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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with DH about car seats?

141 replies

HoodwinkedByStealth · 24/10/2014 20:33

We've had an ongoing discussion about moving DD, 2.5, into a high backed booster, the type secured by a seat belt. I think she is too small, DH thinks I'm being over protective and silly.

I will admit to not knowing how much she weighs, I'm guessing around 13 kg. DH says she doesn't fit in her current seat anymore, I think she's ok in it. He says it's not fair on her because DS was in a high backed booster by this age (but he was far heavier and larger than she was at this age, certainly over the 15kg limit). She sometimes doesn't want to go in her seat and tries to get into Ds's. I think tough. She needs to be in the seat so I put her in it.

I asked him to come and collect us today after Ds's judo lesson and he did. He puts Dd in the car, unusual as he usually does DS as he's on the driver's side. I turn to look at DD on the way home and discover she is in a new car seat. He didn't ask me, has just switched it. She of course was happy in it. I feel really let down that he didn't even ask me. AIBU to think he should have asked me first, and at least checked out her size/weight?

OP posts:
carlsonrichards · 25/10/2014 12:54

I would be beyond furious.

HappyAsASandboy · 25/10/2014 13:19

I keep thinking about this thread. Your DH is breaking the laws that are designed to protect your children. The laws are already some of the most relaxed in the developed world, and still he thinks ignoring them is ok.

If this was my DH an he insisted on taking DD out in the HBB, I would phone the police (on 101) for guidance. Basically to ask what you/they can do about the fact that your DH is breaking the law. Probably they will ask a PCSO to speak to him, though if they're not busy (ha ha) then they might pull him over and fine him.

Why on earth does your DH think the law doesn't apply to him?

LL12 · 25/10/2014 13:37

No way would I put a 2.5 year old in a HHB
Some people seem to see it a some sort of stupid milestone with how quickly they can move their child into the next car seat.
Do some people not think about their child's safety?

BertieBotts · 25/10/2014 13:42

Which seat is it BTW? I'm sure that the manual doesn't say it's a reccomendation. And I'm also sure that most if not all of them come with a big red warning saying that ignoring the advice in the safety leaflet can lead to serious injury or death.

wingcommandergallic · 25/10/2014 13:53

Would a seat with an impact cushion be a good compromise?
We've got a Cybex Pallas and there are a couple of other brands too.
DD has been in it since she grew out of rear facing seat at around 15 months old. The impact cushion spread the force of any impact and the back is still adjustable to height with side head protection. The cushion also makes a handy table.

Once the child reaches 18kg, you can remove the impact cushion and it becomes a high back booster with a seatbelt.

MrsTuppence · 25/10/2014 14:12

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time with this issue. Get him to google 'internal decapitation'. And I'm sorry in advance for how upsetting it will be. Some people just need to be shown rather than argued with.

Itsfab · 25/10/2014 14:33

I am thanking my lucky stars my DH is a loving father and sensible reading this thread Sad. Didn't bat an eye lid when the assistant looked at baby DD in her seat - weeks old - and said there was a better seat for her. Her seat was fine but there was an improved one. He bought it. Also, when someone crashed into the back of us he left work early to go and buy another seat so that we didn't have to use a cushion for DS in the hire car. We waited ages to get the money from the insurance company but you can't put a price on your child's safety. Unless you are MrHoodwinked Hmm.

Legs scrunched up a bit - fine. NO one died from a broken legs.
Child flying under seatbelt that isn't right for them - could die.

BertieBotts · 25/10/2014 14:39

Internal decapitation isn't the issue here, it's submarining. Internal decapitation is valid for RF vs FF concerns, not 5ph vs HBB.

TattyDevine · 25/10/2014 14:40

I'm sure the age is relevant too because of developmental stuff regarding sitting properly in the seat and not fannying around. Mine both hit the height and weight requirement before they met the "sit properly in your seat or I'll put you back in a baby seat!" threat recognition Grin

He's being a bit of an arse about this, its weird because its just a car seat.

He should realise that whilst you move up the car seat ranks as the child gets older, every move is technically a slight downgrade in safety (sort of - not if they are so big for the last seat it no longer works or protects them, then its safer to move of course) so really there is no need for it to be rushed and every need for it not to be.

Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 15:33

I had to stop DH smashing the car seat up. He said we would throw it and I can buy one with the fancy cushioning of my choice. Except that we can't afford to do that. So I had to physically stop smash it up and apologise Confused. There is now an uneasy truce. (Although he is now angry again with me because my old computer charger doesn't fit his new one so has gone out for 15 mins.)

OP posts:
Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 15:34

It's a maxi cosi rodi. This is her sitting in it.

To be pissed of with DH about car seats?
OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 25/10/2014 15:39

His attitude absolutely stinks; both in regard to your DDs safety, and towards you when you raise legitimate concerns. He's acting like a toddler and that would be a major issue for me. Threatening to smash the seat? FFS, grow up!

hollie84 · 25/10/2014 15:41

So bizarre that he's desperate to put her in a seat that she is too young/small/light to be safe in Confused

What was her current seat, and what makes him think it is too small?

Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 15:45

Brutal king plus. He says she can't sit up with her back straight in it because there's not the height from the seat to the inner headrest, so she's always sitting with her back slouched.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 15:45

Brutal = britax!

OP posts:
hollie84 · 25/10/2014 15:47

Is the head rest not adjustable?

Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 15:48

Oh and the reason she now fights to go in her car seat is because a few weeks ago on the (rare) occasion he took her out and I stayed with DS, he let her go in .dS's seat.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 15:48

Head rest of. Britax on maximum.

OP posts:
hollie84 · 25/10/2014 15:51

Is he right about the head rest being too low?

Could you take the booster seat back and get something like a Britax Evolva as a compromise?

MissDuke · 25/10/2014 15:58

My dd2 is coming 3 and weighs about the same as your dd. She is nowhere near ready to move seats, she also asks the odd time to sit in her brother or sisters' seats but I say no! And she then gets in her own. She is 91st centile for height and 75th for weight but still has plenty of room in her seat. My ds is 6 and last time he was weighed (a while ago) he was 18.5kg, I moved him to a highback booster when he turned 5 and was almost 18kg. My children put on weight very slowly, I think it will be a long time before your dd is heavy enough to safely sit in a HBB. My eldest dd is 10 and 135cm tall, so still 2cm off the minimum height for travelling without a car seat. She is not the smallest in her class, 9th centile for weight and 25th for height, but from what I have seen on playdates etc, appears to be one of the few in her class who still uses a booster.

So I don't think your dh is alone in not following the rules correctly but I will never understand why some people are so lax about it. I really think you need to keep pushing this despite is crappy attitude about it.

MissDuke · 25/10/2014 16:00

I feel the need to add that my girls both attend hospital appointments where they are weighed and have their height checked - in case its odd that I know their centiles etc off the top of my head lol - my boy doesn't, hence me being less confident with his current vital statistics!

QuillPen · 25/10/2014 16:06

Are you sure it is adjusted to its maximum, because it doesn't look like it is in the picture. In your picture, the head protecting bit is almost touching the seat body, whilst according to the maxi Cosi website, the car seat should adjust to have quiet a long neck (sorry I can't seem to link).

Also, we have a maxi Cosi seat (slightly different) and my DS would still just about fit in it and he's 113cm (and 7). How tall IS your daughter??

BertieBotts · 25/10/2014 16:08

That seat she's sat in looks too low set up for her to me. The shoulder seatbelt guide is too low, the headrest needs to be clicked up one or two more.

But hang on - you had to stop him from smashing it up? As in, literally? I thought he was being hyperbolic when talking about throwing the seat out. If he was literally about to smash the seat up, then you need to start reading the Relationships board, seriously. Violence against objects is a precursor to violence against you or the DC. I know that sounds dramatic on a car seat thread, but it's not normal to have to prevent your husband from smashing things, especially something he's just bought, over an argument.

QuillPen · 25/10/2014 16:13

Ignore what I said.. I have now realised the photo is of the booster seat not the 5 point harness seat.

I agree with what the pp said. Your Dh sounds unhinged.

BertieBotts · 25/10/2014 16:13

Quill the picture is the new seat, not the old one.