about the fact that you don't want to be alive, it is very sad. That is a very, very serious way to be feeling. You don't deserve to be feeling that way, you really don't. And it's so very far away from normal functioning that I don't think you will get out of it without medical help. What you need to do is go to a doctor and tell them how you're feeling. Do you think there's anyway we can help you feel able to do that?

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 16:48

Ilovesooty I'm sorry - I really am - but I am not depressed.

I have watched more videos and read more articles than I care to remember on depression and can't relate at all. Whatever's wrong with me isn't depression.

And we keep coming back to the gp thing. I don't want to register because I can't be bothered, don't want to be called fat, and there's nothing wrong with me. Three good reasons IMO!

OP posts:
arlagirl · 31/01/2015 16:49

Why don't you have a doctor?

ilovesooty · 31/01/2015 16:49

You don't have to be feeling actively unhappy to be depressed.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 16:49

Solomon I'm so sorry as part of me would like to give people what they want so to speak but hell and high water would not get me into a doctors surgery.

Thank you for replies. Sorry to have wasted people's time.

OP posts:
LIZS · 31/01/2015 16:49

You do need to admit your weight issue to someone or things will never change. Sign on with a Dr, it isn't hard, you don't have to make any appointments although the nurse may prefer to meet you . Check if you can do this online or pop to complete the form. Everyone is entitled to a gp and you never know when you might need one. But agree we are going in circles...

ilovesooty · 31/01/2015 16:50

So what do you plan to do if you are taken ill? That can happen to anyone.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 16:50

I know they won't change.

OP posts:
beginnerrunner · 31/01/2015 16:50

I've messaged you OP. I can relate. I'm not depressed either and don't like seeing the GP for the same reasons. Please PM me if you'd like to stay in touch.

lljkk · 31/01/2015 16:51

Mints why did you ask in the title for people to "give it straight to me." What did those words mean to you?

MerryMarigold · 31/01/2015 16:52

I'm not depressed - just a useless lump.

This is not true and it's very sad. You weren't BORN a useless lump, were you? Nobody was. Everybody has mostly good inside them (I believe). So some things have happened to you along the way and now you need a bit of help to get over them. Maybe bullying at school, bad parenting, mental health issues (some inherited and some developed from bad experiences).

Trust me, you ARE depressed, but you don't need to see a GP initially if you feel they will jump on you. What you wrote is depression talking, not you. Go to Holland & Barrett and see if you can get something herbal to help, and start doing a few bits and bobs. Keep a thread open for people to support you here.

You made a step coming on here, see? That's not useless. That was a great idea! You can keep going from here and you will see results. Maybe now is the time you have been waiting for.

lljkk · 31/01/2015 16:52

ps: you haven't wasted my time (lol). I'm looking for excuses to do nothing in particular.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 16:52

Ilovesooty - I know. If I absolutely need to I can go to a & e but at the moment I don't need to.

I don't know why everyone seems to have sympathetic caring gps who can solve all problems though: my experience is barely looking up from the desk before prescribing you some tablets or other!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 16:53

Ll I honestly can't apologise enough as I suppose I wanted to talk.

As people's well meaning advice kept flooding in I realised I'm incapable of taking it - hence I suppose that negates the point.

OP posts:
LIZS · 31/01/2015 16:55

Then you haven't found the right gp for you. If you have to go to a and e with a minor ailment then you won't be made to feel very welcome!

MerryMarigold · 31/01/2015 16:55

Mints, choose any bits of advice you like the sound of. You don't need to take it all on board, that would be impossible. Which one feels manageable at the moment?

slightlyconfused85 · 31/01/2015 16:55

Register with a different surgery then and try a different GP. If other people have sympathetic caring GPs then there must be plenty out there. In my surgery there are 10 or so GPs, several of them I'd rather not see but two or three are excellent. Nothing stopping you trying every GP at the surgery until you are happy.

If you don't want to try any single thing that people have suggested on this thread, then you need to see a doctor. You talk about wanting to die and having no motivation for anything at all. This is a form of depression whether you believe it or not, and there are many many types of help that are not tablets.

Original poster
Mintsandpinks · 31/01/2015 16:56

Gosh, I'm not registering with a doctor.

Sorry.

'The right gp' lol. I've seen loads - yet to meet a decent one.

OP posts:
ourglass · 31/01/2015 16:56

Do you have a GP?

lljkk · 31/01/2015 16:57

Most Folk just want to help. (okay some are bastards who want an excuse to have a go & some are narrow minded and think their solution is a one-size-fits-all). But most like to help.

What else are you doing tonite?

LIZS · 31/01/2015 16:57

If you feel overwhelmed step back from the key pad and come back afresh tomorrow. If you take one piece of advice as a start it is worthwhile. You can reinvent yourself but you have to want to and asking for help is a first step forwards.

nilbyname · 31/01/2015 16:57

op with kindness you sound defensive and resistant to change. The amount of stuff you want to change is huge and there is no easy answer, or magic wand.

Could you make a diary and start noting in something poaitive each day. Like its a sunny day, or you saw a snow drop or you had a lovely long walk.

Start small.

Could you join a walking/rambling group in your local community?

Phone your local library and find out what's on offer.

Doing a new activity is daunting, but it might help you meet new people.

Keep talking on here, making plans and giving it all some thought is a great start.

Sometimes it's ALOT of trail and error!

ourglass · 31/01/2015 16:57

Ah just seen you won't see one.

Not sure how you're going to change your life to be honest. I don't think you're ready yet.

LIZS · 31/01/2015 16:58

Is there a local Facebook page ? Can you ask for recommendations of a sympathetic gp or practice.