Sanityclause, I had bad luck with shitty parents. But I lucked out with other adults around me. So many small kind things from my childhood remain with me to this day. (like my friends mum who kept buying socks/pants/gym shoes/school jumpers/pyjamas/jackets in a size too small for her daughter, and she had always thrown the receipt away, so they always got handed down to me. I know now she bought them FOR me, but by pretending she had bought too small she allowed me to keep my dignity intact and my parents off my back).
Bogeyface, I too don’t at all understand why the women in discussion stated by the OP were automatically deemed to be gossiping maliciously. While malicious gossip is a possibility, I think the chances are fairly high that the girl mentioned in the OP could have been in a similar helpless situation that myself and others found ourselves in. I am forever grateful to the “gossips” in my childhood, as thanks to them they made it a bit more bearable for me. Through their “gossip” they had a fair idea of what my needs actually were, and they went out of their way to help me in innumerable small ways that made an otherwise fairly hellish life a lot more tolerable. I would never gossip about a kid in a malicious way, but I certainly have aired concerns about kids with people in my life. Not one bit of it was ever malicious.
Mrsfrumble, I can relate all too well with the nasty school nurse thing. I only ever asked at school on a couple of occasions, they were far from helpful, and I was afraid of repercussions (physical violence) from my parents IF the school had approached my parents about my lack of sanpro. A lot of children learn very young that they have to lie to protect their parents, if they don’t there are consequences.
Weepingrain, awful, just awful.
Superfly, I really don’t think you get the situation at all that many kids find themselves in. Your scenario for the school and the note to the parents would just have meant I would never have approached the school at all. I was not allowed to let on to the outside world about what we missed out on at home. If I had had no breakfast, and wasn’t given lunch money, and there was nothing to make a lunch with in the fridge, it was expected that I would lie at school and say I wasn’t hungry (had had a big breakfast/had fruit in my bag/had eaten my packed lunch at the morning break) whatever lie was necessary, it was expected that I tell it. The last thing I needed in my childhood was a school nurse or secretary sending a letter to my parents saying they must buy me sanpro. They wouldn’t have bought me any anyway, but I would have got a good hiding for airing family secrets. The last thing a school should do is put a child in a vulnerable home situation, in an even more vulnerable situation by sending notes home.
Bulbasaur, I have already stated poverty played no role in my parents shit parenting or their lack of providing basics for their children. However much you want to address their poor budgeting, it wouldn’t have altered anything for me. Yes they were shit with money. Yes they were selfish. And yes as far as I am concerned you can judge them till the cows come home, but that doesn’t change the reality that many children find themselves in. No winter coat, no shoes that fit, no food on the table, no sanpro. Whereas I do think a post like the OP made, and some of the discussion following it, can (and certainly in my case) does help. Even if it’s only helping one child in one small way, it is at least something. If one person on this thread could just stop and think “maybe of those 10 girls going to the school every month asking for sanpro, well maybe just 5 of them are forgetful children, and maybe the other five come from abusive or neglectful homes”. Just that one small step of ACKNOWLEDGING a problem is sometimes parent based and not forgetful-child based would be a step in the right direction. Some of the earlier posts, exclusively blaming the children were quite obnoxious.