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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with DH about car seats?

141 replies

HoodwinkedByStealth · 24/10/2014 20:33

We've had an ongoing discussion about moving DD, 2.5, into a high backed booster, the type secured by a seat belt. I think she is too small, DH thinks I'm being over protective and silly.

I will admit to not knowing how much she weighs, I'm guessing around 13 kg. DH says she doesn't fit in her current seat anymore, I think she's ok in it. He says it's not fair on her because DS was in a high backed booster by this age (but he was far heavier and larger than she was at this age, certainly over the 15kg limit). She sometimes doesn't want to go in her seat and tries to get into Ds's. I think tough. She needs to be in the seat so I put her in it.

I asked him to come and collect us today after Ds's judo lesson and he did. He puts Dd in the car, unusual as he usually does DS as he's on the driver's side. I turn to look at DD on the way home and discover she is in a new car seat. He didn't ask me, has just switched it. She of course was happy in it. I feel really let down that he didn't even ask me. AIBU to think he should have asked me first, and at least checked out her size/weight?

OP posts:
divingoffthebalcony · 25/10/2014 16:14

You had to stop him smashing the seat up? I agree that the car seat argument isn't your only problem here. He sounds like he has serious anger issues.

Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 16:14

That's the new seat on the lowest setting. Her head is within the "ears" of the seat, of her head is 1cm from the top of the new seat. I've no idea how tall she is, but she (and DS and DH) have long bodies in comparison to legs

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 25/10/2014 16:16

The new seat is set too high. Click it up once or twice. The largest part of the ears is around her jaw where it should be around her eyes/ears, and the shoulder strap guide is below her shoulder, it should be above it.

Admittedly it does look like the new seat will protect her, body size wise, but that's still not a reason to move her if she's not 15kg, as the seat won't be tested for her lower weight.

MeeWhoo · 25/10/2014 16:40

May I hijack for a sec? Would you call this a HBB and would you put a 10.5 and 12.5 kg child on it? Or would it only be considered HBB once you take the middle bit out?

en.concord.es/products/driving/cart-seats/transformer-pro/

BertieBotts · 25/10/2014 17:24

MeeWhoo - That's a group 1/2/3 seat, so it covers the same stages as a 5 point harness seat and a high backed booster seat. You're correct - it's a Group 1 with impact shield and Group 2/3 without it, like a HBB.

You could put a 10.5 and 12.5kg child in it, only with the impact shield, not without, because group 1 covers from 9-18kg. But I wouldn't - at those weights I'd keep them in a Group 0 seat (0-13kg, rear facing) unless they're too tall.

Itsfab · 25/10/2014 17:25

Go to Halfords and ask their advice and see if the seat needs adjustments.

Your husband is still a pillock even if it does though. Threatening to smash things up and tantrumming Hmm. DO NOT apologise to him again when you are NOT in the wrong.

MeeWhoo · 25/10/2014 17:30

Thanks a lot Bertie, hijack over.

wingcommandergallic · 25/10/2014 18:08

Do you have a car safety centre near to you?
Maybe they an check if old seat or new seat are suitable.

wingcommandergallic · 25/10/2014 18:09

incarsafetycentre.co.uk

We've found them very useful although their default stance is rear facing is best.

Iggi999 · 25/10/2014 18:30

I feel really sorry for you and your uneasy truce - no idea why you'd want a truce with him though unless of course you are frightened of him.
I feel more sorry for your dd though.

LittleBearPad · 25/10/2014 18:43

I am horrified by his response. He wanted to smash the new seat up. Is he always so childish.

Andanotherthing123 · 25/10/2014 19:02

Keeping my son in his five point harness probably saved his life when our car was rolled by another driver failing to stop at a junction when he was 3.5 years old. It was broad daylight, perfect driving conditions and I was travelling 30 miles an hour. Your dh seems to be keen to assert himself-shame he wants to risk his child's life in the process. Stand your ground.

lessthanBeau · 25/10/2014 19:32

I have the evolva bought it when she was 2.5 now dd is 5 nearly six, we only just took the 5 point harness out when she reached the correct weight 18kg, she will be in the evolva until I can no longer make her get in it! it goes to age 12! even now she moans about it as most other friends now have the just the booster cushion without even the high back, I cant understand the rush of moving car seats , HBB goes to around age 7, why would you compromise on safety, and most of the friends boosters had HBs so they had to actually take them off on purpose so their kids could be less safe. Why didnt he just get a HBB with the 5 point harness??? idocy at its height! (and why didnt where ever he bought it from advise him on it too?)

merrymouse · 25/10/2014 20:31

So I had to physically stop smash it up and apologise

This is a relationships and anger management issue. You have all my sympathy hoodwinked. You have done nothing wrong.

Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 26/10/2014 07:58

He bought it from the supermarket, so no advice. He is upset that I would even imagine that he doesn't want what is best for the children and can't believe that I think that he wouldn't put their safety first.

I wonder how Dd will sleep in it. She always sleeps in the car and he bought the basic version that has no sleep position. DS's does, but he never sleeps in the car. But I can't suggest we change it as that would seem like I want to put Dd in the one with the better safety rating. And she is smaller than him so comparatively they look the same in the seats. For whoever asked I shall try and measure her tomorrow.

We have never gone for the "top" of the range car seat as they travel so rarely in the car so couldn't really justify the cost.

bertie do you mean the head rest part of the new seat is too low and I need to notch it up a bit?
Will look for a car safety place, didn't know they existed.

OP posts:
heartisaspade · 26/10/2014 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wingcommandergallic · 26/10/2014 09:30

Why can't you just take it back for a refund?

Then you can put the money towards a better seat.

BertieBotts · 26/10/2014 09:37

Usually places don't give refunds on car seats in case you've dropped it or had an accident and lied about it.

Yes I think the headrest part in the new seat is too low currently.

Why can't you carry on using the old seat if she still fits in it and just put the new one away for 6 months or a year? What's the issue with the old seat size wise?

Has he threatened to or actually smashed things before, BTW, or was this the first time?

DixieNormas · 26/10/2014 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 26/10/2014 09:53

They're really not designed for sleeping in. Even the ones which have recline etc built in shouldn't be slept in for safety reasons, it's a bit of a marketing con. If the child is asleep then they are leaning against the side impact part which means that it can't protect them because it would transfer that force directly to their head. SI wings are designed differently in seats for younger children. They are also relaxed and potentially slouching rather than sitting upright and active which puts them at a danger of submarining, which is where they slip under the seatbelt. That is why 5 point harnesses have a crotch strap and impact shields have a particular angle.

In Europe the recommendation for HBB is 4 years. In the US, where a lot of the big brands are based and designed, the recommendation for HBB is more like 5 or 6 years. They're being designed for use by an age of child who doesn't usually sleep in the car, they shouldn't be used by toddlers even if the toddler does fit in correctly.

merrymouse · 26/10/2014 09:53

Nobody knows about carseats unless they do the research. It isn't something you can know intuitively.

The correct response is either

"Really? thanks for telling me I didn't know at all".

or

"Are you sure? can you show me where you read that?"

Ignoring your opinion or taking offence because you have a different opinion is just wrong.

But I can't suggest we change it as that would seem like I want to put Dd in the one with the better safety rating.

Of course you want to put her in the car seat with the better safety rating. His arsey, childish posturing should not affect your daughter's safety.

DixieNormas · 26/10/2014 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feckitall · 26/10/2014 10:09

My DGSs are 2.8 and 15 months.
DS and DIL don't have a car so only need seats occasionally..but they were given the boys cousins (DIL side) old seat ..a HBB for the elder boy and used the infant seat for the younger..he was too big and elder too small...I bought them both 3 in 1 seats as I refused the carry them in my car without the right seats..the seats were £35 each from Amazon..They both have five point seats and I know they are as safe as they can be.
I'm sure DIL thought I was being 'that' MIL over it because she saw nothing wrong in it. Although once they had the seats she was thrilled because she could see the difference.

Iggi999 · 26/10/2014 10:20

Hoodwinked, to get this straight, you now know she is under the minimum weight for the seat and yet you are still using it.
I really hope you and your dh never have to face the consequences of your actions. Angry

LittleBearPad · 26/10/2014 11:31

Hoodwinked Iggi makes a very very good point. Why are you planning to use a seat that isn't safe, whether you use the one your husband bought or your DS, neither are legal. You know she's too light for it. What happened to old seat?