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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed of with DH about car seats?

141 replies

HoodwinkedByStealth · 24/10/2014 20:33

We've had an ongoing discussion about moving DD, 2.5, into a high backed booster, the type secured by a seat belt. I think she is too small, DH thinks I'm being over protective and silly.

I will admit to not knowing how much she weighs, I'm guessing around 13 kg. DH says she doesn't fit in her current seat anymore, I think she's ok in it. He says it's not fair on her because DS was in a high backed booster by this age (but he was far heavier and larger than she was at this age, certainly over the 15kg limit). She sometimes doesn't want to go in her seat and tries to get into Ds's. I think tough. She needs to be in the seat so I put her in it.

I asked him to come and collect us today after Ds's judo lesson and he did. He puts Dd in the car, unusual as he usually does DS as he's on the driver's side. I turn to look at DD on the way home and discover she is in a new car seat. He didn't ask me, has just switched it. She of course was happy in it. I feel really let down that he didn't even ask me. AIBU to think he should have asked me first, and at least checked out her size/weight?

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 25/10/2014 07:30

So at 13.6kg she's massively below the right weight for a HBB.

I very much doubt she's tall enough either even if this was yet a factor (read about I-size).

Tell him to return the seat. He's wasted his money doe at least another18 months and 4.4kg.

Itsfab · 25/10/2014 07:37

There was no need to weigh you then weigh you with your child. Just have your child stand on the scales alone.

Your DH is a pillock.

Bunbaker · 25/10/2014 07:47

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules

Not only is your husband wrong, he is breaking the law.

merrymouse · 25/10/2014 07:53

Check the guidelines, check her weight and height and go from there. It isn't really a matter for discussion - just go for the safest option.

Original poster

HoodwinkedByStealth · 25/10/2014 09:01

The weight is just bullshit. It's got nothing to do with weight. It's the speed of the car which causes a seat belt to lock. I don't care about her health or well being. It is bad for her back to be forcing her into a seat in which wen cannot sit up straight and it will do far more damage than the unlikely event that she might be in an accident. He has said he will never do anything for the children again, he tries to do something and buy for them and I spend half a day trying to tell him he is wrong. So he will throw it, and as we have soooo much money then I can go and buy her a proper one. (It's not the same as Ds's even, it's a lower safety rating). He would never have bought it if he didn't think it was safe and he was trying to save us some money as they are 30 % off.

As far as I can tell, there are only recommendations, there is noting stated legally so me telling him we would be guilty of negligence is all a load of pathetic over agonising bollocks. There is no minimum height specified for the chair, the weight is stated as a recommendation in the manual. She is tall and slight for her age.

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 25/10/2014 09:02

Read my link Hoodwinked

ilovepowerhoop · 25/10/2014 09:05

your dh is being an arse tbh and cares nothing for your daughters safety. He could have saved even more money by not buying the new seat at all.

HappyAsASandboy · 25/10/2014 09:14

Your DH, and you if you drive the car with your DD in a HBB, is breaking the law and can be fined by the police if caught. HBB have a 15kg weight limit.

If your DH is adamant that she has outgrown her seat, then he needs to buy another seat that is legal for a child of 13.5kg, not an unsuitable seat that is illegal to use.

It is not babying a child to leave them in the safest seat possible for as long as possible. That means changing up to the next seat as late a possible, as the younger stage seats are safer. That is putting their safety before your DHs misplaced pride, not babying your children

HappyAsASandboy · 25/10/2014 09:19

And sibling rivalry is certainly no reason to change a car seat!

I have twins. One twin is now 18kg and has just moved to a forward facing HBB because she's outgrown the rear facing seat limit of 18kg. Her twin brother is 13.5kg and so will be in the rear facing seat for ages yet - until he is 18kg. He doesn't like it, but within a month of the change he's accepted that he doesn't have a choice and is making better attempts at eating his dinners so he grows!

If I can manage the sibling rivalry between 4 year old twins who have exactly the same opportunities and capabilities normally, I'm damn sure your DH should be able to explain to a 2 year old why she can't have what her older brother has

It really does annoy me when people put the safety of their children second to a bit of difficult parenting.

DixieNormas · 25/10/2014 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skylark2 · 25/10/2014 09:26

"The weight is just bullshit. It's got nothing to do with weight. It's the speed of the car which causes a seat belt to lock."

Do you or your idiot of a husband have any old physics books from when you were at school, aged 14 or so? Maybe a bit younger?

The equation you're looking for is

f=ma

That m stands for mass.

DeputyPecksBentBeak · 25/10/2014 09:35

You do realise there was perfectly good compromise (not that you should need it, your DH shouldn't be such an idiot).

Your DH, had he actually done some very basic research, could have bought a 123 stage car seat. The ones in the shape of a HBB but with a harness that detaches once they reach 18kg. The 123's claim to be suitable from 9months but in reality most children aren't big enough for the side impact head support until over a year, but at your DD's age it would have been ideal. Something like the Britax Evolva. Though it serves the same purpose as the bucket style stage 1's.

We're about to get dd, 2.8yrs, a stage 123 seat, but that's only because her brother is going to be moving out of his stage 0 seat and into her tobi. There is no way at her age I would consider getting her a HBB without a harness

merrymouse · 25/10/2014 09:35

Never mind car seats his attitude is completely wrong.

Ignoring your concerns and buying the seat anyway
Being offended that you are more persuaded by safety experts and car seat manufacturers than his uninformed opinion.
Throwing his toys out of the pram and not just returning the car seat.

I think you have bigger problems than car seats.

Sirzy · 25/10/2014 09:36

They are not reccomedations they are the law.

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 25/10/2014 09:45

I agree with MerryMouse :(

Well, until the bit where she says I think you have bigger problems than car seats. I think the car seat is THE biggest problem, it's the one most likely to end up with DD getting seriously hurt or dying. But once you have put her old seat back in or bought a more suitable one (aka not a 'seatbelt only' job with minimal side impact protection fuckwit) then you have other very serious issues to resolve.

clam · 25/10/2014 09:56

The new seat doesn't have to be thrown. What a drama. Either return it to the shop (if you can), or put it in the loft until she's big enough to use it.

GoldfishCrackers · 25/10/2014 09:57

He's being an arse. Does he always have to be right about everything or is it just this?
His facts are wrong, his actions were wrong (just ignoring your concerns and getting the seat), and his tantrum when challenged is wrong.
He knows he's putting his child in danger! but he doesn't care as long as he doesn't have to back down.

StatisticallyChallenged · 25/10/2014 09:58

What seat does she have currently that she is crunched up in so badly? Most seats with a harness, the harness position can be adjusted. We had a Britax duo plus which tall 4.5 year old DD is only just outgrowing weight wise and she's still fitting height wise. She's also only just tall enough that the seat belt is in a safe position with her high back booster i.e. on her shoulder. If she'd been even a couple of inches smaller the seat belt would be badly positioned and ineffective which I suspect might be the case with your DDs.

I'd second the recs for looking at one of the 1-2-3- seats, as then you will be able to keep her harnessed until 18kg as there is no chance of her outgrowing the frame. We have a couple of Recaro Young sports for the mindees and they're pretty good seats IME.

PancakesAndMapleSyrup · 25/10/2014 10:02

I had a HUGE car accident when DD was 2.5 and DS was 5.5, wasnt my fault but a twat drove into us stationary going at 50mph. DD was in a 5 poiht harness, DS im a high back booster. Dd not a bruise or a scratch but slightly stiff, DS had massive seatbelt burns across his chest and hip. Your husband is being completly BFU (bloody fucking unreasonable). Seriously change her back!!!

Iggi999 · 25/10/2014 10:32

Sorry for the hassle he is giving you OP. As a parent you need to be an advocate for your child. And while you need to compromise over the odd fruit shoot, you can't compromise over this.
My ds was in an accident less than a mile from our house, when he was 3 in an ordinary rear facing seat. He was frightened but uninjured. The polystyrene of the seat was cracked all round, which showed me the forces it had absorbed. Wonder what would have happened in a booster seat. Our car wasn't even moving at the time of the crash.
Stick your ground, he will get over the upset to his pride and might even thank you one day.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/10/2014 10:47

He thinks car seat laws and weight limits are just guidelines?

Seriously?

LittleBearPad · 25/10/2014 10:47

There are several liks on this thread going to the law on car seats. Heaven only knows why he can't read them and admit he's a fuckwit.

Which seat was she in before he decided to be a twat. It almost certainly adjusts and she should be put back in it.

MiaowTheCat · 25/10/2014 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinnieTheBitch · 25/10/2014 11:14

Put her back into a the proper booster seat now - doesn't matter what he thinks, print of the information and this thread and hand it to him.

He is being a twat

BertieBotts · 25/10/2014 12:37

The law says that the child MUST be in the correct car seat appropriate to their age and weight. The "guideline" is four years old - that's stated quite clearly in all of the shops that you can buy car seats. The minimum weight for a Group 2 or 3 car seat is 15kg. That's not a guideline, that's the minimum weight it's been tested at.

He's right that the seatbelt not registering thing is bollocks - the reason that they need to be 15kg is because a smaller child will be skinnier and/or shorter, and could "submarine" under the seatbelt.

For a high backed booster to fit properly, the belt must be flat over the child's pelvis or thighs, NOT over their soft abdomen. The largest part of their head, where the eyes are (ie, where the brain is) must be within the largest part of the side impact wings for the head. The shoulder strap should come down across their shoulder, not the neck. IF these things are true, then she's adequately protected by the seat, although the main issue with younger children is that they fidget and can slouch down in the seat, especially if they fall asleep. HBBs are not actually designed to be slept in although a few of them have recline features. And of course, adequate is not the same as well protected.

Crash test of HBB vs 5ph:

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