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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with DH about car seats?

141 replies

HoodwinkedByStealth · 24/10/2014 20:33

We've had an ongoing discussion about moving DD, 2.5, into a high backed booster, the type secured by a seat belt. I think she is too small, DH thinks I'm being over protective and silly.

I will admit to not knowing how much she weighs, I'm guessing around 13 kg. DH says she doesn't fit in her current seat anymore, I think she's ok in it. He says it's not fair on her because DS was in a high backed booster by this age (but he was far heavier and larger than she was at this age, certainly over the 15kg limit). She sometimes doesn't want to go in her seat and tries to get into Ds's. I think tough. She needs to be in the seat so I put her in it.

I asked him to come and collect us today after Ds's judo lesson and he did. He puts Dd in the car, unusual as he usually does DS as he's on the driver's side. I turn to look at DD on the way home and discover she is in a new car seat. He didn't ask me, has just switched it. She of course was happy in it. I feel really let down that he didn't even ask me. AIBU to think he should have asked me first, and at least checked out her size/weight?

OP posts:
RawCoconutMacaroon · 24/10/2014 21:47

You can get HBB that have 5point harnesses fitted. When the child reaches the appropriate hight, these can be removed and the seatbelt used instead. We have one for our short/slender 4yo.

Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 24/10/2014 21:53

He says the guidelines have changed and it is not weight but height that counts. That 5kg will trigger the locking mechanism of a seat belt.

I shall weigh her tomorrow if I can find the scales. Car seat info gives a min weight but not a min height.

DS was a giant for his age, whilst I wasn't happy, he physically didn't fit in his seat any more. DD, I think does. DH says she doesn't.

On going discussion. DH : we should move her. Me: no, she's too small. DH: you baby her. Me: she's still too small etc etc Since she was 2, whenever she made a fuss about going in the car. He knew I would never agree, so he went and did it without me knowing. I also worry because she's a climber...

OP posts:
hollie84 · 24/10/2014 21:55

Has she actually grown out of her current seat - is her head over the top of the back of the seat?

ilovepowerhoop · 24/10/2014 21:55

Your h is talking crap, the most important factor is weight

Iggly · 24/10/2014 21:55

It is weight and height that counts.

hippo123 · 24/10/2014 21:57

Could your Hv talk to him. There's no way any child would be safe in that type of car seat at 2.5 years, there bones just aren't strong enough. Maybe show him a few you tube videos of car seat testing? I bet she will keep putting her arm over the seat belt as well as the belt will be to near her face, so she is basically just wearing a lap belt. When your driving there's not a lot you can do about that.

Iggi999 · 24/10/2014 21:57

If he doesn't want to do proper research on the right car seat for his daughter, get him to research coffins that will fit her.
Sorry but I think he is being negligent. My 2.5 year old is in a rear facing seat. If we couldn't get rear facing he's be in a ff with a 5 point harness.

junkfoodaddict · 24/10/2014 22:01

My DS is 2 years and 10 months. He has just hit 15kg and is very tall for his age (90th percentile). He is still in a toddler seat with harness. I don't see the point putting him in a HHB when his toddler seat still fits and actually gives him more protection. If the shoulder straps sit slightly above or on the shoulders, the toddler seat STILL fits. I have a friend who moved her 5 month old from an infant car seat to a foreard facing because her feet were touching the back seat and claimed rearward wasn't safer because 'they would break their legs' (despite NO evidence worldwide of this being the case, especially in Scandanavian countries where rearward facing is the norm until the age of 4).
A HHB for a toddler of 2 years will NOT give her the protection she needs because she needs to fill the seat adequately. She will end up slipping her seatbelt.
Your DH needs some serious education on the safety of his child in a car. And also not to be so damned hasty in expecting his little girl to be older than her years from the sound of it.

PurplePidjin · 24/10/2014 22:03

Under a certain weight the mechanism on a 3 point seat belt just doesn't work - the movement doesn't register. So a child too light for it may as well not be wearing a seatbelt at all, plus they'll get smacked in the back of the head by the seat.

Under a certain height, the diagonal of a three point seat belt will be right across the child's throat.

Swap her back and have some serious words with your "d"h about what a mutual decision is!

junkfoodaddict · 24/10/2014 22:03

Also get in touch with the police who would be happy to explain that you are right and he is wrong!

Ihateparties · 24/10/2014 22:04

Weigh her and show him the law.

BertieBotts · 24/10/2014 22:08

If she's under 15kg then he's breaking the law. Over 15kg it will be perfectly legal so it's just up to you to discuss it - you could show him some crash test videos maybe?

StatisticallyChallenged · 24/10/2014 22:08

I'd say it's too small. DD is 4.5 and nearly 18kg and we have only just moved her in to a HBB. She's also 75th percentile for height and she hadn't grown out of her old seat height wise yet. No way would I put a 2.5 year old in a HBB

LittleBearPad · 24/10/2014 22:38

www.childcarseats.org.uk/types-of-seat/

Show him this and tell him to stop being ridiculous

BertieBotts · 24/10/2014 22:46

The height thing is to do with i-size, which is a new regulation coming in, but it's only for newer cars with isofix, so currently it's running alongside the current "group" system. Seats being sold now can be the old regulations (the group system) or they could be i-size. The old ones are based on weight only. A group 2-3 seat which is what a high backed booster is will be legal from 15kg, not before. No height guideline or restriction, and the weight classes or categories are the same for every seat within that group. For i-size every seat will have an individual minimum and maximum height. They're also making it law to have children rear facing until 15 months old, so the guidelines are getting tighter. If he likes the height idea you could tell him that!

skylark2 · 24/10/2014 22:46

Just weigh the kid.

Stand on scales. Note number.

Pick up kid. Stand on scales. Note new number.

Subtract for weight of child.

It'll take you two minutes, tops.

Can't she have one of those high back booster seats which has a 5 point harness that you stop using when they outgrow and then just use the seatbelt? 2.5 seems very young to me for a seat which uses an adult seatbelt to restrain the child, and I'm coming from the generation which turned kids forward facing at just a few months.

Purplepoodle · 24/10/2014 23:00

Could you get something like this

www.boots.com/en/Britax-Evolva-1-2-3-Plus-Car-Seat-Black-Thunder_1291067/?cm_mmc=pla--google--PLAs-_-Boots+Shopping+-+Category+-+Baby

It worked well for my kids as they used the harness until they were over the weight limit then just switched to seatbelt

thewavesofthesea · 24/10/2014 23:23

My nearly 3 year old has just moved into a HBB; but he is 17.5kg and tall. I was hesitant to move him as I'm not sure if they have the maturity to sit up, not pull on the belt etc. we use an Isofix one if that makes a difference. He is actually better than expected in it, but I wouldn't have moved him if we didn't have to!!

Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 06:04

13.6kg

OP posts:
GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 25/10/2014 06:11

He being an idiot. My dd is 13kg and is in a full rear facing car seat.
Why the fuck does he think this is ok?

DixieNormas · 25/10/2014 06:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

43percentburnt · 25/10/2014 07:01

Show him the rear facing vs front facing video on you tube. You may find that he becomes ultra cautious. The evidence will show it's not you being precious but it's a genuine concern.

I'm certainly not a precious snowflake mummy but after seeing that clip we bought an erf seat. When faced with comments from friends and relatives about not being able to look out of the window etc both dh and I point out the clip and say would you risk it? Many are not aware of the head size of a child being an issue.

Some drivers believe they are such skilled drivers they will never crash so a car seat is irrelevant. Could this be the case?

Sirzy · 25/10/2014 07:08

No way would I be moving a 13kg child into just a booster seat. Ignoring the fact it's illegal there is no way a seat belt will keep a child so light safe in an accident.

Don't a lot of group 0 car seats go to 13kg? So in theory (excluding erf) she could have actually still been rear facing until recently. I wouldn't even be considering HBB for another year and even then as she probably won't be at 18kg I wouldn't do it!

ChasedByBees · 25/10/2014 07:12

Why the hell does he think it's so important to move her up? You are of course NBU.

ChasedByBees · 25/10/2014 07:21

Here's a blog post on that case Dixiechick mentioned. The child could have avoided most of her severe injuries with a proper restraint.

www.pannone.com/media-centre/blog/personal-injury-blog/child-seats-and-contributory-negligence

I remember on MN from some years ago there was a woman who was always warning her husband to be more careful around a bonfire - I can't remember what it was he was doing but it was something stupid with chemicals and he repeatedly told her she was being over cautious. Her son ended up with severe facial burns. She basically hated her husband but didn't want to separate and cause more distress to her son. It was really sad. I think if there ever was an accident and you knew the injuries could have been avoided, you'd never forgive yourself or him.