To be annoyed with DH and FIL for going on holiday without me and dumping me with the baby?

[wolfgirl83]

It's FIL's 70th birthday and he wanted to do a trip to a city in Europe with his sons, DH and his bro. Fine. But rather than planning something where we could all go along, FIL decided he wanted a 'boys weekend' where he could go out drinking every night. So if I went along he'd expect DH to go out drinking every night and me stay in hotel with the baby. Also he didn't seem keen on making concessions for baby during the day when sightseeing etc. My brother in law I think encouraged him to plan it this way. His girlfriend isn't coming either as she will be too heavily pregnant to travel then.

Am I being unreasonable to think it's a bit off to deliberately plan a 'family' holiday that excludes your only grandchild and DIL? I possibly could have insisted on going along, but then I felt I would not have been wanted, plus wouldn't have had much fun sat in the hotel by myself.

My DH feels guilty but didn't push it. He says it's a special occasion as it's his 70th, which is a fair point. I just think it's a bit odd to expect your son to ditch his wife and baby for 4 nights and come drinking in Europe. Maybe I'm wrong though? Our baby is 10 months, really quite a demanding little boy and I'm slightly dreading being left to it. DH has never even had him for a full day by himself, let alone overnight! :(

But tell me AIBU, and if so I'll try to just get over it! ;)

Actually I can see why you feel this way. No idea whether you are unreasonable or not, but I think your feelings are natural.

Also surprised at the aggressiveness of (some of the) the "YABU its's his BIRTHDAY!" responses. Whenever a MN posts about wanting to do something for her birthday, she gets told she's being precious.

Imagine if it was a Mum with a 70th wanting to have a short break with her daughters and their DHs could get time off work to look after LOs but they wanted to go on the girly break? It works both ways.

I sort of think you aren't being unreasonable in a way. Four nights, when you're Knackered, is a long old time. I think that going on the holiday would have been just as tiring and stressful as staying home though.
I agree with the other posters that talk about making sure you plan something that you look forward to.
For me, it's the morning I go and get my haircut every 8weeks. It feels like a holiday!

Another YABU, sorry.

The next big birthday after 70 is 80 and I would advise your FiL to make the most of this one. Even w my fit and (largely) healthy parents/in laws the decline in physical ability and stamina b/w 70 and 80 has been very marked.

If he wants to make it an annual event I would have a lot more sympathy with your view but as a one-off I think youy should give way gracefully.

Sorry, unreasonable.

I wouldn't like to think that once I'm a grandparent (hopefully, one day, in the long-off future) I'll never be allowed to spend time alone with my DCs without their partners in tow.

Nobody enjoys a city-break with a toddler. It changes everything. It's the man's birthday. Let him have a special occasion the way he wants it. Afterwards, your DH owes you a weekend away with your mum/sister/girlfriends or just a whole day to yourself sometime. Bliss.

Are you about to drip-feed that he's a terrible man who has "form" for this sort of thing?

In this situation I know that my DH would have simply said 'no' to his DF. He gets on fine with him but would consider it beyond weird to go on a lads drinking holiday with him. DF would have also considered it a weird thing to want to do.

A family holiday with daughters in law and families would be considered okay but not this.

YANBU

YABU, sorry.

It does sound like it is time for your DH to start having your DS more often though, so that you can enjoy some special trips / days out.

Can you arrange for some of your family / one or two of your friends to come over and visit when your DH is away? That is what I do when mine is off for a long weekend (which he does once or twice a year). A night in with some good company and a glass of wine would be lovely, surely?

Gnome, in your family it might be considered 'weird', in others perhaps it isn't. Just because something isn't normal for you does not make it wrong.

I really cannot see anything at all wrong with a man wanting a few days break with his sons, and without their partners or children. It is no different to a mum wanting a few days break with her daughters.. you know all those "spa breaks" that are so keenly recommended on here .

Its not abandonment or desertion..

Hmm, I read your OP as a weekend but now see it's 4 nights. That's quite a long time on your own I suppose. Could anyone come and stay with you? My DH travels a lot so I'm used to him being away for several nights at a time, but if it's going to be a whole week I usually ask my parents to come and stay. Would that work?

Regarding the birthday element, I don't think you are entitled to anything you want just because it's your birthday...but I do think 70 is a significant one. Could they compromise and make it three nights instead?

YABU. Gnome....why is it a weird thing to do? Really don't understand why anyone would be upset with 3 blokes going on holiday without their partners and kids?

And I feel sorry for the kid..'dumping me with the baby'. Erm, that's your child

I do understand it's daunting with a very feisty baby, I have one myself and us now a feisty toddler boy. Can you not ask friends or family to help? It is nit a family holiday, abd it's understandable your FIL will want to spend time Alone with his sons on that occasion. You are not tied to the hip! Yes you are owed your own weekend away, or doing something you like though.

I really feel for you op because it is tough being stuck at home with the baby, knowing your dp is off some where with no responsibilities, having a whale and getting loads of sleep. But it is your fil right to organise his bday how he wants, it is a big one after all, and I could understand why he wants a 'boys' weekend, he may feel that he doesn't see his sons as much on their own now they have long term partners? It is still important for them to have time as a family to themselves.

I think like others have said you need to organise a little trip away for yourself in the future to balance it out and give you a break

Overall I do think Yabu but can empathise.

It's a YABU from me too.

He wants an adult city break with his sons and at age 70, who knows if he'll ever get another chance?

it's just a few days taking care of your own baby
Yes, will be a bit more difficult if you are not used to do it alone, but some posters make it sound like he's leaving you in sole charge of a zoo full of feral animals or high security prison..

Yabu.

FIL can't ride anymore but dh says some of his favourite times away are when they (& bil) did bike tours a few years back.

I cannot see what's wrong (aside from if you can't afford it) with a father wanting to spend some time with his kids.
How lovely that your dh has grown into the sort of man FIL would chose to spend his time with (instead of someone he'll put up with at Christmas/occasions).

I take it you're planning on spending no time alone with your dc when they've grown up.

YABVU

They are not 'dumping you with the baby', it's YOUR baby. If he's that much bother, send him over here and I'll have him. permanently.

One baby, 10 months old, 4 days. That's all. If you can't cope with that then something needs to change, quickly.

Your FIL wants to spend his birthday, with his sons. 4 days, that's all. He didn't want to plan 'something where you could all go', why should he?

sorry but I agree with everyone else that yabu although indo understand why it grates!

I think your dh needs to grow a pair and start helping more with his baby and then maybe you wouldn't begrudge the boys jolly!!

my dp is off on various training things for work and I am being left with our 1yo and both his older kids as it falls when we have contact. he will be in a luxury hotel with all expenses paid whilst I am up to my neck in nappies, packed lunches and school runs. but I also know that if o wanted a few days away with the girls he would drop everything and look after the kids.

Yabvvvvvvu. Im at the moment trying to get my dh and fil to go away for some male time. I and dmil would be in the way. Your dfil wants some make time with his ds for his birthday. Why not. Lets flip this your dm wants to take you and yours sisters away for spa weekend. Why would she want your dh hanging around.

Why dont you, the gf, your baby and dmil do something together....

I can understand that you're not looking forward to being on your own if you're exhausted and DH is the only help you get. However, it's your FIL's 70th and I'm guessing he doesn't get to spend much time alone with his sons?

I think on this occasion you have little choice but to grit your teeth and be gracious about it. Could your MIL come over to help whilst he's away? In make event, make sure that you some time to yourself in return.

Yabu. It's not a family holiday, it's a short break he wants to take for a special birthday with his sons. I can't see anything wrong with that at all.
I had two fairly demanding babies when my OH went to work in Australia for 4 weeks. I was on my own and it was fine; you just cope.

I think the idea was reasonable to have a boys holiday, but it would have been more reasonable if they had done this before your baby and SIl's pregnancy.

YABVU, not to mention needy and rather precious.

He wants to spend a few days alone with his sons. In twenty thirty years time these are the memories your husband will look back on when he thinks about his farther stop trying to hijack it. Making your husband feel guilty for spending quality time with his father is a really nasty selfish thing to do.

Sorry. Its a YABU from me too. For all the reasons mentioned above.

YABU. No one would expect the DHs to go along to a mother and daughter trip why would you want to go on a lads holiday.