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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the rage at parents who don't provide sanpro

154 replies

Wonc · 12/12/2014 10:19

Had coffee today with a friend who works as a school secretary at my DC's school and she told me there are a number of parents who think it is the school's responsibility to provide sanitary products.
She said it is always the same girls every month.

WTAF?

I am mortified for these girls. As an introvert, I would have died having to go and ask someone each month for sanpro.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it Sad. She seemed very blasé about it, whereas I can't believe this is a thing.

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 12/12/2014 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UncrushedParsley · 12/12/2014 10:23

Well I always provided san pro for disorganised DD. Bought special containers, advised always carrying in school bag, yada yada. Because of her disorganisation, and irregular cycle, she has apparently used the school office for this, so YABU. She was 15/16 at the time.

SantasBassoon · 12/12/2014 10:24

Perhaps it's the girls themselves who are badly organised. By the time I started secondary school, my personal hygiene was my responsibility. My parents had nothing to do with it, other than buying whatever I needed if I thought to ask them.

juneau · 12/12/2014 10:25

Some parents just take the piss and think the school should do everything for their DC - including toilet training, teaching them to use a knife and fork and getting dressed - so this crappy attitude doesn't surprise me.

Dionysuss · 12/12/2014 10:26

In every loo at my old school were the vending type machines.
I would have been so embarrassed to have to ask.

Songofsixpence · 12/12/2014 10:27

My DD has recently started.

She'd be mortified to have to go and ask. She's a bit embarrassed at asking me - I've bought her a lidded basket to keep in her room, and just make sure it's fully stocked

We're still working on her remembering to check she has enough in her bag to last the day so there may be a time when she/I forget and she's caught short, but as a regular thing? She'd be horrified

formerbabe · 12/12/2014 10:28

I think its terrible. My mum died when i was young and my dad was kind of old fashioned so I had to buy my own. I get quite angry looking back thinking no one helped me. I had no idea schools even provided this?

Original poster
Wonc · 12/12/2014 10:28

Thankfully no idea Derek.

Hmmm I see what you mean about disorganised DDs Santas and Parsley, but she said this was a regular thing. It seemed some parents weren't buying them for their DDs Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/12/2014 10:28

You haven't been able to stop thinking about it??

I used to get caught short at school (not my parent's fault, I was just badly organised), so I used to stick a wad of tissue there, rather than go to the office.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2014 10:31

It seemed some parents weren't buying them for their DDs

That ^^ doesn't make sense though?

If they don't buy them for their DDs, they must be using tissue/kitchen roll or something at home, yes?

If that's the case, why aren't they using the same at school?

It does sound like bad organisation to me, rather than parents not buying them.

ClimbingFramePlanningEnquiry · 12/12/2014 10:35

It's nice to know your friend gossips about these girls' unfortunate circumstances.

I was sometimes 'caught short' at school - irregular periods, so sometimes came on unexpectedly.

We were also very poor, and if didn't always have enough sanpro. Depending on when it was in the month, I would feel absolutely wretched about asking my mum for more, as I knew her buying it would mean eg she would eat for a few days to make up the cash shortfall.

Mortified as I was (and I was), asking the school for help was the least bad option at times. And it happened more than once, so I was a 'regular' in that respect. Glad to know I may have provided something gossipy to chat about when my school secretary went out for coffee Hmm

Kaekae · 12/12/2014 10:35

What a delightful convo you were having over coffee! [hmmm]. Anyway, I doubt the parents think it is the schools responsibility, come on! The girls themselves are probably just badly organised. Past a certain age I know I didn't discuss it with my mum, she bought them I used them. We also had the vending machines at school.

ClimbingFramePlanningEnquiry · 12/12/2014 10:37

Grr typo. Obviously meant my mum would not eat for a few days to find the cash.

Original poster
Wonc · 12/12/2014 10:37

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about it". Yes, that's right WorraLiberty. I would hate to be in their position.
I'm not talking about a one-off, getting caught short situation.
We've all been there... The way she explained it was the school having to provide sanpro for the same girls every month.

OP posts:
tudorgirl · 12/12/2014 10:37

My parents didn't buy it for me, it was a painfully embarrassing subject in our house. I would have to save up my meagre pocket money to buy my own. Sometimes I wouldn't have enough money. A stressful and worrying thing for a 12/13 year old. So easily rectified!
I vowed to try make no topic off limits or too embarrassing when I have children.

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/12/2014 10:40

" my mum would not eat for a few days to find the cash."
oh come off it, a box of tampons is about 1.50.
I very much doubt there are parents who think it is the school responsibility to provide sanpro; there may be disorganised parents with difficult daughters ....for example I would ask my dd if she needed anything and she would scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at me.
Later I would find bloody tenaladies scattered around the bathroom.
ahhhh happy days.

formerbabe · 12/12/2014 10:42

You haven't been able to stop thinking about it??

That's a blase attitude Worra to something which is mortifying when you are 12/13 but seems so easily dealt with as an adult. Like the op, I would have also kept thinking about it. I don't think you should minimise it. For you, it was bad organisation but as you can see from this thread many girls have more complex reasons for being in this uncomfortable situation.

Original poster
Wonc · 12/12/2014 10:43
Sad

Sorry to the posters whose parents didn't provide it. It must have been dreadful.

We weren't gossiping Kaekae although I can certainly understand it would appear that way. We were talking about our jobs and she was saying she wished she could do more to help these girls.

OP posts:
cheesee · 12/12/2014 10:44

If they don't buy them for their DDs, they must be using tissue/kitchen roll or something at home, yes? If that's the case, why aren't they using the same at school?

I find this topic excruciatingly embarrassing, but basically, it's easier to get away with home-made methods at home, than it is out and about at school. If the toilet paper/kitchen roll starts slipping up and out of your knickers at home, then you get up and go to the loo, not so easy to do that at school as one must have permission to go to the loo, and don't even get me started on how difficult it is to walk such long distances at school to get to the loos with the worry your wad of toilet paper is going to fall out. Or it's started to crumble into tiny pieces and slipping out the sides.

It does sound like bad organisation to me, rather than parents not buying them.

I can categorically state in my case it had absolutely nothing to do with my lack of organisation, and everything to do with the fact that 2 packets of san pro per month were the price of a pint for my father or a bacardi coke for my mum. And my parents selfish drinking habits took financial priority every single time.

When I was 14 I managed to get a part time job and since then have been organised enough to have more than enough san pro with me. It was just impossible when I was under 14 and had no pocket money, no job, and parents who didn't give a shit.

ClimbingFramePlanningEnquiry · 12/12/2014 10:45

Erm, yes. Sunny. Really.

I did actually live my life, you know, it's not fictitious.

We really were properly poor. £1.50 would have been about what mums portion of the main meal would cost for a couple of days.

There was not a spare penny about when I was a teenager. Not affording sanpro was the tip of an enormous iceberg. You may jot have lived like that ever (lucky you) but we did.

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/12/2014 10:46

god Cheesee that is dreadful
my keyboard doesnt have brackets so I cannot send you flowers and cake.
but I would.

TooHasty · 12/12/2014 10:46

Sorry but I think this is rubbish!
They presumably use sanpro at home, so why are they not taking a few to put in their school bag ?I assume my DD1 does this-I don't check
Disorganised kids blaming parents I'd say!

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2014 10:47

All I can see from this thread formerbabe is the OP making wild assumptions that the same parents don't buy sanpro for their DDs, because they think the school should provide it.

Which is ridiculous because that means the girls would be using nothing at all at home and on the weekends.

If the same girls are getting caught short regularly, they are clearly not 'mortified', otherwise they'd do what most girls I know do and use tissue.

It's just hearsay and gossip.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 12/12/2014 10:49

Yep, money was shall we say up and down in our house (gambling) so DM used to stockpile sanpro for me when the money came in, but we did run out occasionally. Why are people surprised that there are a significant number of young people living in chaotic homes where their practical needs aren't met, or where there genuinely isn't enough money to cover everything?

JeanneDeMontbaston · 12/12/2014 10:51

It's obviously a while ago now (but not that long, I'm 30), but I did know a girl whose parents just refused to accept she needed sanpro. She used wadded up loo roll and I know her parents got called on it by the PE teacher at parents evening because she ended up crying with us about it - her parents made her feel she was disgusting for needing it. We were 11/12.

Some serious issues there, but it's what I immediately thought of reading the OP.