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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mil and mother and baby class

203 replies

delilahrose2014 · 30/12/2014 19:31

My baby isn't due for another 8 weeks yet but my MIL has asked that when he is born she wants to take him (without me) to a mother and baby class where they do baby massage and baby sign language. She wants to do this so that she will develop a 'special bond' with him. I have said that I don't want this to happen and this has upset her and caused tension with the extended family.

AIBU about what will be my precious first born or is she getting too involved? I feel like this kind of thing I should be doing with my son, and something I want to make the most of doing whilst off on my maternity leave. I am terrified the baby will prefer her or bond with her.

Myself and MIL have quite a strained relationship, I think she is quite passive aggressive.

OP posts:
asmallandnoisymonkey · 30/12/2014 19:33

She is quite mad. Say no and leave it at that. YANBU!

Ohfourfoxache · 30/12/2014 19:34

If you're not comfortable with it then stand your ground.

She's had her children, it's your turn now.

What's DH's take on her demands?

pommedeterre · 30/12/2014 19:34

Weird. Yanbu.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 30/12/2014 19:34

Er no.... YANBU
Nip that nonsense in the bud. She will get plenty of other LATER opportunities to 'bond'

freezation · 30/12/2014 19:35

Goodness no YADNBU! What a strange thing to want to do. Just be firm, end of discussion. Out of interest what does your DH think?

VitalStollenFix · 30/12/2014 19:35

tell her the clue is in the name and no, she won't be taking your child to any mother and baby classes.

Lagoonablue · 30/12/2014 19:35

Odd. Put your foot down. It is YOUR baby.

MrsMincePie · 30/12/2014 19:35

YANBU. Dont let your MIL do it.

But don't worry you are the Mum and your baby will bond with you.

BackforGood · 30/12/2014 19:36

She's just being enthusiastic.

Just smile and say "We'll have to see howI feel when (s)he's older"

Don't worry - the baby will bond with you fine (even if she did spend some alone time with her Grandmother), babies don't have a restriction allowing them only to bond with one person you know.

It might be, a few months down the line you'll be delighted to have an hour's break to just lie in the bath or have 40 winks, don't close any doors yet. Smile

Buzzybee123 · 30/12/2014 19:37

I have never heard of this Confused sounds like she wants a second chance at parenting, its nice she wants to bond with your child but this sounds OTT and a bit controlling, tell her no and tell the extended family to mind their own business

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 30/12/2014 19:37

Just say no

First off, your baby and these classes might not get on, you might get a colicky one (hope not), or a constant feeder

Breastfeed if you can, always puts off a pushy grandparent, said baby can never be scurried away from you then

And finally, there's a clue in the title, mother and baby, most of these classes are essentially for the mum, for you to socialise, yes the baby gets a nice massage but she's going to be well out of sorts as the only gran

Your jot being emotional or pfb, she's overstepping the line, put her right from day zero or forever be pushed around for her needs Grin

Mrsgrumble · 30/12/2014 19:37

YANBU .. Put the foot down now.

No no no.. She's had her day. Yes, the odd park visit but not mother and baby class... Wierd.

Why should she have all the nice bits.

Why do all the extended family know? She is ott for moaning to them.

Original poster
delilahrose2014 · 30/12/2014 19:39

My DH gets where I am coming from, but thinks I am being a bit sensitive. He doesn't want to cause upset between himself and his Mum which just pisses me off even more!

OP posts:
padkin · 30/12/2014 19:39

Completely thoughtless on her part, and I would have said no to my MIL if suggested. I loved doing baby signing, and it was important I did it as I needed to learn the songs and signs with my baby, as I was the one using them every day. It's fairly pointless if not done with the main carer. What an odd idea.

tumbletumble · 30/12/2014 19:40

I'm not known for taking the MIL's side in these threads, but I think this is rather a nice idea, and it's possible you are over reacting because of your history with MIL. She gets some time with her grandson and you get a break.

Those who think it's mad or odd, would you find it strange if MIL offered to have the baby once a week and took him to the park or her house? Surely that's quite normal isn't it? Is it just because it's a mother and baby class?

ILovePud · 30/12/2014 19:40

I could give her the benefit of the doubt and say she is just being enthusiastic but for the fact that she has been upset and caused tension when you have said no. You are not being unreasonable Deliah you just need to spend a few hours on this forum to see how these things develop, nip it in the bud now.

ChristmasEva50 · 30/12/2014 19:41

I would tell her that you don't want to think or speak about this until the baby is safely here and old enough to do these things. You may not ever want her to have unsupervised access to PFB or you may be desperate for someone to take the baby for a couple of hours. I would remain calm and discuss it further once the baby is here.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 30/12/2014 19:41

He will learn soon enough that once you are a parent the tides have shifted, and his mummy's needs are no longer top of the list

She knows that, she's been there, isn't rocket science, she's just going to have to suck it up, it's not called granny and baby class is it?!

Treeceratops · 30/12/2014 19:42

Of course your baby won't prefer her. You will be his/her favourite person ever. And she's being most odd. My DS loves his granny because she plays with him not because they go to any groups.

GingerbreadPudding · 30/12/2014 19:42

Could she take him to something a bit less intense? A music class or general baby group?

Ratbagcatbag · 30/12/2014 19:42

Suggest she books baby swimming instead - we go and there are lots of grandparents doing that, whilst mum/dad come along to watch and dry baby off afterwards actually the have half hour peace in the cafe and read a magazine

minklundy · 30/12/2014 19:42

You might actually appreciate the break if mil does some things with him.

Having to be the one who does every thing for your child is exhausting and also, you will come to realise other people can do it just as well as you. And yet your pfb will always love you more.

Don't let her trample on you but don't refuse help. You don't win prizes for matyring yourself and parents who take breaks are less stressed.

i was reluctant to let mil do too much (mostly guilt thinking she should not have to) but it was a godsend. Also we had dt and i didn't think anyone else could possibly manage. Of course they could.

ILovePud · 30/12/2014 19:42

X posted with you, him not wanting to cause upset between him and his mum is another massive red flag! Again nip that kind of crap in the bud too.

TheXxed · 30/12/2014 19:43

YANBU! YANBU! YANBU!

Viviennemary · 30/12/2014 19:43

No way. Your baby not hers. Cheek or what!