To be annoyed with DH and FIL for going on holiday without me and dumping me with the baby?

[wolfgirl83]

It's FIL's 70th birthday and he wanted to do a trip to a city in Europe with his sons, DH and his bro. Fine. But rather than planning something where we could all go along, FIL decided he wanted a 'boys weekend' where he could go out drinking every night. So if I went along he'd expect DH to go out drinking every night and me stay in hotel with the baby. Also he didn't seem keen on making concessions for baby during the day when sightseeing etc. My brother in law I think encouraged him to plan it this way. His girlfriend isn't coming either as she will be too heavily pregnant to travel then.

Am I being unreasonable to think it's a bit off to deliberately plan a 'family' holiday that excludes your only grandchild and DIL? I possibly could have insisted on going along, but then I felt I would not have been wanted, plus wouldn't have had much fun sat in the hotel by myself.

My DH feels guilty but didn't push it. He says it's a special occasion as it's his 70th, which is a fair point. I just think it's a bit odd to expect your son to ditch his wife and baby for 4 nights and come drinking in Europe. Maybe I'm wrong though? Our baby is 10 months, really quite a demanding little boy and I'm slightly dreading being left to it. DH has never even had him for a full day by himself, let alone overnight! :(

But tell me AIBU, and if so I'll try to just get over it! ;)

Yep, you're being totally unreasonable.

this is about a father wanting to be with his sons on a special occasion.

You can't expect to be invited to everything.

YABVVVU

It's not YOUR birthday.

But when it is, you can plan what you like.
Imagine if you wanted a girls spa weekend for your birthday and your fil kicked up a stink because it excluded him? I imagine you'd think he was being a bit of an entitled knob, no?

Well the real beauty of it is that now your DH is very much going to get to experience day and nights alone with your LO, as you will of course soon be going away for a similar four-day break to have your turn. Good all round really, everyone needs a break!-make sure you tell him this before he goes as you pack him off with a smile :)

Sorry, but I think YABU as well. Just because you, DH & your DS are a family unit, doesn't mean you have to be together all the time.

It's FIL's birthday and he wants a boys holiday with his sons. Having you and a baby there would completely change the dynamic.

I know what it's like to have a demanding baby DS and I have been apprehensive whole weekends alone too, but don't be resentful - let him go with good grace and plan a girls break with friends or family. There is no reason why your DH cannot look after your DS while you have some time away too!

YABU. Sorry that you are dreading it, but its a one off special occasion and not a family holiday despite them being related!. Your FIL wants to spend time with his sons for his 70th..he is fit enough to do it though getting older and I think that's quite lovely, who knows when they could do it again. Doesn't mean you are being 'excluded'..glad you didn't insist on going, that would have made you a bit crazy!

Sorry OP, I'm with the majority, YABU.

I'm going away o/n this weekend, DH is going on a golf jolly the following weekend. Your FIL clearly doesn't want a family holiday, he wants a bloke's weekend with his sons and there's nothing wrong with that.

Oh and zip I went away for three days with a bunch of pals (all women) when DD1 was 10 mos old and no-one, least of all DH, batted an eyelid.

I've been away from baby DS several times, both on business trips and girls weekends. Dh has been able to manage just fine. And of course he can do the same, no need for any passive-aggressive games.

Even if she doesn't have the option I still wouldn't think it's fair to keep the partner chained to the house because the other one chooses not to go put for whatever reason.. If he buggered off all the time or was never home I'd understand. But one trip with his dad for a birthday? I don't see the problem

I love my weekend off each year! Dh has his weekend off too. Love the children but it is great to have a break. Just make it clear to dh that you will be cashing in at some point. At first the idea of leaving your dc seems a bit strange but you'll soon get used to it!

It can be difficult if you usually share the care of a more 'demanding' baby and you have them on your own for a while. But you can cope and it will be fine. Getting out and about with others sometimes eases single responsibility feelings. He is just having time with his father at a special time. I would ask for a little time to yourself once he has returned - to recharge your batteries. You are also storing 4 days for yourself at another time should you want your own 'me/family' time

Yabvu it's up to FIL how he spends his birthday, it's a boys only one. Have a weekend with your friends one day and your dh looks after baby for the weekend.

Sorry yes, YABU, but not VVVU as some posters have said though because you are feeling dumped, not screaming and shouting about it or using emotional blackmail to stop him going.

It does feel daunting to be left to manage on your own for the first time and I think that's colouring your view of this trip. It probably hasn't crossed anyone else's mind that you might feel unable to cope. They will see a capable mother and assume that you'll be fine.

I think it would be a good idea to plan something specific while he's away. Could you visit family or friends or have your own weekend away in a hotel with a good friend?

YABU. It's his 70th. He wants to be with his sons and have a big weekend. Why not make plans to have a friend come stay with you while H is away?

My H has his annual boys weekend 6 weeks after my due date with baby. I'm getting my mum to stay.

His dad deserves to celebrate his big birthday how he wants. Besides, if you always insist on doing everything together what do you talk about. Being separate sometimes is part of normal life.

Even if you are bf you won't be forever - I went away for a night when ds was 15 months and still bf and it was fine. You don't need to go for 4 days if you don't want to but one or two nights should be possible within six months- year.

I'm sorry, 'boys' holiday? What the heck? Are they going to play with Tonka Trucks and climb trees?

But yes, it is your FIL's choice. So YABU.

However this does set a marvellous precedent for your future birthdays. Take advantage . Your DH will have to get used to looking after his own son, won't he?

Yabu, sorry. Fil doesn't want to celebrate with a heavily pregnant woman and 10 month old baby. It's only a short break.. Once off

Now YANBU to be annoyed with dh not having baby to himself. You need time to yourself. Sort out this issue rather than fil issue.

YABU. It's not a family holiday and everyone's lives don't revolve around babies. Imagine being invited to an adult birthday party, hen/stag night, wedding abroad, work away day. You can't expect everything to be organised in such a way as to cater for your child.

YANBU. Any man who announces a boys only holiday for 4 nights abroad when his only grandson is 10 months old and his other DIL is heavily pregnant is a prick. It is intensly selfish, entitled behaviour to put his son's and DILs in this position.

If this was his stag do or a wedding then MN would in no way be so understanding of your FIL IMO.

Sorry, but YABU. It's a boys drinking weekend and not a family holiday. I'm not sure you expected to be included on a boys weekend anyway?

YABU - it's a very special occasion for your FIL and it seems a lovely thing to want to do - to spend some time with his sons. You and your DH are not joined at the hip and 4 days apart is not going to hurt anyone.

Sorry, but I also think YABU. It's not a 'family' holiday but a trip away with his sons. Personally, my dp going away for four nights wouldn't phase me, but I was on my own with my dd from the age of 9 months, so my perspective may be blurred. The question is, would your dh be happy to have the baby alone for a couple of nights in the future so that you can go away?

Oh, and being by yourself for 4 days with your own child is hardly being dumped.

YABU. He is 70. This might be the last chance in his life that he gets the chance to spend a short break with his sons. How on earth can you begrudge that?

YANBU. Any man who announces a boys only holiday for 4 nights abroad when his only grandson is 10 months old and his other DIL is heavily pregnant is a prick. It is intensly selfish, entitled behaviour to put his son's and DILs in this position

What a bizarre post. The baby is not a new born op is not recovering from birth or surgery and ten months old is plenty of time for babies to be in. Some kind of routine given people are back at work by then. Should he also sit around for weeks waiting to hear of a birth when they may not even want him there depending on what happens. And both sons are adults who can make their own decisions. If they said no he'd have done something else. Or waited.