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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone HASN'T done the whole Santa and Tooth Fairy thing?

219 replies

mrsHawk1ns · 17/09/2014 08:55

Not saying I won't with my DS's once they're old enough, but was just interested to see if there is anyone out there who hasn't done it, and just been honest from the start that they don't exist?!

OP posts:
burgatroyd · 17/09/2014 09:04

Me! It goes hand in hand with telling my dd that monsters aren't real.

IHeartKingThistle · 17/09/2014 09:05

TBH I thought this was going to be a big dilemma, then nursery got in first with Father Christmas and I just rolled with it. It's a lovely part of childhood. That said I don't go out of my way to convince them he is real such as snow footprints and all that stuff.

monsterfaery · 17/09/2014 09:05

Yes me, we have enjoyed them as stories but when they have asked me directly do they exist I have always been honest. I just hand over 50p when their teeth fall out. They have still had stockings etc at christmas but I have always let them know how fortunate they are to have all these lovely things and we have always given to charities that collect toys for children at christmas and they understand that we do that because other families can't afford to buy things and presents don't just appear by magic.

Primrose123 · 17/09/2014 09:06

Not me, but one of the other families at primary school. They were extremely religious, and said that they didn't want to lie to their three children. It caused a lot of trouble though because their kids seemed to be on a mission to share this with the rest of the children at school. There were a lot of upset children and angry parents.

IHeartKingThistle · 17/09/2014 09:06

I really hope your kids don't spoil it for their friends!

Vicky5910 · 17/09/2014 09:07

Me!!! My dd is 4 and knows it's all just a game. I give her the option to play the game if she wants to but she knows Xmas morning there will be presents regardless of the game, and no old man is spying on her to make her behave. She chooses to be lovely because she wants to be :)
And the tooth fairy was a harder one as she had to have a chipped tooth removed. The dentist mentioned the tooth fairy and dd then asked for it. I said we can play the game if she wants to, and she helped me write a letter 'from the tooth fairy' and I put it under her pillow with 20p. Felt weird....!

ramrod757 · 17/09/2014 09:10

The irony is strong there Primrose

SaucyJack · 17/09/2014 09:10

Me. Santa isn't banned- we all enjoy playing along with it. I've just never seen the point in lying that he's actually real.

Original poster
mrsHawk1ns · 17/09/2014 09:16

Good to know guys! But yes I would be very scared of being the parent that is hated by everyone else at the school gates because DS told all the other kids the truth!

OP posts:
Stupidhead · 17/09/2014 09:16

I've never said he's not real so the kids play along with it for my sake every year, my eldest is 16...

And we're all staunch atheists, yeah we're a confusing bunch Smile

cakecake · 17/09/2014 09:25

I understand the dilemma of not wanting to lie about something that you are eventually going to have to come clean about but OTOH those years when they do believe are just so special and magical. Once they know, the magic goes, no matter how lovely christmas is, there is always a bit of sparkle gone from it.

TeenAndTween · 17/09/2014 09:40

I never played up Father Christmas to DD2. We talked about 'stockings being filled up' but never who did it etc. However everyone else bangs on about it so much, and we didn't disabuse her. So we didn't lie directly, but did by omission.

littlejohnnydory · 17/09/2014 09:49

Me! We play the game too and the children enjoy leaving a mince pie out for Father Christmas, the tooth under their pillow etc but they do know it's a game and isn't real. So far they haven't told any other children and the oldest is 7. We do say that it would be a shame to spoil the game for people. I don't think my children have missed out in any way, we have just treated Father Christmas etc the same as any other fictional character - don't have to spell out every time he's mentioned that he isn't real but we all know it really. It actually never occured to me until last year from a MN post that some children actually think the tooth fairy is real as it was never as big a deal as Father Christmas when I was growing up.

littlejohnnydory · 17/09/2014 09:50

Plenty of sparkle and magic in our Christmas too!

firesidechat · 17/09/2014 09:54

We didn't do Santa or the tooth fairy, although we didn't tell them that Father Christmas didn't exist until they asked us outright. They still had money under their pillow when a tooth fell out too.

They are adults now and absolutely adore Christmas and don't hold it against us.

I don't regret it at all.

RoseTheHat · 17/09/2014 09:55

I loved all that stuff when I was little but I don't remember ever believing that the tooth fairy or Father Christmas were REALLY real - always kind of know it was my parents making sure I had a lovely time, which is magical in a different way I suppose.

I have mentioned the tooth fairy to DD (aged 4.5) and she immediately said "but fairies aren't really real are they mummy, just using our imagination"

I'll obviously keep up the traditions but I'm not going to try and convince her of things that she has already worked out can't be true - that would be very weird imo.

firesidechat · 17/09/2014 09:58

Once we told them that he didn't exist, they were under strict instructions not to tell their friends. I don't think they did, but someone has to let the cat out of the bag at some point.

Vicky5910 · 17/09/2014 10:03

My main reason against Santa was (apart from the lying) that I don't want my daughter thinking she's got to 'be good' to get on some old guy's nice list and to have a nice Xmas with lots of presents.
When I ask her what her favourite part of Xmas is, she says ice skating and decorations and making gingerbread. Presents are not the magic of Christmas!

firesidechat · 17/09/2014 10:21

Vicky mine are both mid 20's now and the best bit for them has always been decorating the tree and Christmas dinner.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/09/2014 10:22

My atheist parents didn't do 'lying' to children. So I wasn't brought up to believe in FC.

We had the tooth fairy, but I'm sure I always knew it was SM.

We did FC and the tooth fairy with our DDs. Mainly because DH had lovely memories of stockings from his childhood. (His DM died when DD1 was very small and she loved Christmas. 14 years later there's always a moment in December when DH goes quiet and brushes away a tear)

I was a shit tooth fairy, always forgetting. I always assumed DD1 knew it was me, until I asked her to choose a present for DD2. (We were in Disney and I wanted the American tooth fairy to leave one of the collectors pins under her pillow.)

DD1 burst into tears, she wasn't that small and she must have wanted to believe.

LouiseBourgeois · 17/09/2014 10:26

My son is only two, so has only the vaguest sense of Santa and the tooth fairy is in the distant future, but no, I'm definitely not going to pretend it's real. It's perfectly possible to have magical Christmases and lovely traditions (even including Santa-related ones done as a 'game') without peddling the party line on Santa, or lying in response to direct questions as he gets older.

I know quite a few people who don't 'do' Santa. I don't think it's all that unusual a decision.

mawbroon · 17/09/2014 10:29

DS1 was absolutely petrified at the idea of Santa coming into the house at night. He was terrified of Santa at playgroup and the like, so I told him the truth that Santa wasn't real when he was 4yo.

AFter this, he was really happy to play along and enjoys the whole putting up a stocking, leaving out a beer and carrot etc etc.

He had also sussed out that the tooth fairy wasn't real even before any of his teeth fell out, but again he was happy to play along with the tooth under his pillow.

DS2 is different, he seems to believe for now (he's 4yo) and ds1 loves helping create the magic for ds2.

I never intended to have one child told the truth and the other not. It's just the way it worked out for us.

newbieman1978 · 17/09/2014 10:35

I never had any sort of talk with my parents about Father Christmas and he was coming to our house until I left home at 19 though I had a younger brother but even he was 15 at that time. I've still never had any sort of conversation about it with my parents and I'm now in my late 30's.
I'm doing exactly the same with my children, my now teen son obviously knows there is no Father Christmas but in our house we all pretend there is even to the point where if my son tries to take about non existance he gets short shrift and told there wont be any presents!

It's just the way of our family which is fine for us, I remember wonderful Christmases and part of that was Father Christmas. I don't see any harm in it, though each to their own.

bibliomania · 17/09/2014 10:47

Dd(6) has never really believed. Her dad is from a different culture and I don't know if he told her outright that neither existed or if she worked it out. She's also a militant atheist and does not like being told that aren't true (it's okay if we are agreeing to pretend, but she likes to know what is true and what isn't).

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 17/09/2014 11:09

DD is 4. She wants to be a tooth fairy when she grows up .... and can't wait to be 8 so she'll have teeth falling out.

I've been truly evil and told her that the tooth fairy will only take teeth that are sparkly white and don't have any fillings.

I'd love to not "do" Santa and I remember the crushing disappointment and the feeling of being made a fool of quite clearly. I was part of a big family though so I think my parents kept up the pretense and lied through their back teeth a lot longer than would be normal.