To have the rage at parents who don't provide sanpro

[Wonc]

Had coffee today with a friend who works as a school secretary at my DC's school and she told me there are a number of parents who think it is the school's responsibility to provide sanitary products.
She said it is always the same girls every month.

WTAF?

I am mortified for these girls. As an introvert, I would have died having to go and ask someone each month for sanpro.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it . She seemed very blasé about it, whereas I can't believe this is a thing.

What can be done? By the power of MN...

What? How can MN do anything for these girls?

You haven't said what your friend has done about it though.

Has she spoken to the pastoral team/SLT or the school nurse?

What can be done ? Nothing can be done poverty neglect forgetfulness disorganisation laziness embarrassment all can still be an issue in 2014 what do you think can be done?

I remember a girl from a visiting school staying with us for a week of sports competitions that our school was hosting. She was wealthybrid (no doubt), smart, hardworking and talented (I was very much in awe as she was older and I was rubbish at sports). When she left she left all, and I mean ALL her bras behind. I thought it was weird. My mum took one look at these grey, well worn bras, binned them, bought a whole bunch of new ones and posted the new ones to the girl. Turns out her mum had walked out years ago and asking dad to help her out with money to go bra shopping was painful (especially given the country they lived in). My mum was just good at picking up on these little things.

People are surprising. I teach. My girls love that there are sanitary pads stashed in a cupboard in my room. Means if they get caught short, they can grab one without a fuss. I'm not trying to be sanctimonious or prove a goody-goody point.

People grossly underestimate the impact that feminine hygiene and puberty issues have on your girls. Read the research. There are entire charities trying to get sanitary pads out to girls in Africa who often take a week a month off school to save the embarrassment.

This thread is depressing. Why shouldn't women be discussing the issues that affect younger women today?! I would hate to think that people thought I was gossiping when genuinely concerned about young people.

I never even told my mum I started. And I started LATE (like 15/16) so God knows why she never offered to buy me any. I would NEVER have asked her (stuff like that just WASN'T DISCUSSED in my house) to buy me any. But luckily I worked in a chemist shop, so I just bought stuff from there. But if I had been 12/13...yeah, I would have had to have asked, or have been stuck using tissue every period.

People blaming solely disorganised girls...you don't know how lucky you are to have grown up in a household where you could actually approach your parents about these things.

Fwiw I had to ask for sanitary towels every month and they seemed to be rationed 2 a day was sufficient apparently it was just rubbish id have been mortified if q school secretary had gossiped about me going to her at lunch time for a week a month needing a change

Poverty top-trumps?

FFS!

No, these are women relating their own life experiences to hammer home the point that kids young enough to go to school (which is what we're talking about) don't decide where the household budget is spent. Especially when the budget is tiny. See: benefit sanctions, and increased food bank usage. A point that is so obvious that it shouldn't need to be reinforced by anyone detailing personal experiences.

Why the hell else would there be organisations and governmental departments devoted to child protection and overseeing children's welfare? For decoration?

I am not going to comment anymore It has obviously hit a nerve with me but maybe yourfriend should have a look at her school confidential iality policy

Look, nobody here knows why the same girls are needing sanitary towels from the office every month.

But if the OP's friend has reported it to the necessary person/people then the matter will no doubt have been looked into.

My Mum used to buy me these great wedge shaped things and I wouldn't use them. I used to nick my sisters' tampax, but if I was caught short I used a wad of tissue. I told my one of my sisters one day and she was horrified! She bought them for me after that. I wasn't being neglected - I just didn't communicate my dislike of the offered sanpro with my Mum.

I agree that it is gossip on the secretary's part.

I also think that sanpro should be free on the NHS.

Poor budgeting will play a part in some families but things like tax credits are relatively new, no? They certainly didn't exist as now through the 1960's, 70's and 80's while my siblings and I grew up. And if the budget isn't large enough, even though it should be with tax credits, then it simply will not cover everything. Be it 1970 or 2014.

And poverty top trumps? For fuck sake. Not all of us had nice caring homes with ample cash. So what, we shouldn't relay our experiences? Just shut up and pretend it was all rosy?

Well it fucking wasn't. It was miserable and shaming and it has had long term effects on me.

How do sarcastic comments help?

Fuck.

Makes me realise how lucky I was to have a mum who kept all this stuff stocked up, no questions asked and also helped me organise myself. And I took it all for granted too ans assumed it was totally normal.

I just hate threads with my friend who works in a school was telling me... it is gossipy judgemental and disrespectful to the children they are gossiping about these are real girls some maybe like the pp who had terrible parents and basic needs were not met it really bothers me that these girls were discussed over a cup of tea and a hobnob

I was most definitely a talked-about kid. However, I can't recall I single case of it being malicious. I know friends mums, teachers, neighbours all talked about different (neglectful) things they would notice about me. Again though, it was in a sympathetic way aimed to help me. Not in the malicious way you seem to see it.

It was because of a friends mum "interference" that I managed to get a part-time job at 14, and that made a MASSIVE difference to my life. Not lipstick and comic strips, but shampoo to wash my hair in, instead of washing up liquid which stripped my already dry hair bare, sanitary towels instead of rags and safety pins, second hand clothes that fitted me and didn't make me look like a clown, my life improved a LOT with my part time wage.

The person offering the job initially didn't want to give it to me as I wasn't the most well turned out looking child. But my friend's mother managed to convince the man offering the job that I was poorly turned out because my parents were neglectful. He gave me the chance. It worked out very well for both of us, and his reference got me a good job after leaving school.

I know my previous employer and my friends mum talked about me (as many other adults did too) but I do also know that it was with sympathy and empathy they spoke, not respectful gossiping. I also had a neighbour who "talked about me", she dumped her previous baby sitter and paid me to look after her kids when she went out. Not that I think I was better qualified than her previous baby sitter, no, I just think she saw that I needed money for essentials as opposed to her previous sitter who needed it for lip gloss and magazines.

Most of the help I got during my child hood came from people who learned of my situation through talking with others. I like threads like the OPs because awareness is needed that many kids aren't provided with basics like sanpro (warm clothing, shoes that fit, enough food etc).

grrr i cant type, that should have read

" it was with sympathy and empathy they spoke, not disrespectful gossiping"

whitecandles

People find it easier to cope with the world if they can put stuff like this down to young teens being ditzy. If they accepted that you could just be born into a neglectful family, they'd have to be grateful for their good fortune for not having been. And then they'd have to think about their positive achievements in their own lives and question whether it had all been down to them being wonderful and hard-working.

Oh I know it QueenTilly - it sickens me.

Sparks1007 - good idea. I teach too. At the moment, I don't have my own classroom (I work in a private school in Korea) but once I am back in the UK, I will definitely keep a stash in my class cupboard.

I would have been mortified having to do this at school and even more so if I thought the secretary was gossiping about me My mum is great but always found periods embarrassing so never bought me anything and I was often caught short, not very nice. I often didn't have the money to buy sanpro and didn't like asking. Funny what teenagers worry about. So glad for the mirena coil as an adult

We had a collection at work after one Xmas to donate unwanted shower gel and toiletry gift sets to a local high school. Apparently some girls shower only at school as they don't have facilities at home. I can believe your friends story op.

I'm in tears thinking of those lovely people that helped you so sensitively, cheesee, by giving you the means to earn money to buy essentials.

And it's so true, gossip has a bad name, but if it's not intended maliciously, it can do a lot of good.

I also think it's true, though, that some girls are provided by parents with what they need, but are disorganised. And so? We should let them flood everywhere to "teach them a lesson" about being organised?

(Third paragraph more in general about the thread, than to anyone in particular.)

I agree that there is a world of difference between a gleeful "OMG!!! You wont believe what some girls do...!" and "You wouldnt believe what some girls have to do because they are not provided with the essentials..." Why the assumption that the OPs friend was doing the former?

Its only by talking about it and telling people that this happens that there is any chance of change. Because periods are so personal and some people do find it embarrassing to talk about, it can end up being a hidden problem. By making sure that we all talk to our kids about it and helping them to understand when their friends talk about it, we can help uncover situations such as Cheesee had to live with and maybe do a little to help as her friends parents did.

This thread reminds me of a classmate in my first year at secondary school. She asked me accompany her to the nurse's office for moral support because her period had started and she didn't have anything with her.

When we got there the nurse was really unpleasant towards her; it was obviously not the first time it had happened and there was lots of eye rolling and muttering from the nurse. She lectured my friend on taking responsibility "now that she was a woman" (she was 11 FFS!) and charged her 20p (which she didn't have as she was on free school lunches, so I paid instead). I don't know if the nurse knew what I did; that the girl had a really chaotic home life with an alcoholic single mum and was in and out of care, but even if she didn't I was shocked by her lack of compassion for a young girl in an embarrassing and vulnerable situation.

My friend is a teacher in Holland and the girls are not embarrassed about periods. They will raise their hands and say: "I have to go change my pad". Lots of families make a cake to celebrate a girl's first period. It does not occur to the boys to snigger about girls' menstruation.

I know this is a little off topic, but I think it is time to stop seeing periods as shameful and embarrassing.

My parents were wealthy. I went to private school.

But periods were absolutely not talked about in our house. My mother is a lovely woman but she really never talked to me about periods or puberty. I had 3 older brothers and I was absolutely mortified that I had periods. I thought they were shameful and disgusting.

My mother would buy me sanpro if I asked but mostly I was too embarrassed to ask. She didn't think to stock up anyway. She used tampons which I couldn't get on with as a young girl so nicking hers wasn't an option.

So I used to make my own out of cotton wool, tissues and double sided tape. They were pretty crap but better than nothing. Occasionally I would claim to my PE teacher that I had been caught short just so I could have a couple of proper pads.

I feel sad when I think about it. Periods caused me such stress as a young teen and it could have been so easily sorted.

In this school's case I'd buy it the once and then provide a gentle or not note saying parents should buy it in future.

We had vending machines in our school. and used Tampax... and we had the yearly showing (one off) of a film sponsored by Tampax where we got a free box.

My mum bought them for me. These days with Pound Shops etc surely it's not that dear? Or superdrugs etc own brand?