To be annoyed with DH and FIL for going on holiday without me and dumping me with the baby?

[wolfgirl83]

It's FIL's 70th birthday and he wanted to do a trip to a city in Europe with his sons, DH and his bro. Fine. But rather than planning something where we could all go along, FIL decided he wanted a 'boys weekend' where he could go out drinking every night. So if I went along he'd expect DH to go out drinking every night and me stay in hotel with the baby. Also he didn't seem keen on making concessions for baby during the day when sightseeing etc. My brother in law I think encouraged him to plan it this way. His girlfriend isn't coming either as she will be too heavily pregnant to travel then.

Am I being unreasonable to think it's a bit off to deliberately plan a 'family' holiday that excludes your only grandchild and DIL? I possibly could have insisted on going along, but then I felt I would not have been wanted, plus wouldn't have had much fun sat in the hotel by myself.

My DH feels guilty but didn't push it. He says it's a special occasion as it's his 70th, which is a fair point. I just think it's a bit odd to expect your son to ditch his wife and baby for 4 nights and come drinking in Europe. Maybe I'm wrong though? Our baby is 10 months, really quite a demanding little boy and I'm slightly dreading being left to it. DH has never even had him for a full day by himself, let alone overnight! :(

But tell me AIBU, and if so I'll try to just get over it! ;)

I think it sounds reasonable to be honest. Perhaps you can go stay away with friends or family whilst he's gone? And make sure you organise a girls holiday in the future.

YABU sorry! It isn't a family holiday it's a boys jolly for FIL and his sons. A baby would totally change the dynamic. FIL can do what he likes for his 70th.

I don't think an adult city break is a family holiday really. I also wouldn't expect a sightseeing for a special 70th birthday trip to be planned around the needs of a baby.

I'd be a bit "meh, I could do without this" but I don't think they've been U.

Do you get on well with BIL's girlfriend? If so and you're both feeling lonely and left out, maybe you could get together while they're away?

Saying this as nicely as I can; I get where you are coming from but YABU.

It's a one-off 70th birthday thing for his Dad. If he's usually a great DH and father and not jetting off to have fun all the time I really think you should let him go and have fun. And you need to do it willingly and with a smile on your face or he will feel guilty and won't enjoy it.

It is daunting to be on your own with the LO the first time but you'll manage!

YABU. My DSis and I tool our Mum to Paris for a long weekend for her 70th. My Dh was left at home with a 2yo and a 4 yo. BIL left at home with a 5yo, 4 yo and 2 yo. Both were happy to do it.
Enjoy a few days alone with your Ds doing what you want to do when you want to. Sounds bliss.

Yes, I agree, YABU. It may be the last time FiL gets to see his sons on his own, and talk properly. Wait until you are older - I would love to be able to see DD without OH and DGCs in tow all the time. Nothing against them, it's just lovely to roll back the years.

It also means that you can have a girly no-guilt weekend away in the future.

YABVVVU. Sorry.

YABU.

It's his birthday and he can celebrate how he likes. If he wants a 'boys' weekend without women and babies then that's fair enough. A city break with someone else's toddlers is not much fun I imagine.

You're not being "dumped" with the baby - it's your child. And it's only 4 days.

Maybe try and have a day/24 hours to yourself without your son at some other point - that's the real issue here isn't it, not that your FIL wants a lad's weekend.

I'm sorry, but YABU. This isn't a "family holiday", it's a "boys weekend", it's FIL's 70th birthday and he might not make it to 80, or be fit enough by then to enjoy such a break. I do, totally, understand why you're narked, but if it was a friend of dh having a stag "weekend" would you expect to tag along too?

I don't think it's unreasonable It's not supposed to be a family holiday. For his 80th he is unlikely to be up to a trip of this kind so if this is what he wants to do, now is the time.

Yabu, it's his birthday so his choice. And I don't like the "dumping me with the baby" , don't you enjoy being with your baby?

YABU. Your FIL want to spend his birthday on (possibly) one last jolly with his sons. Try not to make it about you and your PFB,

Sorry, YABU. And it will probably do you the world of good to be left alone with the baby for that time because even if it is hard, you will realise you CAN do it on your own. And it's one in the bag for when you want a trip away!

YABVVVU, sorry.

I go on holiday with my Dad but without DH or the children, and DH goes on holiday with his friends without us, and long may it last! It's lovely to be away from DH & the children sometimes! Just make sure that it works both ways and you get to have a nice break from your DH and baby soon and let your hair down.

People do talk some nonsense, 'don't you enjoy being with your baby?' Of course she enjoys being with her baby, that doesn't mean she wants to be on her own with the baby for four nights. She's probably exhausted, since she does all the nights with a challenging baby. I adored being with DS when he was a baby, but I also looked forward to DH getting in every night.

Yabu sorry. It's a special occasion and four nights isn't that long and it's not as if it's a regular occurrence. Why don't you go visit a friend for a weekend or something when he gets back.

Wow, I think that yabvu!

His father isn't asking for a family holiday at all, he wants a fun weekend without kids (and nagging partners by the sound of it).

Sorry, I do think YaBu. DH and I have both had weekends away without the children, I think it is a healthy part of life, to be honest I wish DH had a relationship with his Dad which meant he would go away with him for the weekend.

i hope your weekend alone isn't too stressful though x

And tbh you both need to learn hoe to cope with the baby on your own.

What if one of you had a hospital stay or had to go away with work.

YABU. It's not a family holiday in the first place and unless he has specifically invited you, I would understand that he is planning to go with only his sons.

Just start talking about all the different plans you have for when you go away for your 4 day holiday by yourself/with friends/with family/etc.

Even if you don't plan to follow through or just go for a night or two - keep talking about it and how pleased you are about dh going away for 4 nights as it means that you can do the same too and you're really looking forward to it. It might focus his mind on what exactly he is doing and how you're feeling about being left behind!

And if he dares to mention anything about you wanting to abandon your dc and how that's not right/nice etc ask him if he thinks he is abandoning you and your dc when he is off for his holiday - sometimes 'people' can have funny ideas about it being OK for a man to disappear off on holiday without his wife or children whereas if the tables are turned and the husband is left alone to look after the children you'd think the sky had fallen in...

Why the need for such PA behaviour zip,

He's not doing anything wrong and op has not given any reason as to why he would accuse her of abandoning her children if she went away.

Yabu.

God I love it when my dh does a boys ski holiday, mind you was not too impressed when he came home with a broken collar bone (was 8 months pregnant with dc3). Enjoy the time with your ds, it's not exactly going to happen every year :)